Guilt in Life
by Emily-de-Chic
Summary: Edmund Pevensie is a traitor. She tells him that he isn't. He bears the guilt, she tries to take it away. He isn't falling for her, but she leaves him no choice. She doesn't want to lose herself, but she loses him. By lies. By guilt. By love. By hatred. COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Guilt in Life

Chapter One

It was a common knowledge among the Pevensie children that they had been to a strange country called Narnia where animals talked and trees danced. As ridiculous as it sounded, they had been, indeed, kings and queens there for a period of time. This story was told in a book called The Witch, The Lion, The Wardrobe.

Yet, it was another common knowledge among the four Pevensie children that Edmund Pevensie bore a guilt that he shouldn't be bearing. No matter who tried to talk him out of the guilt, all they got for return was rejection. Cold rejection in fact.

The siblings travelled back to the magical land once again last year during their departure in the train station. Edmund Pevensie returned to the land he loved, the land that once hated him.

Their second journey in the enchanting land saved endless lives and stopped a tyranny from stripping the people they loved. Yet, this guilt didn't go away. The story about how the old kings and queens helped an orphan prince to save the kingdom was told in another story called Pince Caspian.

For now, the children were having their long summer break, something they had been looking forward to for a long time. It would be the last summer that they spent together. Peter was leaving to study at Professor Krik's place while Susan was going to start her new life in America. Everyone treasured this summer. Edmund tried, yet, it was uneasy to stay in the same room with the old king and queens of Narnia.

Guilt was not supposed to be part of Edmund at the moment. At least not when he was cutting the weeds for Mrs Pevensie, who did realise something changed about her children since visiting Professor Krik. They were more mature, yet, too mature.

Edmund glanced at the window and noticed his mother was watching him on the second floor though it was obvious that she tried to hide it by pretending to read a book. The book was up side down though. He snapped his head away from her, pretending he didn't see anything and kept cleaning the lawn.

Sun was no where to be seen in mid summer, it reminded Edmund of winter. The winter. Thrusting his painful thoughts away, he continued to work, driving guilt away by wondering what he was going to have for supper.

He could hear Peter's voice, talking about their last adventure in Narnia. He heard Susan and Lucy's laughter. They had offered help on cleaning the lawn, Edmund refused though. They were trying to get him "out of your world of guilt" again. It didn't work. It wouldn't work.

Finally, he was tired, he had finally made himself tired by punishing himself. To clean the lawn. To get away from his past as the Just. To forget the fact that he had once sold Narnia out. What was more, he tried not to think that his people actually _forgave _him.

He was never a worthy king, he just knew there was nothing special about him being a king, a leader. Only a traitor. He bore this name, and he knew he was going to bear this name for eternity.

Edmund sat on the lawn and looked around, again, trying to distract himself from thinking. Street was quiet and air was stuffy. Everyone stayed in door, listening to radio perhaps, or maybe reading a book. His siblings were recalling every single one of their sword fight and battle wound.

Edmund was listening to the silence of the town when a hooded woman appeared in the end of the street, coming from the forest. He stared, and frowned.

The woman was about his height, Edmund could see her messy brunette from the cape of her neck. He couldn't see her face, but it didn't matter. She was wearing a purple cloak around her body. No one would dress like her except those...All Edmund knew was, this girl came from no other world but the one he knew best.

Narnia.

Still, he waited, sitting on the lawn, eyes fixed on her. The woman was about he height he noticed, sword hilts were visible from her belt. There was more than one sword.

A woman carrying two swords was indeed not normal in Narnia, it was even more peculiar in modern England, that a woman was wearing clothes that resembled medieval Europe with two swords walking in the street.

She looked up, looking around. Finally, her gaze fell on him. She stared at him for a moment, Edmund knew it was rude to stare back blankly, but he did.

The woman in cloak gasped, hurried forward. She was crawling more like it.

"The Just King I believe?" she was panting.

"I am," Edmund replied. A Narnian in London. Something went wrong.

"I need your help," she trembled. Edmund got up from the lawn, eyeing at her. His caution told him not to believe anyone so easily.

"What's happened?"

The woman's face was uncovered as she drew the hood backward. Her face was white, sweat hovering on her forehead. She shook her head slightly, and it was then Edmund noticed her hand was clutching at her stomach.

"Help...your majesty..."

She collapsed, Edmund reached out at her fast.

"Hey," he mumbled in her ear, but she didn't open her eyes. Something definitely was wrong.

"Peter!"

"Finally accept our help?" Peter came waltzing out of the house. Under his messy blonde hair, his brilliant blue eyes widened by the sight of the woman in Edmund's arms.

"Get her into the house." Edmund didn't need to be told twice as he carried her into the living room.

"Lucy!" Edmund called and Lucy gasped.

"My room," Lucy glanced at Edmund, "Now."

"What happened?" came mother's voice, Edmund didn't explain, "Who's she?"

Edmund raced upstairs and placed her on Lucy's bed, her eyes were shut in pain and Edmund started to notice the nauseous smell, the one smell that he knew well from battlefields.

Peter stood at the edge of the bed, frowning. The High King was back as Peter sat down next to the woman, glancing at Edmund.

Lucy and Susan quickly returned with Lucy's first aid box. Even since visiting Narnia and being Queen there for twenty years, Lucy was genius at fixing wounds even without her cordial. Gingerly, she flipped opened the woman's hood, all found was ruddy blood.

Mrs Pevensie screamed, "We must get her to the hospital!"

"Mum, it's okay," Susan whispered as Lucy skilfully cut the fabric around her wounds. The boys looked away.

"Dagger," Lucy mumbled before looking up at her brothers, "she's wounded by dagger."

"From Narnia?" Peter frowned.

"Where possibly will you find dagger if it's not Narnia?" Edmund said impatiently.

"What is Narnia boys?" Mother's face was pale.

"Mum, it's not a right time to explain," Susan said, sighed, "how would it even be possible? She's definitely a Narnian."

"Something happened there," Peter concluded, "what brings her here?"

"She was asking for help a moment ago," Edmund explained, he glanced at her belt, frowned, "Susan, take out her belt."

Susan handed it to Edmund, there were two swords. Both Peter and Edmund knew too well not to draw them out.

"My horn," Susan pointed out. The white horn was hanging there, elegant and untouched, "I thought Caspian was keeping it."

"What is going on here?" Mum glared at them and the fainted woman, "_we have to get her to the hospital!_"

"Mum, Lucy can fix her," Peter tried to comfort her. Edmund knew well enough that this wasn't going to work.

"I need bandage," Lucy said, sweat was all over her forehead, "mum, can you get me some bandage? I mean, like now?"

"But-"

"Mum!"

Muttering under her breath, Mrs Pevensie went down stairs to get the bandages.

"Is she going to be all right?" Susan asked in concern.

The room was filled with the smell of rust and salty blood. As much as Edmund was used to this smell, he didn't like. It usually meant something was dying or there was battle.

"She will be," Lucy replied as gazing at her wound, "all she needs is a lot of rest, and bandage."

"I wonder how she came here," Peter mused, "the horn brings us back, but what brought her here?"

"I think she wants us to go back," Susan said slowly, "that must be why she's here. To warn us, or to...I don't know...save Narnia again?"

"But we're not going back, Aslan said that," Peter reminded them, "unless something very serious happened—Mum, you don't need to hide there to listen to our conversation."

Mum gingerly made her way to the edge and handed Lucy the bandage, "are you ready to tell us what is going on? What, in Christ name, is Narnia? You're freaking me out, kids."

"You're not going to believe anything we say."

"Maybe you should start from the beginning," mum encouraged, "I will be very patient, and Peter, throw those toys away. If you insist to let this girl stay, Susan, fetch some clothes, I am not really in her her drama costume."

"These are not toys mum, they are tools," Peter said. Lucy and Susan smiled slightly before finding some clothes for the woman.

"So, what's the story?" Edmund felt his mother was eyeing at him, he looked away, staring at the window.

"You're not going to believe it," Edmund repeated grimly, "mum, just, please don't make things difficult."

"Come on," Mum urged, "you know I hate secret."

"It's not a matter of hiding secret, it's just...you're just going to treat it like a joke," Peter explained.

Mum's lips were forming a firm line, "girls, help this girl to change, and boys," her gaze fell on Edmund, "you're going down to the living room and explain everything."

When mother gave them that look, the children just knew too well not to argue or deny. Sighed silently, Edmund made his way to the living room with Peter.

Mum sat on the couch, waiting for them to speak.

"It all began with a wardrobe," Edmund started, knowing how his past was going to haunt him during the explanation, "a magical wardrobe."


	2. Chapter 2

Guilt

Chapter Two

Edmund was glad Lucy and Susan came down to the living room soon and finished the rest of the unwanted story. He volunteered to set up the table while his sibling explained the rest of their adventure.

He looked at mother's face in the kitchen, she was unreadable. Well, he didn't expect anyone to believe their story within an afternoon of explanation. He himself was still having trouble to believe that...to believe what he had done.

By dinner time, what needed to be told was told. Mum slowly made her way to the table. No one said anything else then. The silence was awkward, no one cared to break it as enjoying the pleasant food.

"So?" Lucy said boldly at last as mum took out ice cream from the small fridge and handed them a bowl.

"What?" mum asked, "still hungry?"

"No," Susan said, "you think we are joking isn't it?"

"Well," mother paused, "I wanted to say that at first. But then, I remembered that day when I picked you from Professor Krik, all of you were like all different. More mature, more wise...It shocked me. You were, like, loving each other and no more argue. I knew something changed about my kids, but I just haven't thought of, you know, a magical land."

"Do you think we 're joking?" Peter whispered irksomely.

"No," Mother smiled briefly, "if you are joking, what to explain about that girl upstairs? I'd love to go to this country though, I really want to meet your friend, Reep."

"Reep is the coolest mouse you've ever met," Lucy exclaimed, "don't tell him I said this though."

Mother laughed, "right, so that girl up there, who is she?"

"We don't know," Edmund said, "she' s Telmarine though."

Mother nodded, "I guess all we can do is to take good care of her."

"Lucy can do that," Peter said, "she's the Healer in Narnia."

"I'm flattered," Lucy smiled.

"Your father will be very, very proud of you," Mother mused, "he'll love to see that too."

It was a silence of mourning. Few months ago, the news of Mr Pevensie's death reached the family from the military. The family mourned, yet, the children were strong. They had been through worse.

"We know he will," Peter said.

Night was still chilly in the end of June. The house was quiet by eleven o'clock, Edmund insisted lending his bed to Lucy and slept on the couch. Again, no one could talk him out of it. As lying on the couch, Edmund pulled his blanket up, gazing at the ceiling. Every now and then when he closed his eyes, Peter's words echoed in his ear.

"Ed was brave though," Peter had said just now as explaining to mother, "he fought hard during the battle and destroyed the White Witch's magic staff, she wounded her..."

Edmund knew he wasn't that good, and as Peter's voice faded, it came Lucy's voice,

"Ed was crowded as King Edmund the Just, Duke of Lantern Waste and Count of the Western March,Knight of the Noble Order of the Table by Aslan..."

Edmund wondered if he deserved all those names. Aslan talked to him after he was saved from the White Witch. It was something Edmund wanted again as Aslan was too busy in their last encounter.

"Let the past be the past."

Edmund wished he could just let it go. He really did wish that.

"Ed!"

Edmund looked up from his book, Lucy was gesturing upstairs at her room. Quickly, he hurried in the room and found Susan sitting on the bed edge. Peter was standing aside with a stern face and Lucy smiled slightly at him.

The woman sat on the bed, looking at them weakly. She had been resting for two days and was barely awake whenever they visited her. She was better today, at least she could sit on the bed.

"Your Majesties..." she mumbled, "my swords, and horn?"

"They are kept safely in another room," Susan explained, "what is your name?"

"My name is Natasha," she said, "Narnia needs you."

"What's happened?" Peter asked eagerly.

"The White Witch rose again," Natasha said, "King Caspian is no match for her and Aslan is no where to be seen. She rules nearly the whole Narnia now, along with some Telmarines. We need your help."

"Who sent you?"

"No one sent me," she said hastily, "I came here by this horn."

"How did you get this horn?" Susan asked, "Is Caspian all right?"

"He's good," Natasha replied, "Please go back to Narnia with me. We are going to be defeated."

"What-" Peter started.

"This horn only brings help back to Narnia, it's not supposed to bring anyone to our world," Edmund stated, remembered what Caspian's teacher told him after the battle.

"I don't know," Natasha shook her head. Edmund frowned, he knew Narnia's magic didn't work that way.

"Doesn't matter," Lucy said, "we need to go back."

"Now?"

"Of course," Peter agreed, "as soon as possible."

"How do we explain to mum- Wait, she won't know. The time law, remember?" Susan said, nodding.

"Natasha is not going to manage that," Lucy said, glancing at the burnett.

"When can she leave?" Peter asked, Edmund just looked at her.

Natasha was a girl about his age with long dark brown curls. She looked, didn't know whether it was because of her wound or it was just how she looked, she looked frail. Eyes were sharp and bright.

"At least after five days," Lucy replied, "we have to wait."

"The White Witch broke the time law in Narnia," Natasha said, "one day passes in Narnia equals to one day passes in your world. If you stay there for a month, you will be gone from this world for a month."

"How can Aslan let these happen?" Lucy mumbled.

"We are not alone," Peter mused, "we never were."

"You're wrong then, I apologize, High King," she quickly added, "People are all under the White Witch's rule. Winter is back again. No one can help us. King Caspian doesn't know how to deal with magic. "

"Won't last long," Edmund said.

"How did it happen?" Lucy eyed at the girl.

"He ruled fair and fine at the beginning, but someone got lost in the woods and was tempted. The Witch got one drop of human blood and rose again," Natasha said, inhaling deeply, "I'm sorry that it happened. There's nothing we can do to fight back...some, turned their side, become loyal to the Witch and some are forced to switch their sides as their family is kidnapped. Narnia is dying."

"It won't," Peter said, "Not when we got there."

Natasha smiled, "thank you."

"What did you get hurt at the beginning?"Susan asked gently.

"I was hurt by the White Witch, she forced me to do something. I refused."

Peter nodded, "You're safe here, I guarantee you."

"What about the horn?" Edmund asked.

"A friend gave it to me," Natasha replied.

"What friend?"

"It doesn't matter," Peter assured her, "please, make yourself home and get as much rest as you need."

"About these clothes, they are-"

"It's all right, they are clothes from our world," Lucy said with a smile, "you can pick anything from our wardrobe."

"Thank you."

"What are we going to tell mum about our leaving?" Susan sighed, "we don't know when are we coming back this time."

"Well, as long as you will come back, time doesn't really matter to me." They all turned and found Mrs Pevensie was standing at the door, smiling slightly at them.

Lucy hopped off the bed and hugged mother, "we will come back after having everything sorted."

"Do try to win, okay?" Mum smiled at all of them.

"We will," Peter said, "thanks, mum. I know it's going to be hard."

That night, they had dinner at Lucy's room with Natasha. She didn't talk much, because of her identity, Edmund supposed. The dinner was carefree, still, Edmund remained silence as always.

He passed by Lu's room to the loo, and saw Natasha gazing out of the window at the elegant moon with no light turning on. Quickly, he went to the loo and returned to the room, found she was still looking up.

Edmund knocked the door and sat on the bed edge.

"Your majesty," she greeted, bowing her head.

"Lucy has told you to call us by our names," Edmund reminded her, she replied with a brief smile, "Missing your family?"

"I don't have anyone left," she said, "only my litter sister."

"Where's she now?"

Natasha shrugged, "somewhere in safety?"

"Aren't you supposed to know?" Edmund frowned.

"Messy time now, I don't know who to trust and who not to, families are falling apart," Natasha said, "I miss her. She used to just sit here and let me braid her hair."

"Peter will find her," Edmund assured her, "don't give up hope."

Edmund got up and turned to leave when she spoke again.

"A King who has lost hope towards himself asks me not to lose hope? That's hilarious," she said quietly.

Edmund stared at her as moonlight fell on her hair, "I should make you take that back."

"Because I'm right, isn't it?"

"You don't know anything about me," Edmund snapped.

"I barely know you, but mostly, I read about you," Natasha said, "from my observation, you're not happy."

"Okay, I'm impressed that you are an observer," Edmund said honestly, "but it's better not to be a smarty when you're talking to a King. Your king."

Edmund was at the door when he heard her again,

"Don't give up on yourself, my lord."


	3. Chapter 3

Guilt in Life

Chapter Three

"I'm to bring you breakfast," Edmund said as knocking the door, "for the last time."

Natasha sat on the bed, looking at him drowsily.

"Thanks," she mumbled, "Actually I can eat in the dinning room."

"And fall down from the top of the stairs like yesterday?" Edmund said in a flat voice, "like you are not a trouble at all?"

"You hate me," she pointed out, "my lord."

"I do not," the Just King said as putting the tray of breakfast on her laps.

"You hate the fact that I see through you," she stated.

"Show some respect to your King," Edmund said, irritated.

"You should cheer up," Natasha encouraged, "some giants in the north used to call you The Stern King."

"How do you know? You don't look like a giantess to me," Edmund asked curiously. The Stern King, he snorted at this name.

"I read," she replied swiftly and started her breakfast, "you're the best swordsman in Narnia, can fight with two blades from what I've read."

"You fight with two blades too," Edmund said, not wanting to say anything else. He wished he could leave, but mother asked him to stay until she finished and bring the tray back to the kitchen.

"I don't," she said shortly.

"What about the other sword?"

"One belongs to you actually," Natasha said, she wasn't looking at him.

Edmund stared at her, "you took Yule, didn't you? Stole it from who?"

He was shocked by his calmness. Yule had been by his side since he was crowned as the Just. He polished it, treasured it. It was with him last time and he gave it to Caspian.

"I'm keeping it for you," Natasha shrugged.

"By stealing it away," Edmund spat.

"The castle was on fire and the White Witch's army was flooding in, she wanted your sword," Natasha protested, "I thought...If I am to help you, I offer you the best."

"Why does she want it? It's just a sword," Edmund frowned.

"You killed her once," she reminded him, "three years ago during the battle against the Telmarine when the Witch tried to tempt others. She believes the sword is the only weapon that can kill her."

"How do you know?" Edmund scowled at her, "wait, reading again, isn't it? But what about what the Witch wants?"

"I hear things," she paused, "I've got friends."

"Name some?"

"Are you going to keep suspecting me for everything I say?" Natasha frowned, "it's been happening since the first day I got here. You keep judging everything I say, my intention and purpose. What do you want?" She put down the fork on the tray harder than necessary, causing a loud "clink".

Edmund shrugged, "I'm taught not to trust easily."

"I know your past, you' were called as-"

"Don't-"

"Edmund, the brave and caution one among the kings and queens," Natasha continued, "and you were..."

Edmund didn't pay attention to what she said then. For a moment, he was grateful, at least this girl did not call him a traitor...though she should.

"Keep your mouth shut when you eat," Edmund said when she was done talking. He stared at her, mentally sighed. He really wasn't in the mood of putting up with girls like her. Natasha muttered something under her breath before picking up the fork again.

"How are we going back?" Edmund asked as she finished the bacon.

"I'll blow the horn and I suppose we will return to Narnia," Natasha guessed, "what are you going to do next?"

"We will," Edmund paused, "I know you're worried, and lots of people must be wondering where we are, but I give you my word that we will save Narnia from the White Witch. I guarantee it with my life."

Natasha's face was unreadable. She looked at tray, eyes told Edmund that she was lost in her memories.

"You don't know what is going on in Narnia now," she whispered, "It's not only about winter...not only about justice and what is right and wrong...she takes control of_ everything_. She knows things that we don't, process a power that you wouldn't dream of."

"We'll finish her off," Edmund concluded, "I assume that you finished."

Without waiting for her answer, Edmund took away the empty tray on her laps and headed out of the room. He couldn't help imagine what Narnia was like now...probably snow all over the place like before...or maybe spies everywhere, the birds, the trees, the goblins and pixies...Edmund pulled himself back together as loading the tray into the sink, noticing his mother was watching him.

"Ed," she called, Edmund mentally groaned before turning to her.

"Yeah mum?"

"Before you guys leave tomorrow," Mum made her way to him, "I want to know what else happened in Narnia. You've grew up, but," she paused, "troubled."

Edmund looked at his mother, remembered how he had been missing his mother all those years as ruling Narnia as the Just, he remembered how he just wished to talk to his mother about those lost years.

Yet standing in front of her at the moment as they would depart soon, Edmund couldn't think of anything else to say. Instead, he stepped forward and hugged her, feeling her in his arms and all those time that she had watched him grow.

"Nothing happened mum."

Natasha enjoyed her life under the Pevensie's root, or at least that was what Edmund noticed.

On the last day, everyone was nervous. There was nothing that they needed to bring, Narnia had everything they needed. Peter promised mum to take care of his brother and sisters before leaving the house. Edmund hugged mum again, somehow, it felt like a goodbye hug, not for a short time, but eternal.

Natasha was indeed curious about everything in the house. The water pumps. The radio. The books. She insisted wearing her mended Narnia clothes and cloak as leaving the house. Their neighbour did stare at her like she came from some kind of drama show though. Susan let her carry the horn and her sword was on her belt. Edmund didn't question again and held his sword tight in his palm.

They went into the woods in the edge of the town where Natasha came from. The woods were tall and quiet, sunlight was barely visible in the spaces between the leaves.

"Are you ready?" Natasha stopped in the centre of the forest.

They nodded except Edmund, who just glanced around. He honestly didn't have a good feeling about this.

"I'm going to blow it now," Edmund looked at Natasha, who didn't meet any of his gaze, nodded, bringing the end of the horn to her lips.

She blew it. Loud and clear, thundering in Edmund's heart, reminding him of the lion roar. Aslan's roar.

Nothing happened for a moment, and slowly, Edmund saw small dots from the distanced woods, growing more and more like a raven butterfly. Soon, Edmund knew. It was the petals. Petals in different colour and size, zooming in as Susan and Lucy gasped. Peter remained calm, so did Edmund.

The petal, flying elegantly in the air, formed a tunnel like mist, still spinning. Peter stood in front of it as gale escaped from the tunnel. Icy cold gale.

There were snow gluing on everything. Nothing was in any colour apart from white. Peter gritted, glanced at his brother and sisters, knowing it was the work of the White Witch. The winter.

"After you, my lord," Natasha said, bowed as handing the horn to the Gentle Queen.

Peter didn't utter a word as stepping into the cold forest in Narnia, followed closely by Lucy and Susan. Edmund glanced at Natasha, who was looking at him with the same amount of caution, and walked into the tunnel made by petals.

He was expecting soft, snowy ground and a sudden drop of temperature. However, all Edmund felt was the hard ground and stuffy air. The mid summer air in fact. The air from his own world.

"What—Why?"

The petals were fading away, melting into the air. Eye widened, Edmund found there were no more petals around him, only woods. Endless woods.

"Why can't you go back?" Natasha goggled at him, mouth opened, "What's happening? It's supposed to work!"

"I don't know," Edmund remembered Natasha handed the horn to Susan, he looked around, knowing something was wrong. Very wrong. The entrance to Narnia would not suddenly closed...unless someone was affecting the magic balance in Narnia...someone who broke the time law and brought winter back...someone who had tempted him...

His siblings were no where to be seen. Edmund and Natasha were in the woods. Alone.

"How am I going home?" Natasha trembled, "my home..."

"Who handed you the horn?" Edmund asked sternly, tightening his fist and Yule.

"A friend who was dead," Natasha muttered, "I want to go back."

Edmund didn't reply, he needed to go back. He wondered if it was one of White Witch's trick, this thought brought fear to Edmund. His family...it might be a trap...He heard Natasha was talking to herself, saying she didn't know what to do.

A crazy idea came to Edmund, it might not work, but if it did, they could go back and save the land they loved. Their home.

"What are we going-"

"We're taking the train," Edmund decided, "heading north. I know a professor can help."

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	4. Chapter 4

Guilt in Life

Chapter Four

Edmund tried, yet again, to remain patient, he had to admit that it was hard.

He looked at the window as countryside came sweeping by. There was only the sound of the running train...and the loud snoring of the man sitting across him.

Two more hours to go and they would arrive the countryside where Professor Krik lived, where they might, by any chance, find their way back to Narnia. Edmund prayed that the entrance was still there in the wardrobe, he knew he needed it. Very much.

"Why are you dressing like this?" A girl, sitting across Natasha next to her snoring father, asked eventually after eyeing at her for one hour.

"This is normal for me, my daily outfit in fact," Natasha frowned, looking at Edmund.

There was no time for Natasha to change and she remained wearing her Narnia clothes. Their swords were hidden secretly in a bag Edmund was holding. Edmund was glad that Natasha didn't complain as people in the street gave her weird looks.

"Ignore her," Edmund said to the girl, smiling slightly.

"But why is she dressing like this?" Edmund appreciated the girl's perseverance.

"Because I am from Narnia," Natasha replied righteously, "and my lord," she whispered to Edmund, "I seriously do not like this vehicle. I think it is going to crash soon."

The girl obviously heard her and eyes widened, looking frightened at Natasha's serious face.

"We won't crash," Edmund assured the girl, flashing his charming smile that he practised in Narnia. It usually worked on females and they would smile sheepishly at him immediately. This girl was of no exception.

"But this thing is vibrating and I don't like it," Natasha was looking tense, gulped as straightening her sitting position.

"This is normal," Edmund shrugged, looking at the pale blue sky outside. He wondered where Peter was now. Ruling, helping as the High King he supposed.

Edmund was never jealous of Peter...okay, maybe a little bit. Edmund was jealous of Peter' s kingship, his leadership and how he managed to get every decision right. He had known that Peter was the worthy king of Narnia. It was always him and always would be him. He was the pure, innocent king, not a man who bore guilt and the name as a traitor.

He noticed Natasha was quiet, which was abnormal for her. She gasped and jumped as the train entered a tunnel, grabbing Edmund' s hand so hard that it hurt. Edmund stayed silence though.

"Where are we?" she trembled as the train was dark.

"A tunnel," Edmund answered, annoyed, "your nails are thrusting into my flesh."

"I'm sorry," she let go extremely quickly, "Sire."

Edmund leaned back, trying to relax himself. But it didn't work as Natasha jumped again as a lady pushing her trolley,selling some food and drinks. The lady gave Natasha an irritated look as walking away.

Natasha, sitting very still next to him, goggled around like she was in an alien planet...which probably was for her, and people started to notice her strange clothing.

"Will you try to act normal?" Edmund muttered as handing her his sweater, covering her Narnia clothes.

"What? You're ashamed of Narnia? It's your kingdom!" she said, a bit too loud actually, "Just King."

Edmund breathed heavily as the girl looked at them curiously.

"You will remain silence until we arrive the last station of the train," Edmund glared, "obey the words of your King."

Natasha glared back and looked away, biting her lips. She didn't speak.

"We still have two more hours to go-"

"-two more hours to be stuck to in the same machine with you-"

"-you can take a rest here," Edmund said, ignored everything she said. They were out of the tunnel soon and bright light stung Edmund's eyes, it took him a moment for his eyes to adjust the light.

"Why is she obeying you?" the girl asked again, frowning, "is she your maid?"

Natasha's eyes widened and wanted to argue back, but Edmund replied first.

"She is not my maid," Edmund said, "and she will remain silence during the ride. Please don't tempt her to speak. She speaks too much."

"You do realize that hurts, don't you?" Natasha glared at him.

Edmund shrugged, "take a nap."

Natasha crossed her arms and shut her eyes. Edmund appreciated the quietness, and he hoped it would last.

Thick clouds were hovering the sky soon. Blue was gone, replaced by the dull colour of grey. Edmund just stared at the green fields outside the large window, reminding him of the Western Woods in Narnia.

Natasha was asleep at last, her head was drooping back and front. She hit the hard glass window eventually, and woke, rubbing her eyes. Edmund sighed quietly, and shoved her head on his shoulder. She didn't protest and closed her eyes soon, weighting upon him and went back to the uneasy sleep.

The snoring man woke as an hour passed. An uneventful hour. The train pulled to a stop, lots of people got off the train, leaving the seats empty. The snoring man's daughter waved goodbye at Edmund, who waved back, carefully not to wake Natasha. The girl whispered to him before following her father to get off the train.

"I think you should be nice to her even though she dresses a bit weird," she said and hopped off the train. Edmund stared at her back. Great. Even a stranger asked him to be nice to Natasha.

Maybe he didn't deserve to be king. He couldn't even manage to be nice to Natasha. His own people who laid down her life to reach for him.

Maybe he truly didn't deserve to be king after all. Aslan might have made-Edmund had tried to convince himself that Aslan would never make mistake, but maybe, this time, Aslan was wrong. He should have chosen someone else, not a wreck like him. A futile King.

Maybe if he wasn't so weak before, things might have been different...

Maybe if he wasn't the traitor...The train pulled to its final stop with a loud howl. Edmund glanced at Natasha, sleeping peacefully, and patted her face.

"What?" she mumbled, "five more minutes and I will be up, I promise."

Edmund didn't wait. He got up from the train and Natasha's head hit the empty seat. She woke up, groaning.

They didn't have any luggage, only a bag with two sharp blades. Natasha, glared at Edmund, followed him to get off the train, which disappeared in the end of the street swiftly.

Holding the bag, Edmund realised nothing changed here. The field was still green and massive, the roads were large and bright. Edmund tried to remember which way of the house and started walking.

"Where are we going?" Natasha asked.

"We'll be there soon," Edmund said in a cold tone.

"Is that professor living alone?" Natasha asked again, pacing up to follow his strides.

"Yes, I supposed, "Edmund nodded, "he used to live with an annoying cleaning lady, but she resigned by the end of last summer. Professor Kirke told us that by letter."

The mansion stood in front of them, huge and unchanged. Edmund pressed the door bell, expecting Professor Kirke's kind face and his warm welcoming.

None of these came though.

Edmund rang the bell again and again impatiently, and started banging violently at the door with his fist.

"Professor Kirke!"

They had lost a lot of time already and he didn't want to waste and wait.

"Perhaps you should try it in a gentle way," Natasha said and turned the doorknob.

"So?"

"It's locked," Natasha sighed.

Edmund ran to the other side of the house and turned a corner, where the Pevensie used to play after returning from Narnia. He didn't have time to praise the memories as tip-toeing. Peeking into the house from the tall window, he supposed he would find Professor Krik sitting in his favourite chair with eyes narrowing at a thick book behind his round glasses.

He didn't see anyone.

"Where is that Professor?" Natasha asked.

Edmund didn't answer, he paced back and fro in the backyard. Professor Kirke would answer the door, Edmund knew he would. Something was wrong there, and he needed to find out what that was.

"How are we going in?" Natasha questioned, "the door is locked and the house seems empty. Unless you're suggesting we break in-"

"Smarty," it was like someone flicked a light in Edmund's mind, "take this."

He threw the bag of sword to Natasha.

"You are not—You are a king, you don't break in other's house even in your world," Natasha reminded him.

"Not when things are getting a bit nasty," Edmund said and searched in the ground.

There were pebbles. Lots of pebbles.

"Stand back." Natasha did.

Grabbing one pebble, Edmund swung his arm backward and threw it at the centre window with all his might. There were clattering and clinking sound. Edmund threw another and another. He soon learnt not to feel pity for the shattered glasses though he was sure Professor Kirke was not going to be pleased about this. He definitely wasn't going to be happy about this.

Edmund half heartedly wished the professor would storm out of his study and shouted at him like he was a misbehaving bad boy. He waited, but he didn't show up.

Okay, something was going_ very _wrong.

"Come here."

They walked to the window, Edmund drew his sword from his sheath. He looked at Natasha and put his finger on his lip.

"Don't make a sound," he mouthed, and skilfully climbed into the house through the window. It was the common room the siblings shared during the Second World War. He looked around, the room was vacated, everything was dusted, covered with white cloak.

"Ouch!"

Edmund snapped his head at Natasha impatiently. Her arm was bleeding.

"Sorry," she mumbled, "the sharp glass blades."

Edmund sighed quietly, "I'll fix your wounds later. Stay here."

"I'll go with you," she insisted, wincing.

"Sword out."

Edmund skulked with caution, taking light steps. It reminded him of their attack at the castle as helping Caspian. They were in the corridor, it was empty.

"Where is the professor?" Natasha whispered.

"I don't know," he muttered, "let's go to his study."

The children were permitted to visit the professor's study during their stay, but all of them agreed that spending their time out there in the yard was a way better option than staying in the study where you could only find books.

Edmund opened the door of the study, walked past the living room and found no one was there. The study was empty.

What was more, it was like a fierce battle happened here.

Books were spread on the floor everywhere. The large desk was being pushed to the corner and the chair was ripped apart. Cotton of the couch was sticking out from all direction. Ink was covering the papers while the ruddy curtains were gashed.

"Looks like a Minotaur was here," Natasha commented.

"An army of Minotaur more like it," Edmund mumbled, examining the blade on the desk, "an axe hit here," he pointed at the concave on the wooden desk, "and a sword here," he pointed at the other side of the table, "a mallet, or a mace smashed the lamp."

"What's happened?" she breathed.

"Professor? Professor Kirke!" Edmund shouted loudly, no one was replying and Edmund knew his theory was right.

Edmund looked at Natasha,

"someone kidnapped him."


	5. Chapter 5

Guilt in Life

Chapter Five

Edmund punched the hard wood that barely stood on the wall with all his might. One punch harder than another. He didn't care as his knuckles went white.

"You're going to break it!" Natasha shouted.

"It's already broken!"

Panting, Edmund thrust his sword away, frustrated. He kicked the auburn woods that scattered on the floor, shutting his eyes in pain as scratching his hair desperately.

They couldn't find Professor Kirke and hurried to the room to find the wardrobe. Yet, someone meant to destroy the only passage to Narnia.

The wardrobe was crushed completely.

"I don't get it! Who is doing all these? They stopped me from going back to Narnia, kidnapped the professor, destroyed the wardrobe. What do they want?"

"Someone doesn't want you to go back obviously," Natasha guessed, "but what about me?"

"The White Witch," he mumbled, groaning, "it must be her. What's she playing at?"

"You're not helping," she snapped.

"You aren't either."

They stayed silence for a while as Edmund panted, trying not to let anger be the master of his thoughts.

"What to do now?" Natasha asked, she glanced out of the window. Edmund noticed there were long shadows on the wall. Their shadows actually. The late afternoon light gleamed into the room, dying Natasha's hair red. He noticed blood was dripping from her arm.

He sighed, "we'll figure that out later."

Edmund walked to her and took her arm. She winced. He examined the wounds, cut by glasses apparently. He was not as good as Lucy when it came to healing, but as being a King for a long time, he was no stranger to wounds.

"Can't you be a bit more gentle?" she complained.

"I'm not good at these," Edmund admitted, "I suppose there are some bandages here."

Edmund helped Natasha get to the living room. He found some bandages and towels in the drawer. As sitting in front of Natasha on the tea table with a bowl of water next to him, Edmund took her arms and mopped the wounds with it.

"Oh my," she moaned as Edmund pressed her wounds accidentally.

"My apologies," Edmund mumbled, "I can't concentrate while the White Witch is bringing winter back to Narnia now."

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"I am not sure if I can stop you," Edmund said as tipping the towel to the water.

"Why did the Witch Witch kidnap you when you arrived Narnia?"

Edmund's working hand stopped as he looked at her. He realized her eyes were in blue. Lake blue and clear, and there were few freckles on her face. He blinked.

"What do you mean by 'kidnap'?"

"It's said in the books that she kidnapped you to threaten Aslan and the High King," Natasha explained, "what happened there?"

"Books," he paused, "are not exactly accurate sometimes."

"Enlighten me." Her face was hopeful.

"Just," he paused again, "it's complicated."

"We have time," Natasha encouraged.

"I don't," Edmund said coldly, "if you're treating it like a vacation-"

"I don't," She snapped, "You've no idea what Narnia means to me."

"Enlighten me," Edmund copied.

Natasha snorted as Edmund finished bandaging her wounds. He got up and noticed night had fallen. There was nothing he could do now. Nothing at all.

They found some left over breads in the kitchen and had a simple supper. Edmund went back to Professor Kirke's study, tried to see if there was any clue while Natasha checked out the Pevensie's old rooms.

Edmund examined the desk, he pulled out the drawers. There were a pair of spare glasses, a few books that Edmund wasn't interested in. He took them out, flipped them. There wasn't any clue.

Why was Professor Kirke was taken? He hadn't been to Narnia from what Edmund knew, though he was very fond of the idea of Narnia when he listened to the siblings' adventure there. Edmund understood that the White Witch wanted him dead, but for the Professor... he couldn't figure out why... His mind was fogged by worries.

Edmund was going to find Natasha when he passed Professor Krik's bed room. Instead of ignoring it, he opened the door and found everything was placed elegantly. He had never set foot here before.

The bed was lying in the centre of the room. Obviously no one attacked this room since everything was still in one piece. Edmund walked to the nightstand next to the bed. There were books and papers with rough writing. Edmund glanced at it, just some boring essay. He did notice one thing though.

The pillow was covering something. He lifted it up and found a small blue book. Flipping it, there were untidy writing and dates on the corner of each page. Professor's journal.

Edmund supposed he could catch up with some bedtime reading though, again, he knew Professor Kirke wasn't going to happy when he found out.

He returned to the boy's dormitory that he used to share with Peter, found Natasha sitting on his bed as reading a yellowish paper with a huge amount of concentration.

"What's that?"

Natasha gasped and jumped, quickly thrust the paper to her back, smiled uneasily at him.

"Nothing," she mumbled, "what did you find in the study?"

"Not a clue," Edmund said, "What's that paper for?"

"Just some random sheet I found," Natasha mumbled, "let's-"

"Show me the paper," Edmund said, hoping it wouldn't possibly be the paper he lost last time he was here.

"Sire, this is just some-"

"Natasha."

"Fine," she snapped and handed the torn paper to him. Edmund smoothed it eagerly and Natasha looked away quickly.

_**We are back, **_the paper wrote**_, from Narnia for the third day. Things are not normal, I'm supposed to be forty seven, but I, the Just King, am still bearing the body of my young self..._**

"You're not supposed to read this," Edmund said in a cold tone and turned his heel to leave the room. He paused, "you're going to sleep in the girl's dormitory, I'll be in Professor Krik's room if you need me."

Back in professor's room, Edmund walked to the tall window and gazed out at the empty field with all lights were turned off in the house. The pale moonlight painted gracefully on the field. On the trees. On the roads. On the paper that he was handing.

Edmund denied the fact that he wanted to read this. Still, as looking at his untidy scrawl, he surrendered and took a deep breath, tried to face his past.

**_We are back from Narnia for the third day. Things are not normal. I am supposed to be forty seven, but I, the Just King, am still bearing the body of my young self. None of us are able to move on at the moment. Susan is better though, she can manage to comfort Lucy when she cries. Peter can't sleep at night, too, he keeps knocking the wardrobe, hoping to get back to Narnia._**

_**I miss Yule, and the Beavers. What's more, I miss my country, and every single soul in it, which is the exact reason why I have to write this down. To convince myself that everything happened in Narnia is not a childish dream or just some fantasy I have. **_

_**I checked my stomach, the wound hurt by the Witch remains. The battle wounds are still on my arms. Since I am just writing to myself, I suppose it is all right for me to confess the truth. To myself. **_

_**I have sold Narnia out. I sold it to the White Witch and I deserve the name "Traitor". Every now and then when I think of my people, and how they welcomed me back to Aslan's camp many years ago, my heart aches. **_

_**I still remember how they smiled at me,at the sinner who made their misery worse. They taught me to fight with swords, ate with me, talked to me like I was their brother, bowed at me. I didn't deserve those, I still don't. **_

_**They say Aslan won't make mistake. He did when he laid down his life to pay my debt. I knew he had come back to life, but whenever I think of the pain he has bore, and the insults and taunting, I can't forgive myself. **_

_**Mr Tumnus and the fox were turned to stones once because of me. They FORGAVE me while they should hate me. I was never the worthy King, nor I ever will be one. **_

_**Maybe, somehow, this return just means that my time in Narnia is up, but what about the others? I am the one deserves punishment, not Peter, or Susan, or Lucy. **_

_**I guess I will just burn this paper then, though it is obvious that the guilt I am bearing will never be burnt. **_

Edmund looked at the field again. He was right, guilt would never be burnt away, so was the name traitor.

Wearied, yet he was not in the mood of sleeping. Edmund sat on the bed, turned on the lamp on the nightstand and started reading Professor Kirke's journal after burning his confession. The journal was, in fact, boring. It only marked down the presentation days of his essays and other days like moving it, friend's wedding.

He was reading about Professor Kirke moving into this house when a quiet knock disturbed his thoughts.

Natasha was standing in the doorway, rubbing her eyes.

"Sire," she greeted.

"What's wrong?"

"Just," she paused, "I can't sleep. This place is spooky and I think there are still Minotaurs hiding here."

Edmund raised an eyebrow, "we've searched the place for three times."

"I don't like sleeping in eerie places," she admitted, gulped.

Edmund glanced at his double bed, moved to the side and patted the bed.

"Are you sure I won't be troubling your reading?" she frowned.

"You are, indeed, a trouble," he said, "but I'm used to troubles."

Natasha smiled slightly and crawled to the bed. Edmund gave her his pillow and she closed her eyes soon. Edmund noticed she had long eyelashes. Like really, really long eyelashes. He put the blanket over her shoulder and started reading again.

Edmund rubbed his eyes tiresomely after long hours of reading, he was going to give up and close the book when something caught his attention a month after Professor Kirke moved in the house.

The first entry:

I ordered the carpenters to cut down the Tree and use the woods to build something. I cannot think of what to build. A desk? A chair? But there are lots of woods and I want to build something useful. I wonder what Aslan wants me to build.

"Aslan?" he mumbled

The second entry:

The carpenters has finished their work at last! I am glad I kept the seeds of the apple from Narnia. I miss that country and everyone in it. The wardrobe reminds me of it, and Polly.

Quickly, Edmund flipped to the last few pages of the journal and started reading.

The entry of the day when the children returned from Narnia:

The Pevensie children have been to Narnia and be Kings and Queens there. They defeated Jadis! If my theory is correct, this magical wardrobe leads them back to the magical land. They wish to enter again but failed, but I understand. It's the timing.

It was like someone just flicked a light in Edmund's brain.

He patted Natasha'a shoulder with the book, "Get up!"

"Why do you have to be so annoying?" she mumbled, eyes were still shutting.

"I find a way back to Narnia," he exclaimed.

Her eyes snapped open as looking at him.

"The wardrobe gets us to Narnia before," Edmund examined his theory, "right?"

"But it's destroyed," Natasha reminded him.

"Not if I rebuild it," Edmund said, "We don't need the original wardrobe. We can make a tunnel, or anything. The woods are from Narnia. They contain a certain of magic."

"How are we going to do this alone?"

"It's the only way," Edmund said grimly, "I just need nails and a mallet."

Natasha nodded, "you should get some sleep first."

"But-"

"You look tired," Natasha pointed out.

"I am not-"

"Please," she insisted.

"Just a few hours then," Edmund agreed. He turned off the light, remain sitting as a Narnia King should always be composed with ladies, head leaning on the head board and closed his eyes.

He was going back. Soon.

Please Review.

Sorry for the misspelling before.

Thank you for correcting me.


	6. Chapter 6

Guilt in Life

Chapter Six

"You need to eat something," Edmund heard Natasha's voice.

"Later," he repeated for the forth time, mopping the sweats on his forehead as the faint morning light gleamed into the room on the auburn woods. All heard in the room was the endless echo of hammering.

Natasha was quiet, she offered to help, too. Edmund refused though. He knew she shouldn't move her arm too much and carpentry was definitely not for her. He glanced at her, found her scowling at him with a tray of buttered breads, looking irritated, he knew she was worried.

Edmund sighed, putting down the mallet and looked at her, "Fine, I'll eat."

"I wish I could help," she mumbled as sitting down on the floor opposite him, handing him the tray, "I'm glad I've found some milk."

"Not left over, isn't it?" Edmund glanced at the milk jug.

"There's a freezing machine," Natasha mused, "I freaked out when I opened it."

"That's why you screamed just now," Edmund said, remembering her shriek as taking the bread.

Natasha smiled sheepishly. Edmund took a sip of the milk,not feeling the sweetness of it but something stirring in him. He ignored this feeling started eating his breakfast, filling his rumbling stomach.

"How much more to go?" Natasha asked, looking at the wood strips.

Edmund woke up at dawn, couldn't go back to sleep as excitement filled him instead of worries. He started building a mini wardrobe by the woods that left behind. He had to be very careful and couldn't make any mistake, he didn't have many woods. Mallet and some nails were found in the kitchen. He had been working for hours until Natasha got up.

"No need to install the door, I just need to finish the top of the wardrobe," Edmund replied, "we will go back soon."

Natasha nodded, "I wonder what's going on in Narnia now," she muttered.

"It's going to be all right," Edmund tried to convince her, and himself, "Peter's there, he'll have the problem fixed."

"I heard a new prophecy is made lately," she mused, "I don't what that prophecy is, but it's the key to destroy the White Witch."

"What do you mean?" Edmund frowned at her words.

"Don't you see? History is repeating itself in a different angle," Natasha explained, "A prophecy was made about the sons and daughters of Eve defeating her, remember? The White Witch was scared of this prophecy and tried to kill all of you. Now a new prophecy is made..."

Edmund blinked, "you're saying there's something to do with me about the prophecy."

"I don't know," Natasha said sincerely, "only old Narnians and King Caspian know about this."

"Who made them? The prophecy I mean," Edmund asked, looking at her face.

"An old tree planted by Aslan himself," Natasha replied, "no one has seen it."

"That's why she stopped us from going back isn't it?" Edmund guessed, "but this doesn't explain anything about the professor."

"If she is to rule again," Natasha said slowly, "she obviously needs someone who knows Narnia well, right?"

"I don't know if Professor Kirke has been to Narnia..." he trailed off.

Natasha sighed, "I suppose all we can do is finish building the wardrobe."

Edmund looked at the uncompleted wardrobe, and wondered...

Shaking his head, Edmund picked up the mallet and started nailing two pieces of woods together. It wasn't hard to do all these carpentry, it just reminded him how he used to learn to forge swords with the dwarfs.

Natasha sat in the corner and watched him to work. She sometimes asked if he was hungry or if he needed anything. Edmund mostly nodded and stole glances at her. He watched sunlight turn from pale white to orange, noticing their long shadows on the wall when the final nail was hammered on the wardrobe.

Edmund stood back, looked at the big wooden case. It was probably the weirdest thing Edmund had ever seen, or made. Woods were uneven and rough, being painted to right red by the late afternoon light. It was narrow, the two of them could barely stand there together. It was like a coffin without door, standing along the wall.

"Is it finished?"

Edmund grinned satisfyingly, and nodded.

"But I don't see how we are going to Narnai with it," She gulped.

His grin faded as he knocked the inner wall of the wardrobe, Narnia was apparently no where to be seen in the small box. He stared, and glared.

"It's supposed to work," he mumbled, "the Witch cannot block the new passage."

"Maybe we have to wait," Natasha suggested gently.

"You wait alone then," he snapped, "I need to go back now."

"Stop talking like you are the _only_ one who cares about Narnia, can't you?"she muttered.

"I am sorry," he said instantly, "but, I..." he let out the breath that he was holding, "I am freaked out."

"What are we going to do now?"

It would have been better if she shouted. It freaked Edmund out more to hear the disappointed tone in her voice though Natasha obviously did try to hide it. He looked at her as she gave him a grim smile.

"I don't know," he said flatly, "but don't worry."

She nodded, looking as though she was struggling to believe his words.

"I'll change the bandage on your arm for you," he said, tried to light up his tone and his mood.

Natasha nodded again and they went to the living room.

"I'm sorry," Edmund apologized quietly as wiping her cuts with towel.

"What's that for?"

"I've been rude," he replied, "I was mean."

"And arrogant, and irritating," Natasha paused, "sire."

Edmund let the smile escape from his lips, "thanks for the compliment."

Natasha giggled. She had got a blazing look. Edmund wondered what took him so long to notice that.

"Call me Edmund," he said, wondered how his name would sound from her voice.

"Right," she said shortly.

Well, not exactly the word he wanted to hear.

They had dinner hastily, went back to the room soon, tried to see if they could go back from the magical woods. Edmund asked Natasha to take an early rest since the possibility of them going back to Narnia was figuratively thin, he couldn't bear any of her disappointed faces anymore, though she didn't mean to show them.

"I can't stay in anywhere here alone anyway," Natasha said, finding an excuse to keep him companied, "I'll stay here with you."

Edmund sat down right in front of the wardrobe, fingers taping the floor impatiently as moonlight shone in.

What didn't it work? Edmund didn't doubt his theory, but somehow, it just didn't work. Was it because of the White Witch? Or maybe, by any chance, Aslan didn't want him to go back?

Perhaps it was his punishment for betraying Narnia before. No matter how he tried, or had tried, to fix it, a bad record was a bad record. Nothing could be done to change that.

Even after he battling against the Witch, after he being crowned as the Just and bringing peace to Narnia for decades, after returning once again and fighting with Caspian against the Telmarines, after smashing the witch's spell from affecting Peter...none of these could pay his debt.

He glanced sideways and saw Natasha was asleep, head against the hard wall, and he realised it was almost midnight. He wondered if he should wake her, but she was sleeping all peaceful. Edmund went to his room and fetched a blanket for her.

Natasha woke unfortunately.


	7. Chapter 7

Guilt in Life

Chapter Seven

"You're done with your musing?" she rubbed her eyes.

Edmund nodded, "let's get you to the bed."

Natasha got up and started walking to Professor Kirke's room. She collapsed onto the bed soon. Edmund, like last night, sat on the bed next to her and closed his eyes.

"Thanks," Edmund heard her mumbled.

"What for?" His eyes remained closing.

"For trying," she muttered, Edmund saw form the corner of his eye that she turned to face him.

"Even if it doesn't work," Edmund raised an eyebrow.

"It will," she said hopefully. For a moment, Edmund wished he had her faith.

"Why did you call me a king who has lost hope before?"

"You are," she paused, "don't you notice that?"

"What should I notice?" Edmund frowned.

"Everyone says you bear a heavy burden," she continued, "you always wear a scowl or a serious face, barely smile or laugh."

Edmund shrugged. It was a comfy silence before Natasha spoke again.

"Is it because of guilt?" she asked sharply.

Edmund's eyes snapped open.

"I don't know-"

"Stop denying it," she interrupted him. Edmund found Natasha's eyes were open, looking at him with her blue eyes sparkling in the raven night. She was blazing in the dark.

"I'm not denying anything," Edmund shivered.

"I can always tell when others are lying," Natasha said righteously, "Edmund..."

As much as he was delighted that she called his name, Edmund didn't want to continue their conversation.

"Do not bear this guilt," she sat up, looking at him at the same level, "It's not your fault"

"Don't try to talk me out of it," Edmund recalled how his siblings had tried, "it's not going to work."

"That's because you don't let others try," Natasha pointed out.

"You read this from that paper isn't it?" Edmund asked gloomily.

"I don't know why you did that-"

"You don't know what happened back there," Edmund sighed, "I am not in the mood of talking about it."

"Tell me," she whispered as eyeing at him. With curiosity. With care, actual care. With gentle eyes and tender voice.

Edmund felt weak as shaking his head. It had nothing to do with affection, or friendship, or companionship, or anything that they were sharing now. Edmund felt like, it felt like he could talk. It was like he could talk about everything with her.

"I was," he stared at the blanket, "I was a jerk, a really really bad guy..."

As Edmund talked, Natasha was listening patiently. She didn't ask as let him finish everything. When he mentioned about the Fox that help him but was turned to be stone by the Witch, his fist was tightened. He wanted to hide it, but Natasha saw it all the same. Instead of giving him a look of disgust, she slowly reached out to hold his hand. His was large and scarred while hers was small and delicate.

"...so we saved Narnia again. I'm the so-call good guy, but now you know what I have done to Narnia," Edmund finished with a sigh, noticed that Natasha's hand had not let go his.

"Wow."

"I understand if you want to hit me, or slay me with your sword, or just detest me," Edmund looked at Natasha's hand.

"You know I am not going to do that," she promised, "I don't know about things that happened 1300 years ago, but for King Caspian's incident, everyone praises you as hero. You smashed the White Witch's evil spell!"

"That's what I should do,"Edmund mumbled.

"Don't feel guilty," she repeated, stroking his hand.  
Edmund shook his head, looked out of the window , felt like hours had passed.

"You don't understand."

"You think Aslan shouldn't have died for you, right? You think you should be the one to die, you think no matter how you try, there're still things in Narnia missing because of you."

Her words were sharp. Eyes were even shaper. Edmund felt naked with her gaze upon him.

"Maybe," he admitted, shrugging.

"Maybe you should start again, ignore the guilt," she suggested, "let it go."

"It's hard," he replied, "it's been with me for decades."

"I will help you," Natasha smiled faintly at him, "I would love to meet the guilt-free Edmund Pevensie."

"But he's a jerk," Edmund smiled lightly.

"If I can put up with the arrogant Edmund, the guilt-free Edmund shouldn't be a problem."

Edmund, for the first time in many years, chuckled.

"You were a traitor," the word traitor didn't sound too horrible from her, "but a hero now."

"The whole I-am-traitor-thing is very heavy," he commented, exhaled deeply.

"I'll take part of that guilt then," Natasha said, she took out something from her pocket. It was a chain with a ring made of silver. Dwarf's work.

"What's that?" he asked curiously.

"Family gift, we give it to people that we care, which is you," she said slowly, "I'll put it on for you, if you want."

Edmund wished it was brighter here, because he thought he saw her cheek became rosy.

"Sure."

Edmund leaned close and let Natasha put the chain on his neck. He felt her cold fingertips against his flesh. When she was done, she leaned back, but Edmund put a hand on her face, feeling her smooth cheek. Her cheeks were warm while his was rising with unstoppable heat.

"This isn't right," Natasha mumbled, it felt like she was speaking to herself.

"You're beautiful," he muttered, stroking her face. He could her eyelashes very clearly, but none was as attractive as her blue eyes as they locked with his brown ones. Edmund was breathing slowly and heavily as leaning in.

A shriek shattered the silence.

They jumped apart quickly. Edmund recognized this voice. He had heard it once when they broke Professor Kirke's window glass with a ball.

"Who's that?" Natasha breathed.

"The annoying housekeeper," Edmund replied, groaned, cursing silently as she ruined one of the best moments in his life, "she's found professor's study."

"What's she doing here?"

"Don't know, but she won't be pleased to see us here. We broke in after all," Edmund said as hopping off the bed, "let's go to the room that hides the wardrobe, the professor has forbidden her to go there."

"And I think she won't be pleased to see your sword either," Natasha remained him. Edmund grinned before grabbing Yule, quietly opened the door and peeked.

"...don't know who broke in Professor Kirke's house...must be the Newton kids...breaking the windows...crushing the study...if I wasn't happened to pass by and visit the professor..." Her voice remained dry and queer, Edmund noticed.

"Why is she talking to herself?" Natasha frowned.

"Her daily habit," Edmund replied, "come on."

They climbed the stairs, Natasha tripped and they raced up the room with the magic wardrobe. Edmund dragged Natasha in, peeking at the corridor in the gap of the door. Natasha was tugging his shirt, he was too busy to look at her as hearing the housekeeper's light steps.

"Edmund..." she tugged his shirt harder.

"One more second," Edmund said impatiently.

"No, Edmund!"

Edmund turned and looked at Natasha who was pointing at the wardrobe with shakily finger.

Instead of the auburn woods, there were snow, and trees with needle like leaves, branches spreading out in the pale sky like spider webs. There was a street lamp with no light on. Chilly gales swept into the room, freezing them from the inside out.

It barely resembled the land Edmund loved, his home. No more laugher. No more dance. Trees didn't move. Flower didn't blossom. Air was dead. Road was empty. Narnia seemed dead with no life at all.

"Let's go back home," Natasha mumbled, tugged his shirt again.

This time, Edmund didn't ignore her and let her drag him back to his country.

To the land he adored.

**Please Review**


	8. Chapter 8

Guilt in Life

Chapter Eight

"Are you sure you don't need to get a coat?" Edmund, rubbing Natasha's arm, was shocked by the concern in his voice. Suddenly, he sounded like Susan. He didn't really cared though.

Natasha shook her head as another gale swept past. Her face was white, lips were pale.

"Maybe you should go back and wait in that room," Edmund mumbled, glancing at the distanced room in Professor Kirke's house in the spaces between the snowed, needles-like leaves.

"I am not going back," Natasha insisted stubbornly, "this is home."

Well, this didn't look like home to me, Edmund thought darkly. He shook his head and looked around. Everything, he did mean everything, was covered with ice and snow didn't stop falling from the clouded sky. Trees didn't dance and no singing was heard. It was like the first time he came to Narnia, but worse.

Edmund cleared his throat , put his arm around Natasha and pulled her against him, didn't help much in the inhuman temperature though.

"Do you recognize the road? Maybe you can bring us back to the city," Edmund suggested.

Natasha shook her head again, "the city is occupied by traitors that turned to the White Witch, they crowned someone king, but he is a tyranny, obeying everything the White Witch says, and here," she looked around, "it didn't belong to the Telmarines. It is belonged to the Old Narnians. Some of them go back to the dark side, but most of them stay with our King and fight along with him."

"What do you mean it's belonged to the Narnians?"

Natasha snuggled closer to Edmund, "Old Narnians believed here, right near the street lamp, is where the first son, which is you, and daughter of Eve arrived. They keep this place to themselves. King Caspian respects them."

"You've never been here before?" Edmund asked, noticed she was shaking.

She shook her head, trembling with the unmeasurable coldness.

"We have to get out of here," Edmund muttered. He looked at the hills, spotted there were two hills in the north, remembered there was the White Witch's palace. If she was rebuilding her army, she must rebuild her ice castle there too. Guilt welled in his chest, he ignored it. He tried anyway.

"There was a place where the Beavers lived," Edmund remembered, "I hope it's still there. At least we can get some warm."

Natasha nodded, breathing heavily against him.

"Come on," Edmund whispered in her ear and they were fighting their way to the main road. Edmund remembered this road clearly, and how he agreed to betray his family, and his people. Natasha looked at him as though she could see through him, she held his hand like she did before.

"Don't t-t-think about i-i-it," Natasha mumbled faintly, "It's n-n-not your f-f-fault..."

"Shut up," he hushed her gently, "save your breathe."

They kept walking, going slower and slower. Eventually, Natasha buried her head in the crook of Edmund's neck, he felt her breathing was tender and fading.

Edmund thought he saw something hopped past, he wondered if coldness had affected his sight and he started imagining things. He closed his eyes and opened again, yet, a small black shadow, did hop past in front of him.

"Who are you?" Edmund asked kingly. His hand was coiling at Natasha's waist, the other was grabbing his sword tight. He could fight, but the chill would definitely slow him down.

A small squirrel came crawling out behind the tree. Its eyes were big big and coal like, nails were long and sharp with a sincere face.

"Hi there," Edmund attempted to bow.

Natasha looked at it weakly, she forced a smile, "Hello lovely."

"Are you a Narnian?" Edmund asked. The squirrel stood up and bowed. Edmund felt as though someone turned on a lighter in the dark.

"Please get us out of here," he breathed.

The squirrel bowed again. Edmund was going to tell Natasha that things was going to be just fine when a reddish ball jumped out from nowhere.

"No-"

Edmund saw sharp teeth were bared and heard a squealed. The squirrel obviously tried to escape, but the red, fur ball just bit into the neck of it. There was blood flashing on the snowy ground and sound of someone licking its paw.

Natasha stood back as Edmund drew his sword, glaring at the red fur ball, which he noticed was a fox with reddish brown skins. He was licking its front paw, looking delighted.

"In Aslan's name, who are you?" Edmund pointed his blade at the fox, he heard Natasha was whimpering as approaching to the dead squirrel.

"Do not insult Aslan's name," the fox bowed with with his amber eyes gazing at them. Edmund, for a second, thought he saw the fox glared at Natasha.

"Who are you?"

"Leif, the Fox Heir."

"Who d-d-do you ally with?" Edmund's blade was sharp, not sharper than his eyes.

"Well," Leif said in a in a matter-of-fact voice, "my great great great grandpa was turned to a stone for a while because of you, my lord, and why, in Aslan's name, will I be allying with the Witch?"

"You're a Narnian," Edmund stated, tried not to be affected by the chill as drawing his sword back to the hilt.

"Obviously," he said in a lazy voice.

"What about that-"

"Hush my lord," he said, glanced at the trees, "they are back to their favourite post. Spy."

Edmund heard a small "thud", he turned and gasped. Natasha was fainted, brown hair was spreading on the white floor, barely breathing.

"Hey, Nat..." Edmund pulled her into his arm and glanced at Leif, "Get us to safety. Now."

Blink of hesitation was shone in Leif's eyes before he started leaping into the dark woods. Edmund paced fast to follow him, carrying Natasha in his arms.

"Come on, Nat, get up and tease at me..." Edmund didn't realised he was muttering to Natasha until they reached somewhere like a small cave. Leif glanced at them uncertainly before hurdling into the cave. Their footsteps echoed and Edmund heard Leif stopped.

"Mary," he called, "Mary, it's Leif. Let me in."

"Coming, wait. What did you mother call your father when nobody was around?" came a female voice.

"Sweety Foxy," Leif replied, glancing at Edmund embarrassedly.

"Okay, and next. What is my childhood nickname?"

"Mary it's urgent," Leif said angrily, "the Just King's here."

"The Just? The Just King? Ki-King Ed-Ed-Edmund? Oh Aslan," They were in the dark cave for a moment, and the next: Bright candle light blinded Edmund's eyes. Leif hopped in, Edmund followed him.

It reminded Edmund of the Beavers' house, only this house was bigger and things were nicely organized. There was another fox with dark brown fur, bowing as Edmund nodded gratefully.

"My lord," she, Mary, said, "I c-c-can't believe that I would meet you-"

"Save it, Mary," Leif said and gestured at the bed. Natasha was placed on the bed hastily. Edmund sat down next to her, her face was pale. He put a strand of her brown locks to the back of her ear.

"Mary, can you fix her?" Edmund frowned.

"Well," Edmund didn't fail to notice the pride in her voice, "I do have some medicine. Is she out in the freezing weather for long?"

"Yes," Leif replied as Mary disappeared to another room to fetch for medicine.

"Boil some water, Leif!" Her voice echoed in the small cave house.

"Can we trust her?" Edmund whispered to Leif.

"I've known her for my entire life, the oldest family friend," Leif replied, "My lord, I-"

"Call me Edmund."

"Edmund," he paused, "I apologize for the fright before. But that squirrel was a spy, I've been watching for a long time. The Witch should know by now that you've returned. Why aren't, may I ask, you are not with the High King?"

"Something blocked Natasha and me from coming back to Narnia," Edmund explained, "the magic horn didn't work for us somehow."

Leif glanced at the fainted Natasha, "do you think-"

"She has my full confidence," Edmund waved his hand impatiently as Leif reached out to start boiling the water.

"She gains my confidence then," Leif replied unwillingly.

"Why didn't you trust her before?" Edmund sat on the bed next to Natasha, her breathing was even again.

"Dark time now," Leif commented, "don't know who we can trust and who can't."

"Look," Edmund said, "I am actually coming back through a professor's wardrobe, do you happen to know Professor Kirke?"

"Digory Kirke? He's one of the founders of Narnia!" Leif gasped, "I've heard from rumour that the Witch has caught someone who knows things. This professor would definitely know the weakness of Narnia and if she gets the truth out of him-"

"I got the theory," Edmund muttered, "What about my brother and sisters? Do you know where are they now?"

"The High King and some others are in the camp of Aslan's table and King Caspian and his weak army are in the Western Woods. I heard the High King is looking for you," Leif paused, "I will assist you to anywhere you need to go, Edmund, I give you my word."

"Why?"

"The Witch is a plague," he sighed, "I've been guessing after knowing you were missing. I thought, maybe, you would come back to our world from this ancient spot, I waited and waited, until you showed up."

"I don't know where to go now," Edmund admitted, "You think I should go to Peter's or Caspian's?"

"Anyway is fine," Leif said, "But we have to move fast. We should expect the Witch's army soon."

"I can't go anywhere with Natasha is like this," Edmund glanced at Natasha nervously.

"I've found something really useful!" Mary emerged into the room again, holding a small tube, "this will do."

Edmund stood back as Mary carefully tip the yellow liquid to Natasha's lips with her front paw.

"A few more hours at most and she will wake," Mary said, "my lord, how did Leif find you?"

Leif shook his head, "No, Mary, you should go now."

"What?" she shrieked in a rather high pitched voice, "I'm going with you."

"No way," Leif said sternly, "please, the army will be on its way coming by now. I have to stay with the King."

"Then I'll stay," Mary said stubbornly.

"No," Leif rejected loudly, "you should go...go to the Aslan's table where you will find the High King. Tell him about his brother."

"But-"she whimpered.

"I need a moment sire," Leif bowed and led Mary out of the room.

Edmund looked at Natasha, stroking her cheek with his hand. She looked so frail suddenly, with eyes closed, chest moving up and down steadily. He didn't know what brought him back to Narnia again, but somehow, Natasha was right, he did believe it had something to do with the prophecy.

He was outside the door as wanting to ask Leif for towel for Natasha. He stopped though.

"I will go to the High King, Leif. Be really careful," Mary said, "but I don't get it. What is _she_ doing with the king?"

"I don't know," Leif mused, "But Edmund trusts her, so I trust her."

"But she's the most brilliant spy in Narnia!"

"I don't know," Leif repeated, "I swear in Aslan's name that I won't let her hurt the King."

"Will she?"

Leif sighed loudly, "Mary, just take care of yourself and I will deal with the rest. I...I am going to miss you. Very much. You are after all the only fox that is willing to take me in after my parents passed away and the only one who can put up with my fart."

"That's all?"

Leif paused, "I'll see you soon."

All left was the packing sound. Edmund's feet dragged him back to the bed. He looked at Natasha's face. Spy? She looked innocent. Pure even. How could one so frail and tender be a spy?

Slowly, her eyes were open. Edmund smiled slightly at her, it took her a moment to smile back.

"Welcome back," Edmund mumbled.

"What have I missed?"

"Sire," came Mary's voice at his back, "I will leave now. Please take care of-"

"Mary!"

"-of my silly fox. He's an idiot most of the time, though he tries to pretend he is brave."

"I give you my word, my lady," Edmund bowed.

Mary looked at him for a moment before opening the door and hopped out, disappeared in the dark cave.

"We have to move now," Leif said, "anywhere you want to go?"

"I'll explain to you later," Edmund noticed Natasha's confused face, "do you know about the prophecy? The new prophecy."

"I don't," the fox mused, "but some mermaids in Iris Lake knows, they know everything."

"Aren't it supposed to be frozen by now?" Natasha voiced out Edmund's doubt.

Edmund had never visited the Iris Lake, the siblings were planning to visit there after catching the White Stag. But they, somehow returned to their world.

"The mermaids, and merpeople, are protecting it with their magic," Leif explained, "the White Witch does not wish to offend them."

"Where is it?"

"Two days of walking will reach there," Leif replied, "shall I pack now?"

Edmund nodded.

Natasha tried to sit up, Edmund helped her to get a cup of water.

"Are you okay?" Edmund whispered.

"Yeah, I want to hear about the prophecy too," her voice was weak.

"But-"

"I can make it, Ed, trust me."

Edmund looked at Natasha, her blazing blue eyes told him that she could. Shaking his head, well, the Just was defeated by this one frail girl.

**Please Review **


	9. Chapter 9

Guilt in Life

Chapter Nine

"Let me be your company," came Leif voice waking Edmund from his ocean of thoughts with a start.

In the ghastly moonlight, Leif looked like a wolf.

Everything felt just the same. The only difference, maybe,was he was doing what Peter had done before. Escaping from the White Witch. Running away.

The Just king smiled briefly at Leif, thanking him silently.

"You should go back to sleep though," Edmund said, "You've done lots of walking."

Leif curled to a ball, resting next to him as Edmund leaned his back on the tree trunk, "So have you."

"I'm used to it," Edmund said, noticing night was colder than day here. He was glad Leif found him some warmth-keeping Narnian clothes.

They were silent for a moment, and Leif sighed.

"If we can make it out alive," Leif mused, "I'm going to ask Mary to marry me."

Edmund chuckled, "I thought you were married."

"I've been fancying her for my entire life," Leif replied, "she's just amazing. A bit annoying sometimes, but I can put up with that. Never once that I told her, now I'm regretting. No offence though, sire, I do not doubt your leadership."

"I'm sorry," Edmund exhaled deeply, tightening his arm around Natasha's waist, a strand of her burnett hair was flying as she breathed. Edmund smiled before tugging it to the back of her ear. He didn't know what came over him, but it was so easy to smile when he was with Nathasha.

"Don't be," Leif said, "You didn't mean to get the army here. We have to be careful about our next step though."

Edmund and Natasha had been walking for one whole day and by evening, Leif suggested to rest. They built a fire. Natasha was waking Edmund for the second watch when they heard howling of wolves.

Leif was afraid if it was the White Witch's army and they were racing in the balding trees in the dark until they couldn't hear any howling again. They had some toasts for dinner and Edmund forced Natasha to get some sleep.

"What do you reckon the prophecy is about?" Edmund asked, staring into the dark woods.

"I don't know," Leif answered, "it has something to do with the old Kings and Queens though."

"Natasha reckons it has something to do with me," Edmund remembered. He noticed Leif's was tense whenever he spoke of Natasha.

He hadn't asked him anything about her. Natasha was a spy? It was something Edmund would never believe. This girl was chaste, beautiful and strong. She couldn't possibly be the spy of the White—of anyone.

Edmund didn't ask either Natasha or Leif, maybe it was just that he didn't want to know about her past or her other ability. Just Natasha.

He mentally had decided. He wasn't going to care about who or what she was. She was just her, the Natasha sleeping against him.

"I wonder if Mary is still safe," Leif mumbled.

"No one is dying because of me," Edmund promised, "not any more."

The moon was pure in the sky, slowly taken over by thick clouds. Edmund and Leif were quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Soon, dawn approached. Edmund woke Natasha unwillingly and they started pacing in the woods again.

"You should have waken me last night," Natasha complained, hitting his arm, "now you are all tired and sleepy."

"I'm not tired," Edmund assured her, "okay, I'll let you guard tonight."

"You said so before the wolves started howling," Natasha glared as walking, "but you were looking at me, watching me like I was some kind of weak rabbit who couldn't fight! I saw that!"

"Well I've not seen you fight before, so I can't judge," Edmund smiled, "don't be grumpy. Did I mention you talked when you were sleeping just now?"

Natasha's face flushed red and looked away, muttering something. It was a sweet scene in Edmund's opinion, but Leif was not pleased, hopping ahead of them.

"What did I say?" she said in the quietest voice.

"Something like I am sorry," Edmund frowned, "what were you sorry for?"

"Nothing," She replied in a cold tone.

"Tell me. I'm your King," Edmund said, hand finding hers.

Edmund thought he heard Leif said something like "...her victims..." He ignored it though.

"Come on Nat," Edmund urged, "I'm curious."

"Curiosity kills cat," she muttered, tried to pull her hand away from Edmund's, but he gripped her hard.

"I'm a king, not a kitty," Edmund replied.

"Stop acting like one then," Natasha snapped, walking ahead.

Edmund didn't ask then.

It was silent between them. Natasha thought she made Edmund mad and was stealing glances at him as walking. Edmund mostly just goggled at her. The silence was uncomfortable, killing Edmund even.

He couldn't bear it, yet, his pride of the Just forbade him to start conversation with Nat again.

They stopped again for lunch. Lunch was awkward. Natasha muttered a silent thanks to Edmund as he past her the dry bread. When his fingertips brushed hers, Edmund had an urge to sweep her in his arms and not to "fight" again.

"We'll be there by twilight," Leif informed them, glancing at the woods behind them.

"How do the mermaids know about the prophecy?" Edmund asked Leif.

"A branch of the Old Tree was cut and was buried in the bottom of the lake. It survived and shares the prophecy with the merpeople," Leif replied.

Ice was like crystal in the afternoon, sparkling, causing light on the snowy ground. Edmund wondered how long would it take to make them melt.

By late afternoon, the sky was dark. They, somehow, could never see the sun here. As Edmund paced up to Natasha, he knew he, and his pride, were defeated once again by this girl.

Edmund grabbed Natasha's small hand, she didn't protest.

"Can we start talking again?" she mumbled, staring at her toes.

"Of course," he wrapped his arm around her. It had only been a few hours and he was already missing her.

It was funny how much this tender girl could affect him.

"If you don't want to tell me," Edmund paused, "it's fine. I'm not pushy."

Natasha looked at him, her eyes gleamed into his with uncertainty. He wondered if she was hiding things from him, but this thought became silly, stupid even, as Natasha hugged him, breathing in the crook of his neck. Aslan knows how much he missed this.

They broke apart as Leif cleared his throat.

"We're here," he announced, "sire, do you notice someone is tailing us all along?"

Edmund spent his afternoon wondering about Natasha and carelessly failed to notice this. He looked around, nodded. Someone, a lot of people actually, were pacing nearby. He could hear that.

But none was as loud as the splashing of water in front of them as Leif threw a pebble into the lake and hopped back.

They had arrived the Iris Lake.

It was magnificent to see a huge lake, marine blue, placing in the middle of the forest with trees surrounding. In addition, the trees were iced and snowed but the lake was peace and calm. It looked warm even. With floating liquid—water.

"How do we talk to them?" Edmund asked.

"They are not exactly," Leif paused, "nice."

"Rubbish, they are very nice," he snorted, remembering the thousand times that he swam with them near Cair Paravel, "or at least they were."

"Lake mermaids are different," Natasha said, "and 1300 years passed, you have to expect some changes."

"Like what?" Edmund frowned.

"Like they eat people now," Leif told him.

Edmund was going to speak when the rumbling in water stopped him, he looked at the lake carefully, noticed Natasha had her sword out. Edmund knew he should do the same.

Bubbles were hissing in the water, it was like a giant pot on fire, boiling, fizzing. Natasha was breathing heavily, Leif looked sternly. Edmund heard the pacing in the woods slowed down.

Slowly, a snail like head came emerging out of the water. Its greenish, slug-like skin was bared, arms were short and only had three fingers. Their huge maroon eyes scanned around, sending chills to Edmund. His long teeth, fangs, were like daggers in black, sharp and long. He was wearing what seemed to be a cloak around his body.

One more head popped out from the water, and another, and another. A second later, hundreds of maroons eyes stared at Edmund.

And they were not exactly friendly.

_**Please Review**_


	10. Chapter 10

Guilt in Life

Chapter Ten

"Do they speak English?" Edmund whispered to Natasha, wondering how much he had missed during this 1300 years.

"I think so," she whispered back. A mermaid, or whatever he was called, took out a short knife from nowhere, glaring at him.

"I am no threat to you," Edmund said loudly, shoving Natasha to his back.

"We shall see," the mermaid with fish skeleton necklace said with troll-accent. Edmund supposed he was the leader, he cleared his throat.

"I am you King, King Edmund the Just, I am hereby-"

The merpeopled laughed and sneered, their cold, high pitched laughter paralysed the silent.

"King Edmund," the lead jeered, "the TRAITOR."

Edmund's body was tense, he grabbed Yule harder and blinked, tried to hide his anger, and shame. Natasha grabbed his free hand, forcing him to look at her.

"Ignore them, Ed," her eyes locked at his, "you are not a-"

"I know what I am," Edmund said, he smiled faintly at Natasha's frowning, worried face. Edmund decided he liked it better when she smiled.

"I desire the knowledge of one prophecy that you and your people may know," Edmund continued.

"I do not speak of that prophecy!"

Leif glanced at Edmund, mouthing, "they know."

"As your king-"

"We only obey to the true King of Narnia, and that's Aslan," The leader shouted, raising his small knife and cheered, his people followed him.

"Aslan named Edmund king," Natasha clarified, "so he is the righteous king of Narnia."

Edmund noticed the male merpeople were eyeing at Natasha with their ugly eyes lustfully. An unknown animosity rose in him with no reason. Or maybe he was too blind to see the reasons.

"What is the prophecy about? Answer me in Aslan's name," Edmund said kingly, eyes scanning at those sluggish creatures.

"I shall," the leader paused, exchanged a look with the merpeople near him, "I shall tell you the prophecy. On one condition."

"What do you want?" Leif asked, Edmund stared at him, not having a good feeling about it.

"I tell you about the prophecy while that girl stays," he offered.

"No way," Edmund objected immediately, dragging Natasha to his back protectively, "She's with us."

"I'm just doing what's the best for you," the leader said, "I want her to stay here."

"And. I. Reject," Edmund spat slowly in an absolutely deadly voice, eyes burning at the merpeople's avarice.

"Tell us the prophecy, fouls!" Leif snarled.

"I want the girl," the leader repeated quixotically.

"I'll stay," Natasha burst out, walking towards the lake, "give us the prophecy now."

"No you will not," Edmund said, hating her temerity and grabbed her hand.

"You need to know this and help Narnia," Natasha shook her head sadly, sighed, "Narnia needs you."

"I don't want the prophecy then," Edmund breathed.

Edmund didn't want to know anything, or be anyone, King or the Just, without her. It had only been days, but he knew, as much as he didn't want to admit, Edmund knew he needed her. It was not only about the affinity or affection, he just needed Natasha. Desperately. Hungrily. Solicitously. He was not giving up the only person who made him open up himself, who sort of took away his guilt and shame.

"Back away Edumd," she pointed her sword at him, Edmund thought he saw water sparkled in her eyes.

What was this silly girl thinking?

"Nat..."

"Tell us the prophecy now," Natasha's sword was still pointing at Edmund.

"Very well, girl," the leader nodded, "_the Son of Adam with a haunting past will raise high and fall deep. He will learn from his mistake and finish the White Witch once and for all, it is his destiny to meet his ultimate affliction. He may die, or may restore peace to Narnia once again._"

Edmund petrified, staring at them, unable to move with words echoing in his brain. He was the one the prophecy mentioned. It was his fate to kill the White Witch, but how on earth he was going to do it? His failure? Well, wasn't his entire kingship was a failure already?

His ultimate affliction. What was that? Was he going to be stabbed by the Witch again, or the Witch taking away people he loved?

His mind jumped to his siblings at once, but they had got Peter. A pulchritude figure came to his mind with messy burnett hair and piercing blue eyes.

Edmund glanced at Natasha, she was, like him, wonder-struck, blinking confusedly at him and at the merpeople. Her sword was lowered. The head of the merpeople smiled, eyes gleaming on Natasha.

"So?" he sneered, his army laughed.

"Come on Nat," Edmund reached out to hold her hand.

"A King should keep his words," the leader roared, water was splashing, rumbling.

"Well," Edmund glanced at the woods, noticing the pacing of their followers sped up, "you said it yourself that I am a traitor. As a matter of fact, traitors always make promises and are exceptionally good at breaking them. I suppose I inherited this. "

"This girl will STAY!" More and more rumbling in the water was heard and Edmund knew they should leave now. He turned, grabbing Natasha's hand and was ready to race out of the woods with a nod from Leif.

But someone, animals actually, and armed griffins, and fauns, and bear with white fur, and wolves with pearly fangs out , were blocking their way. Well, like the merpeople, their gaze were not exactly friendly either.

The rumbling of water never stopped, and the annoying screaming protest of merpeople were heard from the lake. A wolf that remained Edmund of the evil wolf Peter killed, jumped out from the crowd, standing right in front of him, breathing heavily.

"Ah-huh," came Leif's voice.

Right. Perfect.

Edmund was now trapped between some psycho, ugly mermaids from a lake, shouting something about releasing "the greatest fear", he couldn't hear properly as his heart was beating so fast and loud that Edmund thought it was going to pop of out his chest, while some army of the White Witch, perfectly armed, were blocking their only way of escaping.

The silvery wolf was glaring, making a sound that resembled a greatly annoyed Aslan.

Edmund's sword was pointing directly at the huge wolf, but it showed no sign of fear as its coal eyes glared back, making a louder noise.

It hopped—Edmund dragged Natasha and dived, waiting for the sharp pain of the wolf's long nails or sharp fangs sank into his body, or the heartbreaking scream from Natasha, or the panting of Leif.

None of these came.

"Charge!"

The Witch's army, or Narnia, roared, raising their weapons and charged, not at them, but something in the edge of the lake.

Rolling over from the snow, Edmund saw a huge, crocodile-like large lizard crawled out from the water while the merpeople were watching on the other side of the lake.

The "greatest fear" was majestic with horns coming out from all parts of its body with stone like scales. The giant wolf hopped and bit the monster's noise, it was swung to the water with a casual shake of the lake lizard while others were, holding weapons, doing as much damage to the monster as possible.

Edmund saw some merpeople were swimming towards the unconscious wolf with sharp small knifes.

"Stay here," He said to Natasha and dived into the water.

Icy water stabbed into every part of his body, somehow burning his every inch of his skin. He was not a good swimmer, but he put his arm around the wolf, kicking the water. It was heavy as water weighted its thick fur, and Edmund pulled him to the shore.

Edmund felt someone grabbed his ankled, he kicked and yanked, and kicked again with all his might.

"Let—go!"

Cold water flooded into his mouth, Edmund tried to swim, but his ankled was grabbed tightly.

He faintly saw Natasha took out a dagger, eyes narrowed as aiming. The next second: his ankle was free and she was helping him up from the water.

Gales came past, Edmund's limbs were frozen, yet, the roaring and inhuman shrieking was heard nearby. With body shaking, he grabbed Yule.

"Take care of the wolf," Edmund said to Natasha, "and don't go anywhere near the water."

Edmund saw the sea monster was hurt, purple blood was flushing out from his mouth, it roared, scarred, deafening the Narnians. Edmund hurried forward and stabbed its golden eyes, ignoring the shivering of his torso.

The monster crawled back to the lake and mermaids were nowhere to be seen.

There were cheering and roaring, Edmund smiled slightly as cold wind cut into his body.

"Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed," Natasha wrapped her arms around him, muttering in a effulgent voice, "We won!"

Edmund chuckled, "we did."

"You're shaking!" Natasha kissed both sides of his cheek, Edmund's nose was red, still, he smiled as his cheeks burnt.

Edmund's hands coiled around Natasha's body, pulling her close against him, he grinned. Chills and coldness didn't matter for a moment. He leaned in and kissed her.

Natasha, of course, kissed back, which made Edmund's heart ached.

When they broke apart, Edmund found everyone, the wolves, the fauns, the griffins and dwarves around them were cheering, clapping, wolf-whistling delightedly, even Leif wasn't giving him nasty looks.

Cloak and warming materials came later than ever, but as Edmund, wet and soaked by icy water, glanced at Natasha's rosy face and shy smile, and remembered how her lips brushed his, well, if you must know, it was warmer than any clothes or cloak or sweater, or jacket, or any warmer in the world.

**_Please Review _**


	11. Chapter 11

Guilt in Life

Chapter Eleven

"Can we stop and make a fire now? Edmund is _shaking_!" came Natasha's concerned voice.

"My lord," a faun nearby with grey horns bowed at Edmund, "we have to keep going until we get out of these woods." He glanced around uneasily.

"I understand," Edmund said knowingly, ignoring the weird feeling of the world spinning around him. He cursed himself for catching a cold so easily.

"But-" Natasha was frowning, hand never left Edmund's.

"Nat," Edmund mumbled, sickening, "I can make it to the Flatteren Woods."

"Edmund Pevensie, you'd better let me take a look at you before continue walking. I don't care how urgent it is to get to those centaurs or-" Natasha was raged, face was red—with anger or just simply blushing, Edmund couldn't tell.

"Or the simple fact that I am your king and I shouldn't be listening to you?"

Natasha was breathing heavily, glaring at him. Edmund smirked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. A b lack-bearded dwarf looked at them curiously as they stopped.

"We'll be coming soon," he muttered to the dwarf.

It was funny how there were only the two of them, Natasha and Edmund, and Leif walked this path to reach the Iris Lake yesterday, and now, they were surrounded by an army of a Narnians.

Griffins were soaring in the sky, spotting strange looking Narnias or Telmarines while keeping an eye on the Witch's army as wolves and bears were trooping in the front, followed by the dwarves and the Just King. Fauns and others were at the back.

The Narnians were, in fact, native of these woods. They were preparing to declare their side when Edmund arrived. Edmund didn't know much since the leader of this party, Claus, the fainted wolf, still passed out.

Leif guaranteed that they could trust them though, he knew Claus. They spent the night away from the lake and communicated. Tried anyway. The Narnians did believe the fact that Edmund was the Just, but there was still something, some barriers Edmund supposed, that stopped them from trusting him whole-heartedly.

"Edmund." Her deadly voice told him that she was very, indeed, serious.

Edmund looked at her scowling face with hands on her hips that reminded him of the old housekeeper of Professor Kirke, knowing she was mad at him. Very mad.

"What?" his expression softened, finding it hilarious to see her being angry.

She didn't speak, nor she looked at him.

"Okay fine," he surrendered, holding her hands, "check whatever you want. We have to go the woods as soon as possible."

Leif believed some centaurs were living in the edge of the woods. They, like the Narnians with Edmund now, had not declared side yet. Edmund was confident that they would stay true to the Kings and Queens of old. All they needed was a call, an official call from him.

Natasha put her hand over Edmund's forehead, scowling. Sickness wasn't Edmund's main problem at the moment, yet, he would let Natasha do whatever she wanted with him.

It was just one of the many amazing, and worst things about her, that Natasha could always defeat Edmund.

"You're having a fever," Natasha concluded.

"I thought that's obvious enough for everyone to see," Edmund rolled his eyes.

"And," she paused, "you need rest."

"As soon as we-"

"Not that theory again, my lord," she groaned, "Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, please_ rest._"

"Nat-"

"Sorry that I am disturbing you," came a voice, they noticed Leif was glaring at them from the ground, the army was nowhere to be seen nearby.

"Right," Edmund pulled himself back together.

"We found an empty cave ahead," he replied in a tone of disgust, "you may rest there my lord, just as Natasha wants."

Edmund nodded.

"And Claus is woken," Leif said, turned and hopped ahead of them.

"I'm going to ask Claus about—" Edmund said to Natasha, punched his chest with her fists with each word spitting out,

"Will—You—Rest—King—Ed—Edmund?"

Edmund held her wrists at last, eyes were heavier than ever, he smiled though. Edmund leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. She didn't protest,

"I'll rest."

Edmund was glad that the cave was big enough for a party of thirty people, and animals. Several fires were built as people snuggled to each other, grabbing as much rest as possible since they had been doing a day of walking. Some people volunteered to fetch for food.

When Edmund was ruling as the Just, wherever he went, he felt like home. Now, nobody seemed to want to talk to him. Maybe they were letting him to rest, or maybe they just generally disliked him. Well, it was a common knowledge that most Narnians were fond of the High King among all. Right. St Peter.

Natasha and Edmund owned a corner to themselves, they didn't speak as Natasha made him some tea with herbs that were believed to heal fever. Edmund looked around in the cave that lit by flaming fire.

Claus was sitting in the other side of the cave, talking to everyone and everyone smiled at him. He rubbed his paw at a bear's head brotherly. Edmund just stared.

"What are you thinking? Still mad at me that I force to rest and forbid you speak to anyone?" Natasha asked cautiously as stirring the pot, "well, I just don't the fever to spread."

Edmund looked at her, "why did you kiss me just now then?"

She gulped, fire glowed on her face. None was as attractive as the pink colour on her cheeks.

"I get it," Edmund said smugly, "you just can't help it, can't resist my charm."

"It's not like that," She muttered, Edmund noticed water was boiling.

Edmund chuckled, leaning on the wall and tried not to look as Claus patrolled the fauns, asking about their day.

"Tell me what you're really thinking, no faking jokes I mean," Natasha sighed, facing him, "You're upset ,Ed."

Edmund raised his eyebrow, remembering Natasha knew everything about him.

He shrugged.

With a final stir of the herbs, Natasha sat back with him, head leaning on his shoulder.

"Am I supposed to drink that? It doesn't smell good," Edmund commented, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Let it cool down first," she mumbled in his chest, "Ed, don't feel bad about anything. You saved us just now, stabbing the monster's eye."

"Everyone could do that," Edmund snapped, "I mean," he sighed, looking at Claus who was nodding to some dwarves as they were sharpening their swords, "I wish I could be more like him, or Peter, or Aslan."

"You know what's stopping you?" Natasha asked.

"You're going to say my guilt again, right?" Edmund lay his chin on the top of her hair, feeling her body moving up and down as breathing.

"So you do know it," Natasha nodded, "you should let it go."

"Can't anyone see that I'm trying?" He snapped, fighting to keep his voice down so his frustration was only heard by Natasha.

"I can," Natasha replied, "you're just not trying hard enough."

Edmund shook his head, "my own people don't trust me."

"Centuries ago, they did," Natasha said with her thinking face, "but years passed as Telmarines ruling. They were desperate and they wanted, desired to blame something. You, unfortunately, became their victims."

"How do you know? Wait, you read," Edmund sighed, "there's nothing I can do now."

"You can be the good king again, talk to Claus and let him assist you," Natasha suggested.

"Some people are born to be a leader," Edmund said, "like Peter, Aslan," he paused, "Claus."

Natasha sighed loudly, "I wish you could see what I see now. You saved me, Ed, from those merpeople with your wit. That's you, stop trying to be someone else! You led Narnia bravely, remember how you stopped the White Witch from tempting King Caspian and the High King? Even the Magnificent was tempted but you! You are stronger then you know."

"I just feel," Edmund buried his head in the crook of Natasha's neck, taking in her feminine scent and wished he could stay like this forever, "weighted with the prophecy. How am I suppose to lead my people while nobody trusts me?"

"I trust you," Natasha kissed his hair, "and Leif trusts you."

Edmund looked at her, noticing her eyes were, like before, blazing hopefully, "maybe you're trusting the wrong person."

Natasha shoved him away gently as pouring the tea to a bowl, he thought he heard her mutter something like "...that's exactly what you're doing..."

"Nat?"

"Drink this," she thrust the hot bowl to his hands.

Edmund boozed the whole bowl, feeling hotness and bitterness burn in his mouth, leading straight down right to his throat and stomach.

"It'll take a while before it works," Natasha replied to his solemn expression.

"Nat," he called her name again, "Speaking of what happened in the lake, don't ever do that again."

"Never," Natasha said swift, "I'm not blinded by your charm yet and I can perfectly define what is important, which is you, and what is not."

"You," he grabbed her hand, "are important to me more than you know."

"Maybe," Natasha said, glancing around and he noticed Claus was nearby, she mouthed, "talk to him."

Claus, the huge silver wolf, stood in front of Edmund, he howled so the entire room looked at Edmund. Natasha backed away.

"Long live the King," Claus roared, "the Just. My saviour."

For a moment before Claus said that, Edmund thought he hated him.

There were cheering among the people, but Edmund could hear the unwillingness in their voice.

Claus turned to his people, "I know you do not trust him. But he is the Just, one of the four Kings and Queens of Old Narnia, and he is the one mentioned in the prophecy, the one who is bringing peace to us again. Therefore, "Claus's eyes scanned around, "if you doubt him, you doubt me."

Warmth filled Edmund's heart which had nothing to do with the herbs, he stood up weakly as the tea started to function, "I was a traitor, I betrayed Narnia. I ask your forgiveness and I promise that it will never happen again. Not ever. I vow to protect you, consider everyone here as my warrior, my company, my dear friends. My brothers."

"Long live the King," roared Claus, followed by many loud cheering. Edmund could see both Natasha and Leif joined them.

This time, Edmund heard the sincere in their cheering, and his own promise.

**_ Please Review, tell me what you think of Natasha and Edmund? _**


	12. Chapter 12

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twelve

The first thing Edmund saw when he woke was Natasha's head on his shoulder, eyes were closing. The next thing he noticed was night had fallen outside the cave.

Edmund was feeling way better like he hadn't been sick before. Sleepiness of the herb was definitely on its way wearing off. He strengthened his sitting position.

"...I'm sorry...I can't do it..." Natasha mumbled, Edmund stroked her frowning face, desiring to know what she was dreaming, or she was haunted about, "Ed...Ed..."

"I'm here," Edmund muttered and tightened his arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

"...I didn't mean that..." she was having serious problem of sleep talking, Edmund wondered if he should talk to Natasha about it. She was scowling madly.

"Doesn't matter, I can put up with anything about you" Edmund said to her, hoping to comfort her in her nightmare or whatever she was dreaming about. As though she had heard him, Natasha wrapped her arms around Edmund like a spider monkey and buried her head in the crook of his neck.

It was quiet, almost silence here in the cave apart from the snoring noise from his army. Leif curled as a reddish ball and slept peacefully near him. Everyone was asleep. Well, almost everyone.

Claus was standing on the edge of the cave, his silver fur shone in the dark. His expression was serious, or maybe that was just how he looked, serious, stern, leader-like. For a moment, Edmund thought he saw a gleam of sadness in his firm figure.

He glanced around and noticed Edmund was looking. Edmund smiled slightly as Claus nodded. He slowly made his way to him, carefully not to step on anyone's tail, or horn, or weapon.

"My lord," he rumbled quietly.

"Call me Edmund," Edmund sighed, "I don't even know if I should be called as a lord."

"Why so grim, Edmund the Just? You are doubting yourself," Claus crouched down next to him, Edmund noticed his eyes were in yellow.

"Is it that obvious to everyone? I mean, like everyone, you, Nat and Leif can see that,"Edmund said, leaning his head on the hard wall.

"And your people," Claus added helpfully, "all these years, the wolves bear a guilt."

Edmund looked at him, scowling.

"You are not the only one, Edmund," Claus said and sighed, "My great-great-great grand was killed by the High King. We used to serve the Witch. Even many years passed, it's not something we can deny or start everything over again."

Edmund nodded, "It sucks to be me though. I just wish I am more like you, a leader."

"You are born to be a leader," Claus, like everyone else, tried to convince him, "and you will be a great one. These people are my brothers and sisters, they watch me grow up, trust me as they trust you. It needs time. You and Lady Natasha built your relationship with time too, I suppose?"

"I'm not ready for this whole leader, prophecy thing."

"When fate comes, it doesn't ask for permission or wait for anyone to get ready. When it comes, you will find a way to accept it," Claus said, "your people love you and they have already forgiven you."

"I tried to believe that," Edmund said, "thanks for siding me."

"I've been following you and Leif for days," Claus explained, "we were waiting for you to get your confident back."

"Does it come back then?" Edmund looked at the wolf.

"What do you think?"

"I feel confident, warm when I'm with her," Edmund glanced at the girl in his arms, "Just...me. Don't tell her this though."

"She is the key to lock of your hear then," Claus smiled, "let her get into your heart, and experience the change. For her and yourself."

"It may be a bit too soon for me to say this," Edmund sighed, "but I think I love her."

"Are you going to let her take away your guilt?" Claus, "or you just want to bury it in yourself and lose the kingly Edmund forever?"

Edmund kissed the top of the Natasha's head, he knew the answer.

This silly girl had already taken away his guilt.

"How are you doing?" Edmund approached to an brownish griffin as she tried to put some herbs on her injured wing. Everyone was packing and Edmund seemed to be the Just King again. The true Just King that he had been missing for a very long time. He felt...strong among his people.

"I'm fine, my lord," she replied, "I've heard so much about you from my father."

"Your father?"

"He carried you during the attack of the castle three years ago," the griffin bowed.

"Call me Edmund and treat me like a friend, please," Edmund said, "let me help you with the herbs."

Edmund took the muggy herbs and carefully put it on her wing, she winced.

"What's your name?" Edmund asked.

"Salina," she replied, "I will follow you, Edmund, until you don't want me."

"Thank you Salina," he said sincerely, "Do you think the centaurs will help us?"

"They will until they last breath," Salina replied, "but then you have to decide to go to the High King or the Telmarine King."

"Where do you want to go then?" Edmund asked, mopping the herbs on his palm to a sheet.

"Back to the Western Woods to my father's of course," Salina said, "But I shall-"

"Follow me, I know," Edmund looked around, "Who made you the herbs, and for everyone who is injured?"

"Lady Natasha did," Edmund saw Natasha was cleaning a dwarf's wound from the lake monster's attack. She saw his stare and beamed.

Edmund smiled back, Salina gave him a gentle tug at his back, winking at him.

"Yeah, I know I'm lucky," Edmund smirked smugly.

And so, the Just King's pack of Narnians made their way towards the Flatteren Woods.

Edmund was busy talking to everyone. He had the impression that Claus, who winked at him in the front, had done something to make others talk to him again. They talked about everything that happened in Narnia, even their basic needs.

Edmund knew about how the dwarves were threatened by the Witch and the bear was enjoying winter but pleading for the arrival of spring Edmund understood his people's zeal and endless forgiveness towards him and was happily, and guiltlessly, friendly again.

They were absolutely secure since thirty pairs of eyes were scanning in the woods and sky. It obvious to Edmund that the Witch knew about this small army, but, maybe it was because the prophecy, she dared not to do anything.

Leif was cheering all the way as they walked in the woods. He was in such a good mood that he was telling everyone who was willing to listen, a lot of people actually, that he was going to marry Mary when spring came again.

Natasha was beaming and smiling, though Edmund thought he saw unwillingness in her blue eyes. By late afternoon, everyone was tired. They pace slowed down, like they were just wandering in the woods.

"We will hopefully reach the bears' old home, a cave, and we can spend the night there," Claus addressed him, "are you tired, Edmund?"

"We can keep going until night falls," Edmund said. He glanced back and saw Natasha walking slowly. He retreated to the back of the group and slid his hand on her waist as her head leaned on his shoulder.

"You're tired," he stated gently, kissing the top of her head.

"A bit," she replied shortly, "Am I correct that I see some changes in the Just King?"

"Well," Edmund smiled, "someone did say she could put up with the guilt-free Edmund, and here he is."

"Who is that foolish person may I ask?" She rolled her eyes.

"Someone with tangled brown hair and wicked cracking eyes," Edmund's grin tattooed across his face and Natasha hit his arm, scowling.

"Am I really that ugly?" Edmund regretted saying that the moment he heard the sadness in her voice, "I know, I know, I'm not as pretty as those princesses that you encountered in the Golden Age, nor I am as elegant as the Gentle Queen." she sighed.

"Yeah, and sleep talking, a bit annoying, slightly irritating," Edmund added helpfully.

Natasha glared at him, "right."

"But, that person, that very person who can put up with the guilt-free and guilty Edmund, happens to be the most beautiful and the bravest, gentlest girl that I've ever met," Edmund sighed loudly, "I afraid I will never, ever let her go."

"Sucks to be her," Natasha nodded her head knowingly.

Edmund chuckled and leaned in, kissed her nose.

When he pulled back, her face was red and buried her head on his shoulder, trying to hide the fact that she was blushing.

"Why were you staring at me this morning with Salina?" she mumbled in his shoulder.

"Is it my fault that my girl is exceptionally gorgeous and I couldn't help stare at her?"

Edmund heard her giggle, found it the most attractive sound in the world.

"I couldn't help it," Edmund mumbled,"you took away something from me."

"What is it?" Natasha looked at him seriously.

"My guilt in the past," Edmund whispered slowly, staring into her marine eyes, it was like watching the enchanting, starry night sky, or like watching the sunrise from the sea on the beach, "and you took my heart away. Don't ever give it back, Nat, keep it, save it, take it with you wherever you go."

The kiss, and smile Edmund expected came later then necessary.

**_Please Review._**


	13. Chapter 13

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirteen

It was crowded in the bears' cave house, but at least a bed was offered to Natasha. She was making some delicious soap, Edmund watched her work in the kitchen after a brief meeting with everyone. People were tired outside, chatting irksomely, and they arranged the night watch. Edmund and a faun, Kikin, were taking the first watch.

"Carrot?"

"I don't like carrots," Edmund said, popping his head on his hand in the tiny kitchen table.

"Carrot is healthy, bad boy," Natasha scowled, remaining Edmund of his mother.

"I'll eat one if you feed me," Edmund smiled.

Natasha snorted and forked a piece of small carrot, put it in his mouth.

"Very good, the carrot I mean," Edmund complimented.

"Help me with the soup?" Natasha asked hopefully.

"Why not?"

Dinner was amazing, both the food and the mood. People were planning how to attack the Witch's castle excitedly with mouthful of soup and endless compliment on Natasha's cooking. An unknown pride boosted in Edmund as eating.

"Are you sure you don't want a bed time story?" Edmund asked after dinner. The bear found a bed for Natasha. Edmund pulled the thin blanket over her shoulders.

Natasha shook her head, "let me watch with you," she repeated for the third time.

"I said no," Edmund urged gently, "Sleep, it's an order."

"Are you going to boss around me now?"

"Kind of," Edmund nodded, "Close your eyes."

She closed her eyes unwillingly, "you'd better be back soon, Pevensie boy."

Edmund chuckled, "right. See you in a bit."

The night was cool and chilly, Edmund tightened the cloak around him in the edge of the cave. He wondered what everyone was doing now.

He missed his family, he wondered if Peter would allow Lucy to fight, or if Susan was going to teach archery, or if Peter and Caspian were leading another attack...he wondered how Natasha was dreaming right now. Hushing the urge to go to the room and take a look at her, Edmund noticed Kikin was back with two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Thank Aslan the bear have these," Kikin said quietly, "toast?"

"To victory," Edmund said and there was a quiet 'cling' when their mugs met.

"There's a reason why I insisted teaming with you, sire," Kikin stared into the snowy night, "I never wanted to be the one to tell you this, but..." he trailed off.

"Do tell me." Edmund looked at him curiously.

"I don't think you should trust Natasha," he said firmly, avoiding Edmund's frowning gaze.

"Why?" Edmund wished they did not have to have this conversation. There were things that he wasn't ready, and never wanted, to know.

"She is, was I don't know, a spy," Kikin explained, "the best spy of Narnia actually. King Caspian used to order her to spy on some lords and nobles of Telmarines. He trusts us Narnians of course, but for his own kind, he still has doubt. After all, his own flesh and blood uncle tried to kill him. He just wanted to protect his own people."

"What does that have to do with Nat?"

"Natasha is trained to lie and steal secrets for others, she's advance," Kikin glanced at him uncertainly, "I don't know what side she works for. If she's with us, it'll be our advantage against the White Witch. However, if she's with the Witch, we're in our tomb then."

Edmund didn't speak. He remembered every kisses they shared, the way she frowned and the way she smiled. He...didn't doubt her...

Claus got up and took his duty to guard, Edmund's legs dragged him back to the room, found Natasha was sleeping, unlike other nights, peacefully on the bed. He sat down on the bed edge next to her, put her hair to the back and looked at her face.

So calm. So peaceful. So sincere and pure.

No, not that Edmund didn't know what to doubt, Natasha had taken away his ability to doubt, or think.

"WE HAVE TO GO BACK!" Leif shouted, battled against the icy gale as Edmund pulled his hood over his head for the fifth time. Stormy wind blew it backward though.

"Just over the road and we'll reach there!" Claus yelled in volume that Edmund could barely hear him, "we have to go on!"

Edmund nodded to Leif as they merely took a step in the ground of snow with snowy storm came slapping their face.

Natasha tripped over on the snow, Edmund quickly pulled her up, she was shaking, lips were blue, Edmund supposed his lips bore the similar colour.

"Be strong, Nat," he mumbled in her, "we'll be there soon."

She nodded weakly.

The army woke up this morning and found everything was covered in snow unnaturally. When they made their way to the Flatteren Woods, a storm came over head suddenly and bone-stabbing wind stirred in the air, sending snow everywhere.

The White Witch obviously found it entertaining as they heard the Trees' snigger. The Witch wanted to crush them through this storm.

Uneasily, they made it to the bottom of the hill, just over the path in front of them and they would reach the Woods. But each step was more difficult than the other. Claus warned them to be quiet. Edmund supposed he didn't want to be overheard by the Witch.

"Ed-" Natasha muttered.

"What is it honey?" he brushed his icy lips on her nose that shared the equal amount of coldness.

"If we can't make it out alive-"

"We will make it out alive," Edmund promised, "Hush now, I-"

A strike of green lightning shattered the sky, hitting the white hill top, and came other one, brighter, striking the snow and logically, the large amount of snow would fall down, which meant-

"Oh no," Leif said in an almost calm voice.

"AVALANCHE!"

"DIVE—Come here Leif!" Edmund shouted, he barely had time to check if everyone was all right when his natural reaction told him to wrap his arm around Natasha and Leif came curling around his stomach, they crouched.

There were howling-

"AVALANCHE!" as if it wasn't obvious enough as snow came flooding down-

"CLAUS, CLAUS, GET IN HERE." Edmund saw the hopping of the silver wolf-

"Dive-" Edmund heard Kikin's voice-

"Head down, sire," came a feminine voice and everything became dark all in a sudden. It took Edmund a moment to notice that he wasn't passing out, but a warm, firm body was wrapping around them, blocking the snow. He heard Natasha's heavy panting.

Edmund's shirt was soaked, he stayed silent for a while, trying to figure out what was going on with this unknown torso around them.

"What's happened?" Natasha's voice was trembling.

"Avalanche," Leif said obviously.

"Thanks Leif, very helpful," Edmund tried to move, but his body was locked in what seemed to be a pair of big wings.

"Edmund, you have to stop moving," came the owner of the body.

"Thanks, Salina," Edmund replied gratefully.

It was silent for a while and-

POAM.

Brightness stung Edmund's eyes as they narrowed instantly. Sunlight came gleaming in, the Witch thought they were dead, he supposed. Around him was snow. A lot of snow.

Salina came landing next to him as he pulled Natasha out from the hole of Salina's torso.  
"Claus?" Leif shouted, "Kikin?"

Nobody replied.

"CLAUS?" Edmund yelled. Hopelessness spread in him as his stomach twisted, and fear was spinning in his head.

"Where's everyone?" Fear was tattooed in Natasha's eyes too.

Salina nodded at the snow-

POAM! POAM! POAM!

The seven griffins spread their wings and there were howling and cheering from everyone. The heavy stone in Edmund's chest was lifted. Natasha went over and helped the dwarves up from the hole. Edmund saw Claus jumped up and shook away the snow on his fur.

"Is everyone all right?" Edmund shouted.

Edmund received nodding and mumbling from his people, he looked at the Claus again, who shook his head sadly. Edmund looked at the road. It barely resembled a road.

Snow, height of a grown up giant was lining on the road, blocking their path.

"What to do now?" people muttered.

"It'll take days to clear the snow up," Leif commented.

"We'll be killed by the Witch, or starve by then," Edmund replied sternly,"is there any other way?"

It was an uncomfortable silent until Salina spoke.

"Oze's Tunnel," she said.

There were gasps and "no" , "impossible".

"Am I supposed to know what that is?" Natasha asked, frowning.

"Harpies live there," Claus explained, "They are not friendly at all."

"If we are to pick between lake mermaids or harpies," Leif said, "I would definitely pick those mermaids."

"What are they?" Edmund asked.

"Woman head with huge bird's body," some dwarves replied, "and iron, metal like claws. White Witch made them to spy on us Narnians. She wants us to side with her by threatening us with harpies."

"And there are gnomes," someone added in a whimper, " a lot of gnomes."

Edmund, confused, looked at Claus. He felt everyone's gaze upon him.

"If you say we go," Salina said, "we'll go."

Edmund glanced at Natasha, who just looked.

"We'll go through the Oze's Tunnel,"Edmund declared, "I can't guarantee everyone will go home, but I will guard you with my life."

**_Please Review._**


	14. Chapter 14

Guilt in Life

Chapter Fourteen

It had been three hours since the first stone rolled down.

"I'm sorry," Natasha mumbled for the seventh time as Edmund threw his sword on the muddy ground with a "cling". He tried not to let frustration take over him.

Edmund didn't reply, he looked at the the road that was blocked by huge heavy stone. It was so dark here that he could merely make out the shape of them. He wondered how long would it take for him to lift all of them away, and he wondered how his army of Narnians managed to survive the fierce attack of harpies.

His fists slammed on the stone wall, banging it again and again, bearing a slight hope that somehow, the stones might roll down and he could fight alongside his beloved Narnians.

Edmund knew his fists were reddened, but he didn't stop until a pair of hands wrapped around his waist from the back.

"I'm sorry, Ed," Edmund heard her sob.

"Doesn't make any difference, does it?" he said motionlessly. Edmund was glad that Natasha was hugging him from the back tightly, or he probably would bang his head against the piles of stones for a way out.

The party of Narnian army was shouldering their way in the tunnel. Everything was fine, and quiet, in Edmund's lead, until Natasha tripped over something anyway. Edmund pulled her up from the floor and she found de-headed bodies of dwarves and fauns.

She screamed out of natural reaction. The harpies, with faces of the White Witch and bodies of giant eagles, roared in the tunnels. They hit the stone walls and Edmund pulled Natasha forward.

A second later, Edmund and his army was isolated by stones. A lot of stones in fact.

Edmund heard Natasha sobbing, the last thing he wanted and needed at the moment.

"I'm so-so sorry," she whimpered, "I didn't mean to have us all trapped here, Ed." Her voice was cracking.

Edmund turned to face her, couldn't see her face in the dark, but her eyes were blazing.

"It's okay," Edmund smiled slightly, "shh—don't cry, Nat, it's not your fault. They will find us anyway."

"But you should be angry with me," Natasha muttered.

"I'll be angry at you if you keep crying," Edmund said, "you want to sit down? We've nothing to do here anyway."

Edmund pulled her down to the ground, leaning his back on the stone wall and pulled Natasha' to his laps, feeling her presence in the crook of his neck.

"Do you think we'll ever see them again?" Natasha asked, she sounded like she was going to sob again.

"Yes," Edmund said, "probably in a blink and they will break down the stones and get us out of here."

"Can't you sound a bit angrier?" Edmund chuckled at her voice.

"Sorry, can't do that," he replied, felt her pecking his cheek.

"You are so stupid, Ed," Edmund thought she meant something else, "you're probably the dumbest guy I have ever met, a foolish king."

"Why?" Edmund couldn't resist a smile.

"You should be mad at me, I made you stay here," Natasha whispered.

"And I should be mad at you for a thousand other things too," Edmund added, "for taking my guilt away while you don't have to, for putting up with a stubborn moron—me, for kissing me like you love me, for making me can't stop thinking about you, for," he paused, "for taking away part of me."

"Which part?"

"The part that beats," Edmund leaned his forehead on hers, "the part that belongs to you now. Nat, I can never ever be mad at you."

"Why?" her voice was shaking.

"Because I happen to love you, deeply," Edmund admitted, "You alone, Natasha, have my heart."

"This is wrong," she pushed his chest, but her strength was nothing compare to his, "Ed, don't fall for the wrong person."

"I love you," he mumbled, frowning at her reaction, "all I want is to hear you say it back, Nat, that's all I want."

She bit her lips, breath was shaky, "Ed, I'm—I can't say—I am just a servant girl, and you are a king, the Just King."

"Does it matter?"

"It does," Natasha gulped.

"What about all those time we shared, does that mean nothing to you?" Edmund knew the answer was no, he just wanted to hear it from her.

"No, of course not," she buried her head on his shoulder, "I'm tired of it, Ed."

"Of what?" Edmund's large hand was stroking her soft hair.

"Of fighting myself about the fact that I happen to love you too," Natasha wrapped her arms around Edmund's torso, "never thought I would say it to anyone, but I love you."

A smile was tattooed on Edmund's face as he tightened his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him and closed his eyes, thanking Aslan for bringing such a girl into his life.

This pure, sincere, silly girl had become part of him now, she was the beat on his heart, the song of his life. She was the blazing sun while he was the showering rain—Edmund wondered what brought them together. Love?

Edmund chuckled, maybe.

"Why're you smiling?" Natasha whispered in his ear.

Edmund sighed, "I wish I...just know that I love you, Nat."

"There they are-" Edmund thought he was imagining voices. High-pitched voice shriek in fact.

"-That's the Just!"

"-who is she?"

"Ed?" Natasha sat up, alarmed, "did you hear-"

Edmund covered Natasha's mouth, "Quiet."

"-he looks delicious-"

"-he is a King-"

"The White Witch is the Queen now-"

"-she and she alone can be Queen-"

Edmund shot up from the ground, picking up his sword and eyes scanned around.

"Show yourself!"

"We are dark creatures-" came a grumbling voice.

"We are huge-"

"Have fangs that will tear you apart in a second," came some giggling.

"Our eyes can see in the dark—we see you, King Edmund-"

"Trade your life with the girl's, she is a trouble-"

"What's that everyone, everything, wants you?" Edmund mumbled to Natasha, who shrugged, "guess you are just too perfect."

Edmund smiled as Natasha rolled her eyes.

"-we will tear you apart-"

Natasha yanked Edmund's sleeve he looked around, gesturing at the corner of the tunnel. Edmund saw a pair of big orange eyes. He narrowed his eyes and tried to get a better focus in the dark.

That tiny thing was about his knee high with a pear like belly. It was carrying a small dagger, glaring.

"Hi little one," Natasha stepped forward friendlily, reaching out for it.

"I don't think it likes you," Edmund said, dragging her hand.

That thing hopped, Edmund couldn't see where it was but as soon as he heart Natasha's scream, he knew that thing was not only unfriendly. It was evil.

Natasha was covering her face with her hand.

"Let me see it," Edmund whispered, gently shoved her hand away.

Her left cheek was slightly slid, still bleeding.

"We'll fix this as soon as we get out of here," Edmund promised.

"What's that?"

"Bragging fouls," Edmund looked around in the dark again, "Show yourself!:

All in a sudden, there were thousand of tiny things came out from the gap of the stones, filling the ground with short, shiny daggers.

"Oh crap," Edmund mumbled.

His swept his sword at the flood, kicked away one and stormed on the other one. Natasha was doing the same. Edmund swung Yule at his ankles, sweeping away those little creatures. A sharp of pain came stabbing in his flesh, and he realised a dagger was thrust into his right feet.

He glanced around, more and more tiny things flooded in. They came from those holes and gaps on the wall, there must be something...some way...Edmund looked up, he saw a gap on the stone that rolled down. Beyond these stones was his people. All they needed was a call from that hole...

"Nat! Climb on me and reach that small hole, and shout for help."

Edmund received a nod and with a final sweep on the ground, Natasha climbed to Edmund's shoulders, reaching up the top of the stones. Edmund, on the other hand, tried to take down as many of these creatures as possible, yet avoiding moving his body as Natasha was climbing.

"What do you see?" Edmund shouted.

"Claus's over there and...oh no, those things are huge."

"Ask for help!"

"Claus! Claus! We're here!" She yelled, Edmund kicked, forcing the pain away, "Leif—Leif! Over here!"

"Natasha!" Edmund heard Salina's voice, he let his breath out.

"Help us," Natasha panted.

"I'm a bit busy at the moment-"

"NOW!" Edmund shouted from the bottom, he kicked the fat creature on his left, kicking too hard and Natasha fell. She was wincing on the floor while Edmund tried to keep those creatures away from her.

"Nat—you okay?"

She didn't reply.

"Nat!"

He was going to crouch down and check on Natasha when another sharp pain burst into his left arm. He swung that foul little thing away, hands patting Natasha's face.

"Nat? Nat? Wake up," he panted.

She didn't move, nor did she speak or open her eyes.

"Come on," he begged.

More and more tiny creatures surrounding them, more and more daggers were showed, less and less chances of them getting out.

"Get away from her!" Edmund spat and punched a foul on Natasha's body, he couldn't bear anyone, or thing, climbed to her, "Nat..."

Edmund thought he was going to end up here after his Golden Age and all those adventures, he used the last strength to keep waking Natasha.

And after three hours, the first stone of the stone wall came rolling down, followed by many other.


	15. Chapter 15

Guilt in Life

Chapter Fifteen

"Here!" Edmund shouted weakly.

He saw torchlights and more stones were lifted.

"There they are!" Salina roared.

Edmund heard footsteps and a reddish ball came crawling to him.

"Your majesty," Leif 's eyes widened, he snarled at the tiny creatures, fangs were bared, "Stay away from them!"

As the tunnel grew lighter as more people flooded in with torches. Now Edmund got a good look on those monsters. Their skin was in brown, mud-like with bald head, big belly and thin limbs. They snarled fiercely at his army, yet, Claus roared,

"For Aslan!"

"What are they?" Edmund asked Leif, who was charging at a skinny monster.

"Gnomes," Leif replied, tearing a gnome apart.

Edmund wrapped his arms around Natasha, he supposed she was only fainted from the fall. He dragged her to the corner, gritted his teeth, and ignored the pain from his wounds.

Seconds later, no gnomes or harpies were seen in the tunnel. Edmund quickly carried Natasha to Salina, placing her at her back.

"What's happened?" He asked, glancing at the empty tunnel.

"The stones rolled down from the top," Claus explained as the Narnians roared in victory, "Soon, we were surrounded by harpies. There were five of them, charging at us, and then," he gulped, "miracle happened."

"We saw Aslan," Kikin added, "it was really him, coming out from the end of the tunnel!:"

"His mane was golden and eyes were sharp," someone gasped, "magnificent!"

"He roared," Leif continued, "and we heard the Witch's scream shattered the tunnel. Soon, they were really weak, we could crash them easily. They just dissolved into green smoke."

"Aslan came to me though," Claus said, "he asked me to bring a message to you, my lord."

"Go on," Edmund looked at him.

"'Guard your heart,' he said to me," Claus said, confused, " 'You have been brave, Edmund the Just, yet this is the start of the real task.' That's all. What does that mean?"

Edmund glanced at the fainted Natasha, "I wish I knew."

When Edmund breathed in the fresh air with the scent of woods again, he knew they were out of the tunnel. Instead of being surrounded by ice, there were woods, and trees with leaves that carried the colour of spring.

"The Flatteren Woods," he sighed, noticing the sun was setting among the snowed mountains.

"Edmund," he was called, Salina was looking at him with concern, "I don't think you can, or should walk."

"I'll be fine," Edmund insisted.

"Ride on me, you can hold Natasha too," Salina suggested, "or she's going to fall down from my back."

"Go on, Ed," Leif encouraged.

With the help of the fauns, Edmund got on Salina and he lay Natasha's head on his shoulder, "Are we heavy?"

"Not a problem," Salina replied smugly and they started walking with Salina in the front, others, wounded and tired, walking side by side.

Edmund tenderly brushed his fingertips on Natasha's wound on her face, he hated the gnomes for ruining her enchanting features. He could barely feel the wounds on his body as he looked at her.

Guard his heart, how was Aslan trying to say? Like what everyone said that Natasha was a danger? He wouldn't believe it, he just couldn't.

Edmund remembered the way she hugged him from the back, and her faint smile, and her weight on his laps, and her scent, her touch—all of these just told him one thing. One very simple fact, that this girl, Natasha, loved him.

This was not a lie, nor a deception, nor an act. If Natasha was acting, Edmund had no doubt that she was the greatest actress of Narnia.

"...the best spy of Narnia..." -no way, she might be in the past. Edmund wasn't in the mood of finding out, nor he would ever want to know.

"Natasha is trained to lie..." -impossible, Edmund could feel her sincerity when she was with him. He could feel it every her touches and kisses.

"She is-"

"No," Edmund said it out loud, he decided he wasn't going to care about anything, "you're not a danger to me."

She loved him and he loved her. It was simple and it would stay simple.

"LOWER YOUR ARMS," Edmund snapped his head around.

Centaurs, a great number of centaurs, were pointing arrows at them. Claus howled, snarling.

"LOWER YOUR ARMS!" They repeated.

"I need to see your leader," Edmund declared, "I'm King Edmund. My army is injured from the harpies. We seek for help," he paused, "and peace."

"How do we know if you are the real king?" a centaur asked.

"Pick up a blade and I will show you," Edmund gnashed.

"No need my lord," came a deep voice in the deep of the woods. A centaur with grey beard came galloping out slowly, elegantly. He bowed in front of Edmund, soon, everyone followed him, "we've been waiting for a long time, my lord."

Edmund nodded, "I'm Edmund the Just, my people are hurt."

"Pleas follow me and make yourself home," he said, nodding, "I'm Galestone."

Edmund followed him heading into the unfamiliar woods. Soon,they could see huts and caves, woman and children.

"That's the Just!" came a childish voice, Edmund glanced around and saw a young centaur beaming at him, he smiled back slightly.

As they walked, centaurs lined up, holding their swords high. Edmund got down from Salina with Natasha's head still on his shoulder, he strode across the field of green leaves kingly, hand still holding her waist. The pain from his wounds made his wince.

"Centaurs," Galestone declared, followed up by silence, "This is King Edmund, the Just."

Everyone bowed and shouted, "long live the King."

Edmund beamed and nodded, "I seek for alliance against the White Witch, but we shall talk about that later. Please, help my beloved Narnians, they have been wounded."

Soon, the army of Narnian were moved to different healing camp, Salina was talking excitedly with the woman centaurs while a young centaur was tickling Leif's belly.

"Natasha is fainted," Edmund said to someone with a stern face nearby, "can you heal her?"

"I will be honoured," he said swiftly, carefully, took Natasha in his arms.

"You seem wounded too, Sire," Galestone pointed out, "My camp, please."

Edmund settled in a high-ceiling hut in the centre of the woods. Galestone came back with a jar of medicine in green. He lit the candles and Edmund started plastering it on his wounds. Instantly, it was like someone put cold water on them. Edmund felt Galestone's gaze on him and he started telling him everything from Natasha coming to his world.

"Forgive me my lord, but I have questions," Galestone frowned.

"Shoot."

"I do not understand why the magic horn would bring Lady Natasha to your world," he asked.

"Neither do I," Edmund sighed, "we don't really know about the old magic anyway. I'm glad it did though."

"Where did she get the horn?" Galestone's eyes were sharp.

"I don't know," Edmund said, "Please, I guarantee with my life. Natasha is on our side, she's been with me with a long time and we've been through a lot. She's nice and gentle and just amazing."

"Lady Natasha seems to be someone important to you," he commented.

Edmund didn't fight when the natural smile came to his lips, "she is."

"I've been watching the stars," Galestone changed the subject, "I've foreseen your coming. My people and I have been waiting. We, with an army of three thousands, will follow you and in your lead, we will defeat the Witch again.

"You know about the prophecy?" Edmund frowned.

"Indeed."

"Oh," Edmund shook his head, "we should have come to you then, instead of fighting those ugly merpeople!"

"I see trouble following you though," Galestone said cautiously, "a real trouble."

"My real task isn't it?" Edmund asked darkly, "we saw Aslan and he warned me. I'm destined to fail, right?"

"You are destined to be crushed in fact," Galestone said, "no one can stop that from happening."

"But what exactly is that? A wound? I don't know, someone I love dies? Me being killed by the Witch?" Assumption spread in his head.

"I do not know, but I know you will rise again as it said in the prophecy. You will be greater and stronger," Galestone nodded his head.

"Maybe," Edmund leaned back, giving the jar back to Galestone.

"And you will bring victory to the country again," Galestone added.

"That's Peter and Caspian's destiny, not mine," Edmund snapped, "I am destined to fall."

"Do not doubt yourself, young king," Galestone said.

Edmund wasn't in the mood of continuing the conversation, he got up and glanced at the door, "I think I'll just go and see Natasha."

Galestone nodded and Edmund strode out of the hut, feeling his wounds were healed.

"...and there were harpies and they were giant-like..." Edmund saw Leif was excitedly telling the young centaurs about their adventures on a stone nearby with lots of nuts scattered on the floor.

Some female centaurs were brushing Salina's feathers, joking and laughing. Claus was snoring under the shade of a huge tree with his fellow wolves, drooling. Kikin with some dwarves and fauns were eating as much as they could. Everyone beamed.

Not everyone, Edmund thought darkly as speeded his pace towards the healing camp. He went in and found a bed with curtains. The stern-face centaur nodded to him and retreated out of the camp.

Edmund pulled the curtains and sat on the bed edge. Natasha's eyes were closed, breathing evenly. Edmund stroked her face with the back of his hand, leaned in and kissed her forehead. He sat there and waited, wanting the first thing she saw when she woke was him, missing the way she fixated at him with her aquamarine eyes, her shy smile...

When twilight fell outside the window, Natasha's eyelashes moved. Edmund beamed and sat closer. A groan escaped from her. Wearily, her eyes opened.

"Hello, lovely," Edmund smiled.

"You know what I was dreaming?" she muttered as Edmund stroked her hair.

"Me?" Edmund sounded smug.

"Yeah," she smiled sheepishly, "you."

"What was I doing?" Edmund's smiled was wider.

"Holding me," Natasha blinked, "eating carrots."

Edmund chuckled as helping her up from the bed.

"What's happened back in the tunnel?"

Edmund explained everything to her, but Natasha's eyes somehow flickered as he mentioned Aslan. He kept her in his arms, kissing her forehead occasionally.

"Wow," she uttered.

"Hard," he paused,"but we won. We're safe now."

Natasha, sitting on his laps, turned to look at him, fingers traced his lips. He kissed them.

"Sorry that I was fainted," she mumbled, "I should have helped..." she trailed off.

Edmund sighed, pulling her close, "I love you, nothing else matters.

"I love you too," Edmund thought he saw sadness in her eyes, or maybe she was just tired, "and Edmund," she kissed him softly and pulled back, "if you are to pick between me and Narnia, pick Narnia. It should always be Narnia."

"Let's talk about other things, shall we? Let's talk about...what do you want to eat for supper?"

"Carrots soup?" She winked as Edmund groaned.

"Something else?"

Natasha grinned, and pecked his nose, and his cheek, and his neck, "I insist. Carrots makes you see better."

"Who said this?"

"I did."

A centaur came in and the two of them straightened their sitting position, "dinner is ready."

Edmund and Natasha walked to of the hut, found a long table with delicious food. Everyone was wolfing the food.

"Sorry we didn't wait for you," Leif apologized, "we're starving."

Edmund beamed, and knew it would be one of the best dinners ever.

If ever he was to pick her or Narnia, Edmund blinked, he really didn't know what he would pick.


	16. Chapter 16

Guilt in Life

Chapter Sixteen

Edmund was playing with Natasha's hair with her sitting on his laps in the morning. Everyone was obviously sleeping as the morning mist was still floating in the air. Natasha couldn't sleep though, she was meandering in the woods, Edmund was a morning person and he found her. They were sitting here ever since.

"Why is that I got a feeling that you're upset?" Edmund asked.

"Just tired," this sounded like an excuse to Edmund.

"Tell me," Edmund urged gently.

"Maybe," she looked at him with her blue eyes, piercing into his, "I love you so much that it hurts."

Edmund leaned in and kissed her, for felt like hours later, he pulled back. "I love you too. You're like...you are perfect, Nat."

"I'm not, soon you'll find my flaws. Really soon," Natasha was playing with his large hand, "and you'll leave me."

"I won't," Edmund promised, "how can I ever leave you?"

Natasha shrugged, "I'm not that perfect girl for you, Ed, you _have to_ believe this."

"What are you talking about?" Edmund scowled, "I don't care, I will put up with anything about you, because I just love you."

Natasha nodded, she looked into the woods for a moment, "no matter what happens, Edmund Pevensie, remember that I love you—this is not going to change."

Edmund kissed her again, feeling whole with her presence. A sudden howl of a horn dragged them apart. Edmund stared sternly, he quickly got up, holding Natasha's hand and raced to the edge of the woods. The watchman was panic-struck.

Edmund's grip on Natasha's hand tightened as he glared at the blonde in front of him.

"Hello my dear," came an elegant voice that didn't match the greed-twisted face.

Nothing changed about the White Witch. She was tall with long blonde hair, twisted to the back of her head. Eyes were sharp, ruddy thin lips curled to what like a smile. Hatred rose in him as his hand, the one that wasn't holding Natasha's, flew to his Yule's sheath.

There were huge minotaurs, dwarves with axes and army of dark creatures behind her. Also the armed Telmarines.

"Stay there," she ordered softly at the charging Narnians behind Edmund, Edmund turned as the White Witch waved her staff casually. An invisible wall was built between Edmund and his army.

"Long time no see, Edmund," the White Witch smiled, "my lovely Edmund. You've grown up so much. Last time when you sold Narnia out, you were just a kid. Pity you have to do it again."

"History will not repeat itself," Edmund spat, "not this time."

"Maybe," the Witch nodded knowing, opening her arms, sneering.

Edmund could no longer put up with anger, he drew his sword and charged at the White Witch. But with on lazy wave of her staff, Edmund flew backward, hitting the tree trunk. He climbed up from the ground, launching forward when a familiar scream stopped him.

A dagger blade was hitting Natasha's neck with a werewolf at her back. Fear spread in Edmund's chest as he stopped dead with his sword.

"Let her go," Edmund shouted, "Let her go! It's me you want, it has nothing to do with her."

"Now," the Witch said slowly, "there are lots of things I want. Your corpse for one. Narnia for another. Your brother's surrender and his death. But you, Edmund, is more important."

"It's the prophecy isn't it?" Edmund said darkly, glancing at Natasha who was breathing heavily.

"I don't like other standing in my way," the Witch smiled, "and I like it better when you are dead. But death is simply too good for you, for you tried to stop me twice. I think a bit of guilt and the name traitor suit you more."

"What do you want?" Edmund glared.

"I just want to let you choose," the Witch said, circling him, she put her hand on his chin, forcing him to look at his people, who were ready for fight, he could see Leif's fangs were bared, she whispered softly in his ear, "you can choose your own people, or," she twisted his face to Natasha's scared face, "or you can choose her. I will spare one of them."

Natasha's eyes were shocked, she mouthed, "pick them."

He knew the Witch's army was laughing, but all he could hear was his own heart racing, fast and pounding. The Witch said something, smiling, but Edmund couldn't hear her. His eyes pierced into Natasha's panic ones. Edmund looked at his army again, they were waiting.

What was he supposed to do? He couldn't let his people risk their lives for him, but, as he looked at Natasha again, he couldn't bear to lose Natasha. He felt like he was going to cry, but he was a king, the Just King.

"Pick one now, dear," the witch said, "I have four thousands men with me. But it only takes one man to slide the blade on her throat. I promise to retreat my army after killing her if this is your choice."

Edmund gulped.

"Poor Edmund," the witch sighed, "you love her, don't you? And I thought she loved you too."

Edmund cursed the witch in the back of his mind, panting.

"I am patient," the White Witch said, eyes were smiling, "but the werewolf is not."

The blade was pressing on the flesh of her throat, a little blood was coming out as Natasha winced-

"NO!" Edmund reached out.

"I take that is your choice then," the Witch waved her hand at the werewolf, who backed away.

Edmund expected Natasha ran to him and hugged him, but she didn't, just stood there, eyes were wide and blank.

"Well done, I must say I am impressed," the White witch clapped her hands, "that's probably the most brilliant act in Narnia ever. I would have been fooled too, my love. Absolutely extraordinary."

"What? Nat?" Edmund felt his knees were weak, "Nat? Come here."

"You still have not figured out what's going on?" The Witch sighed dramatically, "Edmund, Edmund, Edmund, open your eyes. She is beautiful isn't it? Gentle isn't it? Caring isn't it? Have you wondered how did this orphan girl go to your world, and the horn?"

"You said a friend gave you the horn,"Edmund whispered, he couldn't believe what was happening at the moment. Natasha was not...she couldn't be...she said she loved him...

But she never said what side she was on...he never knew about her past...everyone warned him about her...he shouldn't have...

"You stopped me from going back with Peter—the prophecy, you knew it, didn't you?" Edmund felt his world was breaking apart.

"Now, don't blame her for that, she didn't know," the Witch clarified helpfully, "she didn't know when I blocked the horn's power, I thought you two wouldn't, and couldn't come back. Our lovely Natasha didn't know about the prophecy though I supposed both the gnomes and mermaids tried to warn you that."

"_Trade your life with the girl's, she is a trouble-"..._the gnomes.

"_I want the girl..I'm just doing what's the best for you-"..._the merpeople

"No," Edmund moaned, "you're not—oh no—you can't be..." he trailed off.

"I injured her before sending her here, thought that would be a bit of a drama," the White Witch said, "and I asked her to pass information to me at the beginning, but then, seeing you two fell in love with each other...wow, that'd be a better show, right?"

Natasha didn't look at him, nor look sad, nor feel bad, she stared into the woods in the opposite direction.

"Nat—deny it, tell me it's not true..."Edmund was desperately, with a slight hope that the Witch was lying, that it was one of her new taunting, "Nat..."

"Tell him, Natasha, tell him what you are." the witch encouraged.

She shook her head.

"No? Fine, Edmund has made up his mind anyway," the White Witch glanced at her army and gestured forward. The dark creatures came charging at the Narnians, who seemed defenceless, "don't worry, I've asked my troop to do it quick, poor Edmund."

Creatures and Telmarines swept past him, but Edmund barely noticed anything. He just stared at Natasha, who, for the first time, looked at him. Nothingness gleamed in her eyes. She turned to the opposite side of the woods and strode away.

"How does it feel to betray your people again?" the White Witch swung her hair backward, got on her chariot, moved by polar bear, "don't feel too guilty—oh wait, King Edmund the Just is used to guiltiness."

Edmund couldn't move as staring at the Witch, who just smiled innocently.

"Edmund, Edmund," she beamed, "once a traitor, you are always a traitor."

**_It's one of my favorite chapters, please review. _**


	17. Chapter 17

Guilt in Life

Chapter Seventeen

The defenceless battle swept past Edmund, Edmund didn't know what happened most of the time. All he heard was someone shouted, "Fight! Just King, Fight!".

He was bumped to a corner by some dwarf. The dwarf's axe rose high in front of him, but he could barely pick up his sword.

"Leave him alive!" He heard the White Witch's iniquitous voice, "let him mourn for his lost. With shame and regrets."

He was like someone got lost in the woods. Woman and children centaur's screaming thundered his ear, and there was the cheering of the werewolves. After about half an hour, a blank half an hour, Edmund saw the army of the Witch retreated. They spat on him, sneered at his face. But Edmund barely heard them. For his heart was pounding loudly in his chest. Lifelessly.

Edmund stood in the forest ruins, heard groaning all over the places. There were the injuries, and the dead. He barely noticed what was going on when he picked up the injured Leif from the stone edge and put him on the soft grass. He was wincing in pain. So was Edmund, not the physical pain though.

The White Witch's flagitious army retreated after extirpating the Woods, leaving the dead bodies of Edmund's beloved Narnians in the woods. Galestone lay beside a tree, panting, his right arm was cut off, blood came streaming down. Claus' eyes were shut in a comer, snuggling with his fellow wolves.

Edmund finally felt something after bandaging Leif's wound with a piece of his clothes. He stood up and paced in the woods.

Edmund felt like a gudgeon. A simpleton.

The atmosphere of dolor and grim floating in the air, anyone barely looked at him, and when they did, all Edmund received was mephitic glares and contumelies. His mind was heavy, so was his body.

He came across a body, a dead faun corpse that resembled some he knew. He looked like Kikin, the kind faun who warned him about Nat—it was painful to recall her name. Yeah, Kikin had warned him about her. He just didn't listen.

A second later, Edmund realised the still faun bore the same features as Kikin, and he knew. Edmund the Just, was the cause of the death of Kikin—a fine, loving faun who offered his life to him.

Edmund closed the faun's wide eyes, exhaled, hoping to breathe out all his sorrow. It didn't work though.

Edmund went deeper into the woods, found bodies of familiar face. Salina's. The centaur that healed Nat—her, was dead. His army. Edmund stopped, shutting his eyes as frustration burnt in him. Anger towards himself, towards her rose, his fists clutched to balls. He wanted to hit something.

"You are an idiot!" Edmund opened his eyes, found a child centaur came storming at him with a small sword. Tears were streaming down his face like waterfall, eyes were red and gashes all over his small body.

"What did you have to do that?" He shouted, loud and echoing in the woods. Edmund remembered seeing him playing and chatting with Kikin and Leif.

Edmund didn't speak, he couldn't speak.

"My father laid down his life for you, you idiot King! He's dead now, also my uncles and Kikin! Are you happy now? Go and find your stupid girl then, my lord! How can you even call yourself a king?"

Edmund didn't protest when the young centaur punched him with his little fists.

"Jasire!" a female centaur came galloping to him, grim faced, and pulled the young centaur, Jasire, away, "I'm sorry, my king."

"Don't call him a king, mother! He doesn't deserve to rule! He. Doesn't. Deserve. Anything!"

"Quiet Jasire," his mother said weakly, "he is the Just."

"A stupid moron only!" Jasire gnashed at him.

"He's right," Edmund whispered, "I don't deserve to rule, or be king. I'll build everything here again, and help you-"

"We don't need your help!" he spat, "I wish you would just leave! Narnia is better off without you."

The mother gasped and covered Jasire's mouth with her hands, "he didn't mean that, my king."

"I know what he meant, and he was right," Edmund said blandly.

Edmund turned and walked away.

"Traitor!" Edmund heard Jasire, "You promised to never betray Narnia ever again! You are a lying king!:

Edmund walked into a tent, some women were busy helping the injured. They bowed at him, but Edmund didn't fail to notice their looks of disgust.

He picked up a cloak and wrapped it around his body. Soon, he was out in the woods again, found Leif was awake in a corner. Leif looked at him, gesturing him to come and sit with him weakly. And Edmund did.

"Are you okay?" Leif asked.

"Yes," Edmund said, "no."

Leif raised an eyebrow at him.

"I," Edmund paused, he didn't want to talk to anyone, "I'm sorry."

"I know," Leif said, "we are all sorry."

"I'm...I don't want to-"

"If you want to leave, I will not stop you. I know you need time, but time is slipping away in Narnia. The longer she rules, the stronger she is," Leif rested his head on the grass.

Edmund nodded, "I am a traitor. I sold Narnia out again."

"You did not. No one knew anything about Natasha," Leif sighed, "do you love her?"

"I don't want to talk about this," he snapped.

"Take your time," Leif said, "For this must be done."

Edmund looked at him, confused.

"Don't you see? It's said in the prophecy. _T__he Son of Adam with a haunting past will raise high and fall deep. He will learn from his mistake and finish the White Witch once and for all, it is his destiny to meet his ultimate affliction. He may die, or may restore peace to Narnia once again. _You are falling deep now, Natasha is your ultimate affliction! You will raise again."

"Or I may die," Edmund added, "this is not my destiny."

"Who says? You are going to defeat the White Witch. You will bring peace to Narnia once again." Leif said firmly.

Edmund shook his head, "I'm not the right person."

"But-"

"I want to leave."

"I saw that coming," Leif sighed again, "I will not go anywhere. I'm here in the Flatteren Woods when you need me again, which you will. Soon."

"I won't be able to—Jarsire is right, I don't deserve to rule," Edmund shut his eyes in pain.

"You are born to be a leader, Edmund," Leif said, "are you planning where to wander off?"

"Away from Narnians."

"Head west and walk along the Bay City then," Leif suggested,"It's the Telmarines' city. The Witch Witch handed it to Nizal, a Telmarine lord that betrayed Caspian. There were five towns in the city, all along the Western Coast. You will be safe there. You can think."

Edmund nodded, "Bay City it is then. I'll leave tonight. Nobody wants me to be here anyway."

"I know you don't want to talk about this," Leif looked at him, "Natasha talked to me. She said I had every right reason to suspect her, and she said, I didn't know she was a spy by that time, she said if she had a choice, she wouldn't fall for you, and she wouldn't let you fall for her."

Edmund stared at the grass with an unknown anger welling in his chest.

"Despite she is the spy, she loves you," Leif concluded.

"She betrayed me," Edmund whispered, panting, "she looked me in the eye and told me she loved me. Then she sold the whole Narnia out. I thought—I was being an idiot and I actually thought she loved me."

"She does," Leif replied, "Trust me, she does. It is one of the many rare gifts of us fox. We always know if someone's eyes are lying. When she looked at you, Edmund, I could feel her affection towards you."

Edmund sighed, and got up, "goodbye Leif."

"Remember, I'm here when you need me," he said.

Edmund had been hiding in the woods, avoiding talking to anyone. He kept his thoughts in the deepest part of his mind, she had somehow became a shadow of his mind. Edmund couldn't bring himself to think about her, or about what he had done to his beloved Narnia.

He honestly didn't believe the prophecy. The theory of destiny should never be applied to him. Soon, night came, Leif sneaked some cheese and bread to Edmund, got him an extra cloak and with a final hug at Leif's injured body, the two friend farewelled.

Edmund sped up at the edge of the woods, when he went out of the Flatteren Woods, it was as though someone lifted a chain off his legs. Yet, his heart was heavier. He was leaving for good. But he was also a coward who left after ruining everything.

Maybe his real name was Edmund, not the Just, but Edmund the Coward.

For a moment, Edmund thought the trees were laughing at him. He sighed, well not Edmund the Coward.

He was Edmund the Traitor.


	18. Chapter 18

Guilt in Life

Chapter Eighteen

Edmund pulled the hood over his head as entering Haza, the first town in the Bay City. It was located, like the other four cities, near the bay. The White Witch couldn't power over the sea, it was probably one of the very few places where water was still floating.

Edmund heard waves crushing the shore on the bridge as entering the town. It wasn't better than the Narnian's inhabitant. Snow was covering everything, the roofs, the houses, the streets and the lamps. The market was filled with people with wicked looks heavily cloaked. Edmund was glad nobody noticed this new comer.

Lights were lit in the houses, the street was noisy and crowded. Edmund saw people were gathering in a corner and there was some shouting.

"Ten galleons for this young lad!"

"Fifteen."

"Twenty."

Edmund was tall for his age,still, there were too many people. He shouldered into the crowd, found Telmarines, lads and lasses about his age, were roped with iron chains. A skinny, middle age man with goatee was standing in the stage with a book.

"Forty!" Edmund heard someone shouted.

"Forty? Anyone is willing to pay more then forty?" The goatee man shouted in a delighted voice, "no one? The lad is yours then, sire."

"How can they do that?" Edmund heard a female voice.

He turned, saw a girl standing next to him with a hood over her head, failed to hide her golden blond hair though. She was wearing a cloak like his. Edmund couldn't see her face, he lowered his head as she glanced around.

"And now for this lass!" The goatee man shouted.

Edmund heard galloping sound and saw men on horse, loyal looking, came with a small troop. He noticed the girl shivered.

"Stop now for a moment, Goata!"

Edmund gritted his teeth, weren't these people supposed to stop the slave traders?

"Lord Nizal," Goata,the goatee man greeted, lots of people bowed, "you look troubled, what on earth can trouble you, my lord?"

"I'm looking for someone," Nizal said in a deep voice, Edmund noticed he was about Peter's age with red hair and a hooked nose.

"Who is that unfortunate person may I ask?" Goata asked, flattering.

"My fiancée," Nizal's eyes were sharp, scanning in the crowd. The girl next to him was tensed, she was, in fact, shaking and panting. She stepped back, glancing at the small alley at the back.

"Lady Elizabeth? Where possibly would she be apart from preparing for the wedding three days later?" Goata frowned.

"I do not know," Nizal said, "have you seen her?"

The girl was breathing fast, kept looking at the sideways. She took a step backward, Edmund grabbed her hand to stop her from running though.

"Please don't turn me in," She pleaded in whisper, "please. I'm begging you."

"I won't," Edmund promised, "act normal and stare at the stage. Stop panting."

The girl obeyed, she lowered her head so the hood was covering her face.

"Now I command you, all of you," Nizal looked around, "to turn in Lady Elizabeth, for she is just too nervous for the wedding and is hiding now. I will make sure those who help her to escape will be turned over to the Witch and those who find her will be rewarded."

"Yes sire," there were mumbling. Edmund felt the girl grabbed his hand harder.

"We heard the Witch is pleased lately," Goata said, "What's happened?"

"The king mentioned in the prophecy is crushed," Nizal said with a slight smile, "he, along his beloved Narnians, will soon be defeated."

"What about King Caspian?" A lad chained with iron gloves shouted.

Nizal went over to the stage. He smiled wicked and picked up the wipe, "you are a faithful one, aren't you?"

"Long Live King Caspian!" the lad shouted though Edmund had wished he wouldn't.

Slash!

Edmund saw the wipe crushed on the lad's skin, he shrieked, yet, none helped him.

"Long live the one and only Queen, Queen Jadis!" Nizal shouted, "send this one to the werewolves."

Goata licked his lips as bowing at Nizal, "take him to the dungeon now," he ordered his servant.

"You will find my fiancée and bring her to me, she can be easily recognized with golden hair. Find her with all your men, and then you can continue with your trading."

Nizal mounted his horse and the troop galloped away.

"I'm sorry, my beloved gentlemen, you heard Lord Nizal," Goata said, "we are closing business until the girl is found."

"Come on," Edmund mumbled to the girl and he dragged her away from the crowd, they managed to walk to the end of street quickly without running.

"Do you know where can we stay?" Edmund asked the stranger.

"There's a hut near the shore," she replied in a scared voice, "it's cold there and no one will be near the water."

"Show the way," Edmund said.

It wasn't hard to hide from the people in town, but the girl's hand was sweating like crazy. Edmund nicked a few thick, long robe on the way without being found. Soon, noise and people were far away and waves were heard again.

By twilight, they saw a small house in the shore. It was more like a ruin then a house. Cold sea breeze came blowing at them. Edmund, with sword out, glanced around in the dark house.

"Don't worry, no one will be here," the girl guaranteed. She glanced at the candle and took out some matches from her pocket, lit it, "I always carry matches with me. It makes me feel safe."

"You are Elizabeth," Edmund stated when the girl pulled down the hood.

"Call me Beth," she said, Her blond hair reached her chest, eyes were warm, in green. When they locked on his, Edmund suddenly missed the blue ones. He kept this thought to himself though, and hated himself for that.

"Edmund," he nodded.

"I'm afraid we'll have to spend the night here," Beth said, sitting down on the carpet in a corner, hands rubbing her arms.

"You may want to put this on," Edmund threw the long rob at her, she smiled faintly.

"Thanks," she mumbled, "why do you help me, Edmund?"

"I," Edmund didn't know either, "because you need help."

"Who are you?" she asked in a way that resembled Lucy.

"Just Edmund," he replied, "Why are you running away?"

"I," she paused, "I don't—can't marry him."

"Nizal?"

She nodded. Edmund took a seat next to her on the carpet, staring at the flickering candle light.

"He's been wanting to do this for a long time," Beth explained, "he's greedy, sold King Caspian to the Witch. He managed to escape though, with the Narnian's help. Now he's hiding in the-"

"Western Woods, I know," Edmund said.

"The Old Kings and Queens are back though," Edmund hated to hear the hopefulness in her voice, "Winter will be over soon."

Edmund didn't speak.

"I heard from the rumours that the High King is gathering an huge army with both ancient Narnians and Telmarines, he's ready to fight, but he's waiting," Beth smiled, "Victory is coming."

"What is Peter waiting for?"

Beth frowned at him for a moment before answering, "he's waiting for his brother, same name as you, Edmund. He's one of the many heroic figures in Narnia. Edmund the Just."

"He's an idiot," this burst out.

"No he's not," Beth insisted, "he brought peace to Narnia, twice. I heard the prophecy the Witch has been scaring of has something to do with him."

"Just a false prophecy," Edmund shrugged.

"I don't believe that," Beth stared at her toes, "I believe in hope. In the old Kings and Queens."

"You should believe," Edmund paused, remembering the last time he believed someone, she murdered him in some way, "you shouldn't believe in anyone, or anything."

"What's happened to you?" She frowned at him.

"Nothing terrible," Edmund leaned back, "are you hungry?"

"A bit, but we have to wait till late night to nick food," Beth admitted bitterly.

"Who is Nizal?"

"A horrible person. He permitted slave trading," Beth glared at the candles, "I'm an orphan, have been living with my uncle and aunt for my entire life. My uncle and aunt want a better life, and they exchange it by marrying me to Nizal. He," she sighed, "he promised to make me happy again. I know he will be a good husband, but he is a traitor. He is not a good man."

"What about Goata? The slave trader?"

"He's not anything better than Nizal, he trades young lads and lasses," Beth replied.

"It seems there isn't any good person in Bay City," Edmund stared at the door.

"We are all waiting for someone to gather us, for Narnia. The five towns of Bay City are, like the Narnians, ready to fight for our king, our real king Caspian. We just need a leader."

A leader...this word burnt Edmund's mind.

They didn't speak again. Only the sound of waves was heard in the long night. Finally when the first star was out and Edmund's empty stomach was rumbling, Edmund got up and headed to the door.

"Edmund, promise me you'll be careful," Beth's eyes were pleading, "I don't want to lose a friend."

"You shouldn't trust anyone so fast," Edmund stated, "they may hurt you, hiding things you don't ever want to know."

"You are not going to hurt me, I trust you," Beth smiled innocently, "Be back soon."

Edmund nodded and opened the door. He nearly stepped the basket in front of him in the raven night. Edmund picked it up, glancing around. No one, not even a gull, was around.

"What is it?"

"I found something," Edmund said, closed the door and brought it to the candle. He opened it, found some chicken and bread. A jar of milk standing beside them.

"Who left us these?" She gasped.

"Don't eat it, it maybe poisonous."

"You are suspecting too much, Ed," Beth picked up the bread and bit it before Edmund could say anything.

"Maybe."

And Edmund spent the whole night, trying not to think of _her_, and wondered who left them the food.


	19. Chapter 19

Guilt in Life

Chapter Nineteen

"What are you planning to do now?" Edmund asked in the hut, noticing pale morning light gleamed in, trying to ignore his ravenous stomach.

"I don't know," Beth said flatly, "I don't want to go back. I'll be like a puppet. Where are you going anyway? You don't like talking about yourself."

Edmund shrugged, "there's nothing to tell."

"I'm sure a ranger like you must have lots of adventure," Beth was obviously in a bright mood.

"I have nothing," Edmund said honestly, "are you going to stay here forever?"

It was her turn to shrug, "I don't know."

"What if they found you?"

Beth's eyes fell, "I'll run away again and again until they can't find me. Doesn't anyone see? I don't want to marry him. I don't want to marry someone who works for the Witch!"

"Leave here then," Edmund suggested, "we can leave here after finding out who gave us the food."

"Does that really matter to you? Can't it just be a helpful stranger with a pure urge to help?" Beth frowned.

"Beth," Edmund looked into her green eyes, "No one is pure. Apart from you perhaps, and my sister."

"Where is your sister now?" Beth asked.

"She's busy," Edmund smiled lightly, "don't be fooled by those act of strangers, Beth."

"Something happened to you before," Beth stated, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Edmund looked at her sincere face, fighting the urge to tell her everything that happened in the past few weeks. He never admitted that he was hurt, nor he ever would, but somehow, the inner scars would still remain in the deepest part of him no matter how much, or how long he tried to erase them.

"Nothing happened."

The afternoon passed eventually. Beth told him about her childhood and what she remembered from Narnia before the Witch ruling again. Edmund listened, he found her a very good company. She knew when to speak and when not to. But somehow, she was not the person Edmund wanted to talk to.

"I'm hungry," Beth licked her lips. Edmund got the impression that she tried not to bother him with her hunger.

"I know," Edmund replied, "I'll get us something to eat."

"Do you think that someone who left us food will do it again?" she asked weakly.

"No one is that nice," Edmund sighed, "we can't wait to the night."

"But it's risky, I should go with you."

"Excuse me, the whole town is looking for you, Beth," Edmund reminded her, "you will attract too much attention."

"Wish I could help," she mumbled, "I'm so useless."

Edmund took out the other sword from his belt and handed it to Beth, he was carrying more than one sword.

"Take it."

"I don't know how to use a sword," Her eyes were wide. Those green orbs were enchanting. But not as precarious as those blue ones. Edmund looked away as she gazed at him.

"Keep it," Edmund said and headed to the door.

He pulled his hood over head before opening the door, and he found something again.

A basket lay on the floor.

Edmund picked up, drew his sword and glanced around cautiously. No one was around. Again.

"Edmund?"

"That person left again!" Edmund panted heavily as slamming the door shut.

He gave the basket to Beth. Instead of starting to eat, Beth put it on the floor and sat down next to him, stroking his arm.

"The food is all right, why are you grim?"

Edmund shook his head, "You're hungry. Eat."

"But Edmund-"

"Beth, I'm fine," Edmund said, pulling the basket to her.

Edmund knew he had to track down the stranger who gave them food. He just didn't trust that person.

But then, Edmund barely trusted anyone now.

"Come on Beth," Edmund urged again, "You should sleep."

Beth was sitting next to him, eyeing at him like he was some kind of bomb that was going to explode any time. They sat down right next to the door and the window. Edmund listened hard for footstep or anything. Anything at all.

"I'm not tired," she said. Edmund glanced at her, she tried to hide the fact that she was yawning.

"You're tired," Edmund stated, "it's all right. I'll wake you when he comes."

She nodded, leaning her head against the wall after hooding her head. Her blonde hair looked so soft, like silk. He reached out to touch her, but instead of touching her hair, he shoved her head to his shoulder, and sighed.

Edmund remembered back in the train when he and she were travelling, her head banged at the window. Edmund didn't fight the smile, but he wished he didn't think of this piece of memory, because after this slight smile, all left was pain, and endless hollowness.

Edmund forbid himself to think of her now, or what she was doing, or thinking. He had tried to block her away from his tangled mind, but she was like mist, like she was playing hide and seek with him in the holes of his memories.

She was an advance player. And Edmund was the loser. If they were rains, Edmund was the drizzle and she was the tropical storm.

Beth's blonde hair brushed his cheek as she inhaled and exhaled peacefully, her hair, was long and tidy, smooth and elegant. Her cheeks were pink, with full lips. A beautiful figure, and she treated him like a friend. If only she knew what he had done...

As Edmund dropped his chin on the top of her head, he knew what he was missing. He missed his tropical storm as much as he didn't want to admit. To himself or anyone. Her hair was tangled, earthy brown. She smelled...she smelled like him.

Edmund remembered her eyelashes, long and...she, unlike Beth, never behaved like a lady. Unlike Beth, she was very clumsy. Unlike Beth, she was not elegant. Unlike Beth, she was imperfect. Unlike Beth, she was complicated. Unlike Beth, she hurt him. Unlike Beth, she was poisonous. Unlike Beth, she-

Edmund heard it. Not the pounding in his chest and Beth's steady breathing, nor it was the tides. He heard footsteps, getting closer and closer. He peaked out of the window. It was pitch dark, yet, he saw a shadowy figure. The figure put down something, a basket Edmund supposed, and turned.

"Beth," Edmund patted her face, "Beth!"

Beth barely opened her eyes, but Edmund shot up from the floor and opened the door, noticing the distance between them and the figure, the hooded figure.

He paced after him, the sand made him running slowly. The figure glanced back from his shoulder, obviously noticed Edmund and walked faster. He was leading them into the town. For a moment, Edmund didn't care, he ran into the town which was quiet. The figure turned a corner into the alley, and he disappeared.

Edmund's eyes scanning the road, there were two doors on left and right. It was too dark to see the footprints on the snow. Edmund glanced backward, opened the left door. Instead of finding the person that offered them food. He was staring at Goata's face, who frowned at him wickedly.

"Stranger?"

"Did you see—Wrong door, sorry," Edmund said, knowing it was a huge mistake to open the door, "my apologies for disturbing you."

"I do not think so, a drink?"

"And dupe me to be your property? I do not think so," Edmund snapped as Goata stroked his beard. Edmund turned to leave, he expected Goata to stop him, but he didn't. Or maybe it was because Edmund had his hood back on his head, or maybe because he glared at him.

"There she is!"

"Seize her!"

Edmund raced out of the alley. Too late. Someone pulled off Beth's hood rudely. Her golden hair stood out in the dark. Her scared face told Edmund that he had made another huge mistake. Beth must have followed him...and he was being over self-centred, all he cared was catching that someone who tried to help them...or was it a trick?

Someone grabbed her arm, Edmund wanted to reach out, but these people were just going to kill him. He was no use to Beth dead. He stood back in a corner, hating himself more and more for leaving Beth alone there. People with greedy looks approached to her.

"Bring her to Lord Nizal," someone suggested.

"No!" she protested, yanking her army away. Beth saw him, her emerald eyes resembled to hers when she betrayed him. Helpless. Yet, hers were more, hers were empty and hopeless.

"Sorry lass, you have no choice," a huge man said and pounded her head. Beth was motionless. The people then got into a fierce altercate of who was to bring her to Nizal. Edmund watched with anger.

After a long time of arguing and quarrelling, someone won and carried her to Nizal. Edmund, burnt with shame, was the cause of this.

He turned to return back to the hut when the street was empty again. When he glanced at the windows on the third floor, he saw Goata was frowning at something at distance. Beth, he was eyeing at Beth—must be wondering how to trick the reward out of Nizal.

Edmund didn't understand why, but he knew it had something to do with that person who brought them food.

**_Please Please Please Review _**


	20. Chapter 20

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty

Beth was locked up in the third floor of Nizal's huge house when dawn broke.

Edmund saw Beth sitting on the window sill, hugging her knees, staring out of the window hopelessly, like she was some kind of lame animal being trapped in a cage. She had not told anyone about him, but there was nothing to say about Edmund away. Edmund glanced if anyone was around, he picked up a pebble and threw it at the window from the backyard of the big mansion.

He got her attention at last. Beth looked at him, smiled faintly.

"Open the window," he mouthed.

"I can't, locked," she mouthed back, Edmund didn't fail to notice her eyes were red.

"Stand back," he mouthed again, picked out a bigger pebble.

Beth retreated to the wall and with a mighty swing of his arm, the window glass shattered with a 'cling", Edmund suddenly remembered he was doing the exact same thing with _**her **_back in the professor's house. Shaking his thoughts away, he saw Beth smiled. Edmund threw the rope that he nicked in a blacksmith's house at her, she caught it, roping it to her bed.

And it was then when the door was swung open, Nizal glared at her, "what are you doing?"

Nizal grabbed Beth's arm, Beth screamed.

"Let her go!" Edmund shouted, drawing her sword.

"This is my fiancée, who in Jadis' name are you, ranger?" Nizal grabbed Beth's harder as she winced, "Guards!"

Edmund saw the guards were confused, Nizal shouted again, "Get him!"

"Beth," Edmund looked at her scared face, "I'll get you out of here, I promise."

"GUARDS!"

The guards drew their swords, Edmund tightened his Yule, charging at his enemy without holding back. There were five of them, five grown-up men, yet soon, they collapsed to the ground within minutes as Edmund started warming up.

He pulled the hood over head and raced into the street. He heard the troops coming after him. With a gentle shove, the booths that were selling fruit and vegetables crushed the road.

"Oi!" he heard the guards and owners of the booth yelled after him.

"Don't let him go!" Edmund ran into the noisy crowd, snow was falling he noticed. With a quick hop, Edmund jumped through an opened window into an empty shop. He supposed the owner was somewhere in the back room. Piles of robe and cloak in different colours were lining up on the walls. Edmund heard the troop's shouting.

He crouched down near the window, eyes were peaking out in the street cautiously. A huge man with beard was scanning around with swords out.

"Search all the shops here, he must be around!" he ordered.

"Come in here, son," Edmund jumped as he heard the gentle voice of a woman.

He turned and saw a woman about his mother's age with scarlet hair frowned at him. Instead of turning him in, she gestured him to the back room impatiently.

"Come quick! They are going to get you!" she ordered.

Edmund glanced at the window again before pacing into the room, thrusting his sword back to his sheath. There were huge closets lining up against the walls. The woman took away the clothes for a space and shoved Edmund in there, covering him by putting the clothes and cloak all over his body.

"Ma'am!" someone banged the door.

"Don't make a sound, my lord," the woman said, her brown eyes were firm, "I'm going to drive them away."

The woman left the room. Edmund breathed in the fresh scent of the clothes, panting, hand was on his sword hilt.

"Yes sire? Can I help you?" Edmund heard her voice.

"We are looking for a hooded man about this height, did you see anyone break in?"

"No," there was no hesitation in her voice, "sire."

"Are you sure? Someone saw him headed this way," the soldier suspected.

"Yeah, no one broke into my shop, but I did see a hooded figure heading north," she replied.

"Thank you very much, ma'am, connect Nizal army if you spot any odd behaving strangers."

"Good day to you, sire," the woman said and Edmund heard the closing of door.

Assuming it was safe, Edmund hopped off the closet and peaked out of the door. The woman with red hair was pulling the curtains over the windows. Edmund cleared his throat when she was done.

"Ma'am, thank you," Edmund said.

"My lord," the woman bowed at him, "I can't believe I live to see the day of you coming!"

"You know who I am?" Edmund frowned, guard wasn't lowered.

"King Edmund, the Just," the woman bowed again, "I've, and a lot of people, have been waiting for you."

"What do you mean?" Edmund frowned, "what is your name?"

"Holly," she replied, "are you cold, sire, shall I fetch you something to eat and drink?"

Edmund looked at her, eyes narrowing.

"Please, you are safe here," Holly said, "I will lay down my life to keep you safe, my king. You're our only hope."

"Call me Edmund."

"I can't, my lord, for you are the one who is going to lead us to war," Holly eyes were on her toes, "please, get some rest. I've heard what happened to Beth. You can't risk your life again!"

"She's my friend," Edmund stated.

"She's like my daughter, but how come you were with her?"

Edmund briefly explained how he met Beth and how they were hiding in the hut. Holly gasped.

"Did you give us those food?" he asked at last.

"I did not," Holly replied, "I only saw you last night. You were near Goata's house."

"Goata," Edmund paused, "he's wicked man."

"A foul!"

"Does many people know I am here?" Edmund asked tensely.

"Only me for now, and Beth."

"Beth doesn't know who I am," Edmund said, "I promised to save her. Two more days and she has to marry Nizal. I can't let that happen."

"Please," Holly pleaded, "please, think for Narnia!"

"I'm not the man you're looking for," Edmund said sternly, "I'm..." a traitor.

"What happened in the Narnian inhabitant? I heard a battle was raging on there," Holly frowned.

"The battle...the Narnian lost,"Edmund couldn't recall this memory of how she betrayed him, he gulped, "I need to go, I have to find a way to help Beth escape."

"Wait till the night, and I'll let you do as much as I don't want to," Holly promised, "does the Ancient Shield know about you coming to Bay City?"

"Ancient Shield?"

"A secret society founded among the Bay City, has been waiting for your lead for years. Since King Caspian was chased out of the City, those who remained loyal to him are still fighting against the Witch's army. We, ordinary Telmarines, are no match for ancient magic, but we fight against Nizal's troops secretly."

"I've never heard of this."

Holly rolled her eyes, "of course, it's a secret society."

"Who's the leader?" Edmund asked.

"I'm too junior to know, this is a secret we've been die keeping," Holly said, "please, Edmund, get some rest. I'll have to write to the society about your."

"Keep it down first," Edmund said quickly, "I don't—I am not the right man."

"But you are our only hope to bring spring back to Narnia again. You've defeated the Witch 1300 years ago and you can do it again!"

"It's not the same," he insisted, "how do you write to them?"

"There's a mail box in High Street Kolour's Restaurant. When we dine there, we leave our message there and Kolour will message us by giving us the bills. We burn the bills right after reading," Holly explained.

"Don't inform anyone, I need to know about the giver of the baskets of food, and save Beth," Edmund told Holly, "we'll talk about other things later."


	21. Chapter 21

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty-One

"Thank you for everything," Edmund whispered in the dark night. He was at the door, paused and hugged Holly before heading to the empty, raven street.

Edmund spent the day at Holly's shop, waiting and preparing himself. He didn't know what to do next, but as approaching to the same alley the hooded figure disappeared, he knew he should start by finding the hooded man.

Edmund's tried to open the right door, but it was locked. All left was the door on the left. He had checked that light was out in Goata's house. There was something strange about Goata, he just wished he knew more.

Gingery, Edmund opened the door and found no light was lit. He slowly closed the door behind him, eyes were gazing in the dark.

Edmund walked, but he tripped on something, it was too dark for anyone to see anything. Edmund's hands marvelled on the floor, wondering what that was, and he felt it. It was something like a knob. He kicked it gently, and "cloom" .

Instead of the smooth floor, the floor sank. A stair was visible, there were light and noise down there. Taking a deep breath, Edmund slowly descended down the stairs. There were lots of tunnels with candles lining up on the walls. Edmund kept walking, he saw cells, empty cells with iron cage. Edmund's heart was racing.

"We have to find him!"

Edmund had the impression that the 'him' was he himself. He paced to the end of the celling corridor, there was a door with a small gap. Goata was there, trouble-minded, head on his hands in deep thinking. There were also the other men and women.

"We need him now! Everyone is ready," a woman said emotionally, "those wicked men are torturing our boys."

"I say we raise an attack now!" a man pounded his fist on the table.

An attack?

"We have to wait, just as what Caspian and the High King are doing," a thin woman said, "we have to wait for the arrival of the Just."

"Me?" Edmund mumbled.

"He's the key to our success," the emotional woman was raged, "but he's nowhere to be seen after this morning. Does Beth know about him, or the AS?"

"I think not," Goata said at last, stroking his beard, "we need to find the King. No one knows what happened back in the Flatteren Woods. Only the Narnians know. Reepicheep left a few days ago, he's trying to bound the cities together. We just have to contact our men in Arrc, Ristold, Rolden and Yena."

"But what about an attack now?"

"Nizal will know then, we can't let that happen until we find the King," Goata sighed.

"What exactly happened to him? I heard it had something to do with Natasha," a fat man said.

"Natasha the Spy?" There were lots of murmuring.

This name hadn't been heard for a long time, Edmund felt his head was pounding somehow, with the name Natasha ringing. He tried to pull himself back together.

"Yes, I heard she was looking for him," a woman said, "the rumour says she is trying to track him down and she says something weird."

"What does she say?" Goata raised an eyebrow.

"She spread to some Telmarines in secret that if we ever see the Just, she wants him to know that she loves him, always and forever."

"She is lying!" Edmund pushed the door open, every man and woman in the small room shot up with sword blade pointing at him, "That woman is lying!"

"Ed-Ed-Edmund the Just?" Goata was shocked, he quickly dropped his sword and bowed, "Long live the king!"

'Cling' 'Cling', weapons were being dropped to the ground.

"Long live the King!"

"We've been waiting!" The fat man cheered.

"At last!"

"Thanks Aslan!"

"We have to stay quiet my lord," Goata said, "we are the-"

"Ancient Shield," Edmund added, "you founded this, Goata?"

"I did, I remain, always and forever, to King Caspian and the ancient Kings and Queens," he bowed.

"What about the slave trading?" Edmund remembered those poor lads and lasses.

"They are spies, slave trading is a cover. We send young, skilled people to the business men and nobles' houses, and gather information," Goata replied.

"And cells outside?"

"We capture some nobles and lords," the thin woman said, "for information."

"I'm not the one who is going to bring peace back to Narnia, as much as I want to, but I am the right lad!" Edmund said loudly without managing to shout.

"But-"

"All I want is to save Beth," Edmund said, "Please. I appreciate the Ancient Shield and everyone, but you should find Caspian and Peter."

"The prophecy-"

"The prophecy is just some kind of false legend," Edmund denied, "please."

"The time will come when you believe what you can do," Goata said, "As I predicted, it has something to do with Natasha isn't it?"

"It has nothing to do with her or anyone," Edmund lied, " just let me get Beth out."

"My lord-" the thin woman started.

"We will gather the army for you, and we will wait here for you," Goata concluded, "We are always ready."

"I'm not," Edmund said.

"You will be, my king."

"Where are you going to go then?" The beefy man asked in concern.

"Going to other towns, trying to figure out what to do," Edmund replied.

"On one condition please," Goata said, taking a deep breath, "take Beth with you. After saving her, she will be all alone and we both know you need a company."

Goata's eyes flicked a fire that Edmund had once see in Aslan's eyes.

"And keep her safe," the thin woman said, "please."

"I promise."

"There's a back door here," Goata gestured Edmund to follow him, "can you save her on your own?"

Edmund nodded.

Goata gave him a fatherly hug that Edmund hadn't received for years, he fought back the memories of home and shrugged off the thin man.

"You look like my son, my lord," Goata rubbed Edmund's head.

"What happened to him?" Edmund asked curiously.

"Nizal's man killed him."

Edmund nodded grimly and headed into the night. It was a starry night with stars twinkling above, Edmund remembered her sitting on his laps, gazing up at the skies...Edmund sighed and hurried to the mansion.

Edmund climbed up the building, he found Beth sitting on the bed of the first floor, crying with her face in her hand. He broke the window knob with his sword hilt.

"Ed? Edmund?"

"Hey," Edmund hushed her gently as she flung her arms around him, sobbing in his shoulder, "It's all right."

"I thought you wouldn't come back-" her body was shaking.

"I promised, right?" Edmund smiled at her faintly, "come on, let's get you out of here."

Edmund noticed the chain on her leg, he hit it hard with the blade and after struggling for about fifteen minutes, Bet broke free.

Edmund helped Beth got down, but he knew something was wrong. It was too easy...

When their feet hit the ground, they heard someone shouted,

"Guards!"

Edmund looked at the mansion, soldiers were pointing crossbows at them, there was no way escaping.

Beth was panting, Edmund's sword was out.

Instead of being stabbed by arrows, a man was shot in the third floor, Edmund looked around, a hooded figure was shooting arrows at the mansion. Her skills resembled Susan's...

"Here!" she shouted...it was a she...it was_ she. _


	22. Chapter 22

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty-Two

Edmund's feet had stopped him from following that hooded figure, but Beth dragged his hand hard and with rains of arrows missing on all the way, they escaped from the troops.

"Don't stop!" Her voice came ringing in his head, "as long as we are out of the town, Nizal's men can't be after us."

"Why?"

"Because I know the woods and they don't," Her voice was strong and familiar.

"I mean why do you help us?" Edmund asked as running.

Preferring not to answer, Natasha ran fast. Edmund felt like slowing down. He glanced at Beth, whose long dress was definitely a trouble, was panting with pale face.

"Go—go now, I'll-ll just-st slo-w-w you d-d-down," she mumbled.

"Don't be silly," Edmund carried her in his arms and kept running, they occasionally heard men shouting. But soon, they were out of the Haza and Natasha brought them up to a slope.

"We'll be safe here," she panted.

Edmund put Beth down against the tree trunk, he put a strand of Beth's golden hair to the back of her ear.

"Rest now," Edmund mumbled, he looked at Natasha again. Nothing changed about her, maybe a bit troubled, but she was beautiful even with sweat dripping down her forehead.

"Long time no see," she said, eyes remained crystal and clear, "Edmund."

"What do you want?"

"I just want to apologize," she muttered, "and I love you, Edmund, I-"

"I don't."

The fire was cracking between them. Natasha carefully kept a distance with Edmund.

"Feeling better?" Edmund wiped the water on the corner of Beth's lips, who blushed. Natasha knew these woods and she found them something to eat and drink. She seemed to have stored some food in the woods.

Beth nodded as Edmund tightened his arm around her. He glanced at Natasha who was looking at them uneasily.

"I can't believe I got out of Haza," Beth sighed, "it's my first time."

"Don't worry," Edmund comforted her, he carefully looking at Natasha's face. It was like...whatever it was, Edmund was enjoying the scene as Natasha breathed heavily, almost in pain...he knew what he needed to do now...

"It's going to be all right," Edmund said to Beth, looking into her eyes. He slowly leaned in, watching Natasha in the corner of his eyes.

Beth's lips were full and rich, Edmund kissed her tenderly, almost in a formal and hesitating way. It was different, it didn't bring happiness to him like the way Nat...but he liked it, especially when Natasha was wincing. Gulping. Looking away. Burning in pain.

Edmund pulled back, noticed Beth was blushing, didn't really matter though. She smiled shyly at him, Edmund pecked her nose and made her giggle. He leaned his back to the tree trunk, pulling Beth on his laps and smiled satisfyingly at Natasha, who looked like someone vomited at her face.

"Hi, I'm Beth," Beth reached out to shake Natasha's hand innocently, "thanks for saving me."

"I'm not doing it for you," Natasha shrugged, Beth lowered her hand uncomfortably as Natasha didn't look at her again.

Edmund snuggled closer to Beth, putting his hand on her waist and head on her shoulder. Natasha looked as though she was going to faint.

"Come on, darling, you should sleep," Edmund urged, "Natasha will take the first watch."

"Thanks," Beth smiled at Natasha, "but where are we going to go now? Nizal will search for me until me he finds me, and he knew about you now..."she trailed off.

"He always knew about him," Natasha added, "he's the Just."

Beth gasped, "What? Edmund? You're th-th-the Just?"

Edmund looked at Natasha again before kissing Beth softly, cupping her face in his hand, "Yes, but doesn't matter."

Beth blushed again as leaning on his chest. Edmund just looked at Natasha.

Soon, Beth went to sleep, Edmund kept her close, it was like putting on a show. A show especially for Natasha.

"I'm sorry, Edmund," Natasha said when the fire cracked.

"Are you going to report to the Witch where I am now?" Edmund asked, stroking Beth's soft hair.

"No, nor I ever will," Natasha breathed, "I won't ever do that again, I...she's got my sister."

"Another perfect story."

"I never lied when I said I love you," Natasha said, "I love you, I really do."

"What do you want to do now then? Have me back?" Edmund snorted.

"I wish to help...I found Leif in secret and he said you might be in the Bay City. I was looking for you in every town and I gave you the food, I knew you probably didn't want to see me..."

"I still don't want to," Edmund said, "do you know what I want?"

Natasha stared.

"Natasha," he said, "I want to do as much damage to you as I can, and I want to hurt you as much as you did when you betrayed. Not by physical force, no point hurting your gorgeous but poisonous face, but just the tenderest part of you. The part that I once gave to you. "

"By using an innocent girl?" Natasha glared.

"You taught me no one is innocent," Edmund knew, from the depth of his heart, that Beth was nothing but pure, but he saw the hurt and pain in Natasha's eyes, and nothing, no one mattered then.

"I love you," she mumbled.

"I loved you too," Edmund sighed, "but too bad that I hate you now."

"Everything happened, everything I felt was real," she said in a whisper, "I know I've hurt you, and there's nothing I can do to undo the damage. But Edmund, tell me, you feel something, more than hatred, right? No matter how little you feel, please, hold on to that, for I will never stop loving you."

"You've stopped it for a long time, the moment you walked, you crushed everything between us."

"Ed..." Edmund saw tears on her face, he felt...he felt all right.

"Let me make it up to you," she said, "anything."

"Can't you see?" Edmund said, kissing the top of Beth's head, "I've got everything I need now."

Hopelessness. Hatred. Desperateness. And tears were burning in Natasha's eyes. She hugged her knees, tears were streaming down.

For a moment, Edmund wanted to take back what he had said, but it wasn't necessary. He just sat there and watched Natasha cry. It was...Edmund ignored that tiny part of him that was aching.

Edmund Pevensie—this was what you wanted, you hurt her. Wasn't that enough?

Edmund knew he should never use Beth to hurt anyone, but then, he knew he would try to love Beth.

Beth...Natasha...Beth...

Beth should be his tropical storm now, Natasha was just some cloud that floated past in the sky, watching with jealousy, with the truth that she would always just be a cloud somewhere untouchable.

Natasha was weeping like an old woman, but little did Edmund knew that part of him was sobbing like a coward too.

**_Beth or Natasha? _**

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	23. Chapter 23

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty-Three

The woods were charming, Edmund couldn't keep his eyes on them though.

They were walking in the woods in Natasha's lead, she promised she was never going to bring them to the White Witch, nor she was going to lead the White Witch's army here. She was walking ahead of them in the woods as Edmund holding Beth's hand at the back.

They were going to Arrc, the town next to Haza, Edmund had no idea where they were going, but as travelling, he knew he would have found something, or someone who could help him to figure out what to do.

Natasha was quiet, she didn't b other to talk to him or Beth, though Beth did make an effort to speak to Natasha nicely. Edmund tried to keep that in mind, that Beth was always nice, and sweet, and gentle, while Natasha was the opposite.

"Are we there yet?" Edmund asked at noon, shielding his eyes with his hand.

"Almost," Natasha said in a whisper. Edmund looked at her back, noticed the bare skin of her neck that he once kissed. Whenever he looked at her, the weight of her sitting on his laps and laughing like she didn't have a care in the world just came to Edmund, he was too tired to fight this feeling.

"Don't be impatient, Ed," Beth reminded him gently, squeezing his hand, "she must be tired. How can someone be so nice? She saved us and insisted helping us." she sighed.

If only you knew what she had done before, Edmund thought darkly, "I," Edmund paused, "I don't know."

The town came into focus soon, Edmund pulled the hood over his head and under Natasha's lead, they went into the city. There were wanted posters with Edmund and Beth's faces on the walls. Arrc was a town like Haza, only gloomier.

"They're looking for us," Beth mumbled.

"They won't find us," Edmund assured her.

"I don't think we should stay here," Natasha said to them, glancing around uneasily, "apparently everyone is looking for you, I think we should go to-"

"Don't lecture," Edmund snapped, Beth stared at him in awe, "I don't know where to go."

"Go to the Ancient Shield, they are going to help you," Beth suggested, Edmund had told her everything about Ancient Shield the previous night.

"I am not the right person," Edmund repeated again, looking around tensely. He had a feeling that people were staring at them, "Let's move, no point standing in the middle of the street."

Without knowing what to do, they agreed to head to the edge to the town. Edmund didn't know what he was looking for, yet he was just...he just didn't know what to do.

Everything was fine until they were walking in end of the street, a man was clutching a young woman's arm, shouting.

"This is my property!" he yelled at the other young man, "she is mine and you know what? You want her, come and get her! Fight me! I'm this town's general! Disobey me meaning disobey the Queen Jadis! Want to try that?"

The young man's hand was trembling, yet he picked up a sword. The beefy general pulled out his sword, pushing the girl to the ground and launched at the young man. The young man, one third size of the man, jumped, escaped from the man's launch. He kept jumping here and there and the general was mad. Instead of keep fighting, he shouted,

"Guards! Seize him and bring him to the Witch!"

Edmund didn't hold back, he drew his sword and thrust it at the general, he jumped and kicked, elbowing him with the sword. The soldiers crushed at Edmund, but as a good swordsman he was, he couldn't possibly fight so many. There were at least thirty soldiers around him.

He escaped from a stab, and Natasha blocked a blade that was going to hit his face. Okay, two against thirty.

"Surrender!" a soldier yelled, "someone go and fetch Lord Nizal, it's the Just King!"

And they started fighting. Edmund was soaked with his sweats and the soldiers' attack never ended. He glanced at Natasha, whose arm was injured, was fighting hard. He reached out to help her, yet it was impossible to shoulder his way to her in the crowd.

"For the Just King!" Edmund heard someone yelled, "and Narnia!"

Edmund turned, he found people, farmers, fishers, merchants, woman with apron and barkers, stood not far away from him, holding frying pans, axes, walking sticks and umbrellas, they glared at Nizal's soldiers and launched attack.

The small battle ended swiftly, the soldiers were crawling home and there were cheering of victory. Beth hugged him, Edmund smiled at her weakly. He looked around, wanting to get out of here as people were giving him hopeful and grateful looks. His eyes were, however, looking for someone else.

Natasha was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, face was paler than usual. Edmund's heart skipped a beat as seeing her clutching her stomach. He raced to her, shouldering through the crowd.

"It's okay," Natasha mumbled, eyes were weak, "you're happy now, right?"

"Shut up," Edmund hushed her and picked her up from the floor, "fetch the healer!"

"Please come in here," the young man who the general threatened said quickly, opening the door of his small house. Edmund strode in, putting Natasha 0n the bed. She was panting, grasping for breath.

"The healers are coming," someone told him.

"Show me the wound," Edmund urged, taking away Natasha's hand on her stomach, "It's all right, easy woun. I'm sure you'll be recovered in no time."

Natasha nodded though Edmund was expecting a smile.

"Sire," the young man said, "thank you. Thank you for everything."

"I'm not the hero you're looking for, we're just passing by," Edmund informed the crowd in the house. Again, everyone was looking at him expectedly.

"But no way! We've waiting..."

"...please stay..."

"I'm sorry, but we're leaving as soon as Natasha recovers," Edmund said firmly.

"What about us?" Someone asked.

"You started a fight here, sire," the young man said, "You can't leave us now, or Nizal is going to kill every single living person here!"

"He's right, Ed," Beth said, "Nizal will do that."

"His army will arrive here by night time!" the young man said emotionally, "and we will all be dead."

Edmund didn't speak for a long time and when he sighed, glancing at Natasha who didn't look at him, "Send thirty to the edge of the town, keep watching and inform me if you've seen anyone. I need every man and woman who can fight, arm yourself with weapons. Frying pans, swords, umbrellas, anything at all. I want all the young and kids be sent to somewhere safe. Get someone in charge of the watchman and someone in charge the children's safety. Send a pack of strong men to take over the general's place now and prison the Nizal's army to the cells, get someone guard them. I need a few skilled people to sneak out of town and inform the Ancient Shield."

People hurried to the jobs at once, they went to the edge of town and were planning how to take over the general's place. Soon, only the young man, his girl,Beth, Natasha and Edmund were left. Edmund sat on the bed edge, not looking at Natasha.

"Sire, you've met the Ancient Shield?" the young man asked.

"Yes, what is your name?"

"I'm Harold and this is Diana," Harold introduced, "Have you seen my mother? Her name is Holly."

"Yes, she is safe, I've never known she has a son," Edmund replied.

"Difficult time, we all keep secret of our own," Harold said, "But you've come and you led us to fight!"

"I don't know," Edmund said.

"Maybe it's time," Edmund heard Natasha, "your time has come."

"You don't know anything about my time coming or not," Edmund snapped.

"Maybe it's you who don't know," Natasha said, "you've been blinded by guilt. That's what the White Witch wants, and you're fulfilling her wish!"

"You two should talk," Beth smiled faintly, "I'll wait for you outside."

Harold and Diana left too. Just Edmund and Natasha, as it had been.

"This is not something you can run away from, Edmund," Natasha said, staring at her toes on the bed.

"You don't know me," Edmund said, "and don't pretend you do."

"The prophecy is happening in Narnia now, can't you see the woods just now in the morning? The trees and the grasses are blossoming with colours. Spring is coming back because of you."

"You left that day and you didn't see the wounds and deaths," Edmund spat, glaring at her, "there are lots of people died because of you. And me!"

"You think I wanted that to happen?" Natasha said shakily, "I..."

"You obviously wanted it to happen," Edmund said, standing up to leave.

"If I didn't do that, if I didn't betray you," Natasha whispered, "My sister, and the whole of town Yena, my home town, along the good and the bad ones, will be killed."

Edmund looked at her, pulled the blanket over her body, he fought the sudden urge to hug her.

"Rest now, we'll talk about other things later."


	24. Chapter 24

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty-Four

Edmund was standing at the general's balcony, gazing out in the cool night.

The people in Arrc insisted him staying in the general's house after sending Nizal's men to the cells. Harold and Diana went back to Haza to seek help from the Ancient Shield. Natasha insisted staying at Harold's and Beth was downstairs, taking a bath.

Edmund had been trying to run away from wars and battles, Susan said wars were ugly affairs. Yet now, as the winter breeze came sweeping his face, Edmund started a war single-handed. He never meant this to happen, but somehow, wars were meant to happen with his presence. As much as he was running away from wars, wars came to find him, leaving him not choice but to fight—fight against himself, against his guilt, against the White Witch and against the darkest, deepest part of his soul.

He thought of his people back in the Flatteren Woods, wondered what Leif and Claus were doing, wondered if Jasire, the young centaur, had forgiven him, wondered if his siblings were safe, wondered if Lucy was still keeping the faith that Aslan would come to help.

His wondering stopped as someone hug him from behind and kissed his back, for a moment, he had hoped that it was Natasha. But as he looked at Beth's brilliant, faithful green eyes, he cursed himself for wanting to be with someone else.

Beth smelled like rose, her blonde hair was wet and damp, matting to her forehead. Edmund smiled weakly, stroking her face.

"Hey," he mumbled, pulling her into his arms.

"Hey," Beth said quietly, "I know I am not a swords-woman like Natasha, but I still hope to help. I feel..so useless, bringing so many trouble to you and doing nothing."

"You've done a lot," Edmund comforted her, "You've been with me, that's enough."

"Thanks Edmund," Edmund heard her mumbled, "Thanks for trying to fight. No one will regret following you."

Edmund nodded. He talked to Beth about his plan and his predication of the Witch's next move. Beth, didn't know much about wars herself, listened patiently. Edmund was walking back and fro as talking. At midnight when the moon was high in the icy sky, Edmund glanced at Beth and found her sleeping with her head against the wall.

Edmund sighed, maybe he had spoken too much. Too boring in fact.

Edmund carried Beth to his bed, pulling the cover over her body. His mind traced back to the night at the bear's cave, when Natasha was sleeping peacefully. Was she acting that? That act, that brilliant act, somehow ached Edmund deeper than he knew.

Edmund knew part of him would always remain with Natasha no matter how hard he tried to deny or fight it. He was sick of it. When he looked at Beth and how he used her as a weapon to torture Natasha...well, he supposed he should feel happy and victorious...but his heart told him otherwise.

Sleeping was not an option tonight. Edmund pulled the cape over his shoulder, hooding his head and walked out of the general's mansion. The snowy town was queer at night. As much as Edmund didn't want to admit, the night was not as cold as before and snow became less thick on the ground. Was it all because of him? Was it all because of him being the king the prophecy mentioned?

It pained Edmund to think about it, so he had chosen to ignore that tiny little voice kept saying he was the one in the prophecy and kept striding in the frozen night.

His legs stopped at a familiar house, and it was then he realised he was standing at Harold's door. Edmund peaked in from the window, it was dark, he didn't fail to notice Natasha's face on the bed. She was breathing heavily, mouth was muttering something.

Edmund didn't want to go in, but his body wasn't under his control, he opened the door.

"No...leave her alone, please," came Natasha's panting voice, "kill me, please, kill me instead."

Edmund frowned as sitting on the edge of her bed, her face twisted to something painful. Edmund saw water on her cheeks, tears or sweats, he couldn't tell.

"Please Jadis, don't kill Natalie," she pleaded in her dream, "don't...not Edmund too. Me, take me."

Natalie? Edmund saw Natasha's hand clutching the blanket, more tears fell down. Her breathing was heavy for some reason, so was Edmund.

Just like that. For a long time of fighting and doubting, hating and loving. Edmund wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the bed, to wrap his arms around her and sleep. Not shagging, like those in the pornographic books back in London. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase.

But Edmund lacked the courage and part of him still hated her, for her betrayal, for her hurting him, even for, as Edmund stroked her cheek, for her gorgeous face. He was hopelessly guilty about the past while she tried to make it up to him, and he was the fire while she was the rain, she was meant to catch him off guard, destroy all him even.

So Edmund collapsed to the icy floor, listening to her breathing and sometimes pleading. He wanted to walk away, but he couldn't, wondering if there was an invisible rope that bind them together...or maybe the rope wasn't invisible, it was just Edmund didn't want to admit the existence of it. The rope, by the name of love, was something, Edmund now realised,something that encircled Natasha's life, and his life, along with hatred and betrayal.

"Not Edmund, please, not him," Edmund heard Natasha's whisper in a hurt voice.

Edmund brought his hand to his eyes wearily and leaned back, fighting the urge to look at her face. He didn't know why he couldn't just leave here and go back to Beth, who would give him anything he needed and wanted. He couldn't stay away. He wondered if he would find someone like Natasha in his life again. Maybe someone like her, or someone...he had Beth.

"Edmund?" Edmund thought Natasha's pleading had woken him again in the long night, yet this voice was gentle and wasn't sobbing-like.

"Edmund? It's cold on the floor," she said again. Opening his eyes, Edmund felt a sudden sharp pain on his back and neck as he got up. One of the many bad things about sleeping here on the floor.

Natasha was sitting on the bed, looking at him uncertainly. The morning pale light gleamed into the room through the broken window, shining on Natasha's face. She had obviously wiped off the tears and sweat.

"Morning," Edmund mumbled, he would pay anything to get out of this room at once, even his golden chess set which he adored. He looked at Natasha, knowing what she was going to ask.

"You were here last night, weren't you?" Her voice was demanding, "Where were you doing here?"

Watching you, "I don't know," Edmund replied, "I was just probably sorry that you were hurt. Because of me, you know, I started the battle yesterday."

"You were here because you cared, and you still do," Natasha whispered, "I am right, ain't I?"

"You're wrong, I don't love you. I'm with Beth," He said stonily, "she must be waiting. I need to go."

"Edmund..."

"Don't pretend you know about me, everything we had before are lies," Edmund spat, "just stories that you made up."

"I'm sorry for hurting you," Natasha said, "but I'm not ever going to ask you to forgive me again, because I have already did. You don't want to forgive me, or talk to me ever again, and that's fine with me. You've made your choice and I've made mine. Ask? I did. Plead? I did. I even begged you to forgive me, and you said you're with Beth. Go and be with her now. Don't even bother to care about me ever again."

Each of her words were like knifes and daggers, stabbing into Edmund's body. Edmund barely knew he was walking when the cold morning wind greeted him. The town was empty. Good. Edmund was alone with his thoughts...or maybe he had always been alone. Just him. Natasha...

She was gale while Edmund was the dust that was blown by her. Tiny. Unnoticed. Unvalued.

The name Natasha sounded like a stranger now...a stranger whom Edmund had adored, someone who didn't care about him...He supposed he had to face the truth that he could never be with her. Because of him. Because of her. Because of the deep magic that was even more powerful than Aslan and the White Witch.

"HAZA WON!" The loud cheering shaken Edmund from his thoughts. He looked up, found people surrounding him. When did these people come back to the empty town? Was he just too lost in his thoughts?

"HAZA WON! LONG LIVE KING EDMUND!"

Edmund merely noticed when they were cheering for him. Someone hugged him, someone kissed his cheeks.

"What happened?" Edmund asked weakly.

"Once Haze knew the news about us taking over Arrc, they rose a riot and soon turned to a battle. The Ancient Shield won! Nizal and his men are prisoned. We'll soon be able to take over the Bay City!" A man informed him, cheering.

Edmund smiled, walking back to the general's house. Beth needed to know this news. As he walked, he saw Natasha standing in the door way, mouthing,

"This is what I'm worrying about."

Edmund chose to ignore her though.

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**_This is my favorite chapter. _**

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	25. Chapter 25

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty Five

Haza was taken over by the Ancient Shield for the third day, yet the cheerful atmosphere was still in the air. Everyone was smiling and hugging each other, Beth was so happy Nizal was captured that she allowed herself to drink a mug of beer, collapsed right in Edmund's arm right after one tip. Edmund brought her to his room, pulling the blanket over her shoulders before going back to the colourful town square.

Edmund had tried to ask the people to keep it down, but no one listened as music was played all over the place, people were coming here and there in the two towns. The men were excitedly talking about getting the next town and some praised Edmund for his lead. Edmund didn't remember himself doing anything for them though. He saw Harold and Holly along with Diana back in Arrc by twilight. Fireworks could be seen in the distanced Haza, booming in the sky.

Edmund sighed, drinking his beer, maybe it was all right to relax for a day, after all, these men and women deserved some happiness.

Only one person wasn't enjoying all these, and Edmund knew he shouldn't be caring about this person.

She was sitting in the corner while people were dancing, clapping in the centre of the square. She pull the loosen strand of hair to the back of her ear, Edmund gulped as he found himself staring at her, and her moves, and the brown hair on her neck, and the colour on her cheeks.

The distance between was far, yet close. Edmund remembered every word she said to him, and he promised himself that he was going to guard his heart. Try to anyway.

Slow music filled the square at last and people were dancing with their partner slowly, elegantly. Edmund couldn't help imagine what it would feel like to dance...he was going to find out.

Edmund put down his mug of beer and before the alcohol fully affected him, he walked to Natasha, found her face was stern, not slightly infected by the cheerful atmosphere.

"Dance with me," Edmund said, tried to sound it in a polite way but failed. All those time Lucy and Susan taught him about girls were useless, and all those time Peter taught him to be a gentleman was drifting away. Little by little. All left was her.

"No," Edmund was refused.  
"Come on," Edmund urged, remembering what she said three days ago, "prove to me that you don't care about me."

"I don't," Natasha said as Edmund offered his hand, "Go back to Beth. She needs someone strong for her."

"She's sleeping," Edmund replied.

"Oh I see," Natasha looked at him with coldly, "the Just King is bored because his girl is sleeping. Maybe you should go and find another royal blonde to solve your mystery. I'm sure girls in this town would love to help their hero."

"I want to dance with you," Edmund said stonily, "I might consider forgiving you after the dance."

Instantly, Edmund knew he said the wrong thing. Natasha glared at him and shot up, whispered in his ear, "Sorry to disappoint you, I'm never going to ask you for your forgiveness, Just King. I've already shown you the reason why I did that, and believe it or not, it's my turn now to hate you, cause you don't know what you've done."

"Show me," Edmund said, grabbing her arm before she walked away. Edmund found himself being glared at. There was a flame in Natasha's eyes that he hated, yet adored. He guided her to the centre of the square. She was weak in his drag.

Edmund didn't know what answer he was looking for, but for the moment, he only wanted to dance with her. In the night when the sky was filled with stars. On the floor that was once covered with snow. In the crowd that was cheering, trusting him for the wrong reason. With the girl who the Just King had once loved.

With the girl who hated him.

Edmund slid his hand to her waist, cursing himself for thinking she was stunning with flame's reflection on her rosy cheeks. Her face was stern, glaring. Edmund started moving.

"Do you know why I want to dance with you?" Edmund asked, got the impression that if she was stronger than him, she would have run out of the square without a backward glance. Leaving him stunned. Just like before.

"What do you think of that reason yourself?" Natasha asked, piercing him with her blue eyes.

"I think," Edmund said, "I think we should...both of us are warriors, we re in the same boat now—that doesn't mean I like you though. You hurt me despite anything."

"You're wrong about yourself," Natasha stated in a confident that he had once see back in his house, on the bed when she spoke like she knew about his guilt. That seemed a lot time ago.

"How so?"

"You want to prove to yourself, that you're still hating me. You want to test how far you can go when you're with me. You want to know how much would it hurt to be close to me again. You won't face the truth that.-"

"That I'm still in love with you?" Edmund chuckled, "a brilliant thinking. Keep that up. Keep acting like you know. I love it when your words are not fitting the reality, the cruel reality that I don't need to prove to anyone about my hatred towards you, Nat. You love me and you cannot help it. Admit it, you want me more than you think you do. You think you hate me, but deep down, you know part of you is still hungering for me."

Edmund pulled her closer, feeling her even breathing. The thousand voices were yelling in Edmund's head that what Natasha said about him was wrong. All those taunting he said just now were just shield, sheltering the deepest, weakest part of him. The part that Natasha knew well. Too well in fact.

"Taunting doesn't hurt me, Ed," Natasha whispered in his ear, "you're just weak. Don't deny it, you love me and you don't want to admit, it's you who can not get over me. Not me, not anyone. You've put on an amazing mask by using Beth. This trick doesn't work for me though, I'm trained to see through lies."

"What were you worrying about?" Edmund asked, changing the subject, "I saw you mouthing at me yesterday."

"Yena is going to be destroyed, so is everyone in it. My sister. My childhood friends," Natasha said in an emotionless voice, "it's all because of you."

"Because of me again?" Edmund said in a weary tone, feeling her body against him, "whenever someone dies, it all relates to me, right?"

"Haza won its victory, Arrc is independent. The Witch is not going to be happy and she will launch it out on someone. She knew it would be me and she would kill everyone I love as promised. It's all because of you. Natalie, she's just eleven. Yena...I grew up there before Caspian trained me. A beautiful place. Mountains are high and there are lakes. I could swim in there for hours, and the bakeries, and the libraries. There was an orphanage too. I grew up there. All will be destroyed," her voice was cold, almost like ice dagger.

"I won't let that happen," Edmund promised, not for her but purely his people.

"Keep saying that and do nothing, that's what you are good at," Natasha leaned her head on his shoulder, hand was stroking Edmund's hair. Softly. Gently. It was like they were still together.

"We'll take over Yena sooner than you think," Edmund said, taking in her scent and the warmth of her skin against his. For a moment, he wished they could just stay like this. Music came pouring in the square, the weather was getting warmer and warmer. It was like they had victory.

"You should go and meet the high king after taking over Bay City," Natasha said, "he needs you and all the army there, the Ancient Shield will take care of the things here. Take Beth with you."

"I will," Edmund nodded, taking the loosen hair on her bare neck to her back, "and you will go with me."

"Because you can't survive anywhere without me, right?"

"Dream on," Edmund knew the answer was yes, "you know about the Witch and Peter should know that too. You have to meet them, my siblings I mean."

"Okay," Edmund tightened his arms around her waist.

The first song ended and the second came, slowly and softly. Edmund suddenly remembered how Natasha brushed her lips against his, how her hands were held in his large ones, how she slept peacefully in his arms, how he had never wanted to let her go again.

Edmund didn't even like her now, her scent smelt stinky, her skin was burning—he wished he could pull away. Her eyes, now Edmund realised, were cracking and ugly. Her lips were nothing like Beth's.

She was nothing but an old trouble.

"Just King," it took Edmund a moment to notice people were calling him, he pulled away from Natasha, feeling the cold breezes replaced her warm body. Natasha stared at the watchman captain, who panted from running.

"The White Witch is miles away, she demands a meeting. Face to face with you alone," Captain said, "or she is going to crush the city by force."

"How many people are there?" Edmund asked frowned.

"A couple of Minotaurs and werewolves," the watchman said, "also some black dwarves."

"Edmund looked at the colourful square, people didn't know about this. Still cheering and dancing.

"You know you have to go," Natasha said, not slightly worried about him. Edmund should have expected that.

"I don't need you to tell me that," Edmund said in a rather gentle voice.

Natasha shrugged, "she is waiting, isn't it?"

"Yes," captain said, "please. We must be hurry."

Edmund nodded, following the watchman. He was half way to the edge of town before he realised Natasha was tailing him.

"She demands a meeting alone," Edmund said as they were getting away from the crowd and the noise.

"I know," Natasha said, "not that I will listen though."

"Right," Edmund said, hating Natasha, risking her life, to go to an unknown meeting with him.

**_I sincerely hope that you will review. _**


	26. Chapter 26

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty Six

It was supposed to be a flawless night. Beth was gone to bed and Edmund had had Natasha in his arms. When did Beth become a trouble, or a burden even? Shaking his head, Edmund knew he should focus, he was meeting the White Witch.

The watchman pointed the path to him in the dark and pulling the hood over his head, Edmund started the walking. Natasha was following him. Edmund knew the Witch might kill him, no, the Witch would kill him if she had the chance. He wondered if he should just knock Natasha out and avoid her from going along with him.

Well, Natasha might be killed by the Witch too. Due to the hatred Edmund bore, Natasha's death didn't sound too horrible—just hollow. Maybe Edmund really didn't care about her, all he was feeling was...He was probably just grateful that she used her life to defend for Yena. That was all between, one was grateful to her because of his people, and one who hated him for...Edmund didn't know.

He heard her sneezed. Forcing himself not to glance back, Edmund kept walking to saw a tent not far away. He strode faster, he heard the Minotaur roared and the werewolves howled.

"I am meeting the Witch. Those do not wish to die, step aside." Edmund's hand was on his sword hilt.

"The Queen is waiting in the tent," a werewolf said, teeth bared.

Edmund started walking into the tents, the dark creatures were roaring unfriendly.

"This one stays with us," a minotaur instructed, pointing at Natasha, who glared.

"Stay here," Edmund said.

"Edmund," Natasha called, "you do hate me for hurting. So stay _alive_ to take revenge on me."

Edmund waved his hand impatiently. To him, it sounded like Natasha asked him to take care. Edmund, inhaling deeply, entered the tent.

Jadis was sitting in an arm chair, fingers were marvelling on the staff that Edmund once crushed. She smiled at him warmly and gesture the chair in front of him.

"Lovely to see you, alive and recovered, Edmund."

Edmund took the seat, eyes were cautious.

"What do you want?" Edmund demanded.

"You're," Jadis paused, "stronger than I thought. I thought I was going to crush you. By using, you know, Natasha."

"Sorry to disappoint you for that," Edmund spat.

"That girl betrayed me," Jadis said softly, "she's with you now,right? Whole-heartedly, honestly, right? Well, send her a message for me, won't you? Natalie is prisoned now along with your beloved professor—beaten and hurt. She has to bear the consequence of switching from my side to yours. Even though she is with you now, she's still mine. All traitors are belonged to me, you knew that well."

"What do you want?" Edmund asked again.

"I just want her," Jadis said, "I want my criminal. It's said in the deep magic that I can have their lives. Don't try what Aslan did to you, Edmund. I just want her blood be spilled."

"Sorry, can't do that," Edmund said stonily.

"Or," The Witch said, "I can offer you another choice. A better one, Edmund. You go back to your world with Natasha, start everything over again. You know you are not the one in the prophecy, you don't want to be that person. Just go back and you will have a blessed future with your love one. I promise not to hurt your siblings. I will just send them back. For the Telmarine King, I will just keep him to be my prisoner, that's all. You can take Natalie with you too. A happy family."

It was probably the most tempting offer Edmund had ever heard. He tried not to imagine a life with Natasha in London. Jadis stood up and was circling him, her staff was tapping Edmund's shoulder.

"Don't need to tell me now, maybe just some pictures of your future first," she whispered in a low voice. Edmund wanted to say no, but somehow, he couldn't move. The Witch's hand was covering his eyes, everything was in black all in a sudden.

When Edmund opened his eyes again, he was lying on a huge bed in room as big as a library with books piling on the walls. The desk was no far away and the blanket was white and clean. He was back in London, nothing seemed to matte anymore.

Edmund didn't have to stay with Aunt Alberta or his siblings. Peter wasn't going to Professor Kirke's, Susan wasn't going to America. Mr Pevensie somehow came back from the war and his entire family was living not far away from him.

Edmund tried to sit up, but he realised someone was sleeping next to him. Her bed hair was messy, Edmund found her eyes were opened. She smiled at him and leaned in, kissed him softly.

"Morning gorgeous," Natasha said. She was dressing in the most expensive sleeping robe in London, Edmund pulled her close, feeling her silky skin. He had missed this.

"Morning," Edmund didn't want to ask any question. About the past, about how he got here, about why they stopped fighting.

"I still can't believe you won it," Natasha was chuckling.

"What?" Edmund was confused.

"The monthly lottery of course! Now we can just stay together without worrying anything about money and we should probably get a pet," Natasha said, "I'd love to get a dog."

"A dog?"Edmund frowned, looking at her beautiful face, "maybe a bird too. And a cat."

"Natalie doesn't like bird," Natasha peeked his nose, "I told you that yesterday!"

"Did you?" Edmund smiled, "what about a...I don't know, a tiger?"

Natasha laughed, "Very funny. Perhaps a lion as well."

A lion...did Edmund know any lion? The answer probably was not. He didn't remember meeting one. Did someone named Aslan meet him before? Didn't matter though.

The door was swung open, a girl about ten or eleven came hopping in, waving a paper in her hand. She had similar features as Natasha, but with honey coloured hair and brown eyes.

"Wake up, love birds!" she screamed, Edmund couldn't help smile.

"I told you to knock, Natalie!" Natasha moaned.

Natalie ignored her and jumped to the bed, sitting between them.

"Edmund you promised to go to the painting price presentation! It's nearly time!"

"There're still five hours to go," Natasha said, kissing Natalie's forehead.

Edmund chuckled, "What did you draw? Show me."

Natalie showed him a picture of a lion with golden mane and eyes.

When Aslan shakes his mane...when he bares his teeth...these seemed far away. Who the heck was Aslan anyway? Maybe just someone troublesome.

"No-" Edmund moaned as the wonderful scene changed around him. The temporary moment of peace in his heart seemed to be gone as well. Rubbing his eyes, Edmund found himself sitting in front of a fireplace at night. It was snowing outside. Someone was in his arms, resting on him and was reading a book.

Edmund took in the familiar smell of her burnett hair, feeling her chuckled.

"Merry Christmas Edmund," Edmund heard Natasha mumbled.

"It's been a wonderful one," Edmund replied, kissing the top of her head.

"Good that we own the house to ourselves this Christmas, but I missed Natalie," Natasha said, sitting up on his laps to kiss him, "we should invite Lucy and Susan over. And Peter of course. You promised a dinner with them. Mr Pevensie said he would cook the Christmas dinner himself. I can't wait."

Edmund chuckled. Yeah, he remembered that he father was very good at cooking.

Edmund glanced at the tall window, it was snowing. Narnia used to snow too, and there was a witch. Narnia, where was that? Probably just some dreams he had—he had been dreaming too much. Titles like the Just and the Coach of the Western Woods sounded false.

"I love you Edmund," he heard Natasha said. It brought a wide smile to hear her. He hadn't heard it for a long time—why hadn't he heard it for a long time? Was he—he was with a girl called Beth, wasn't he? What was he doing with Natasha?  
Natasha? He hated her. What was he doing with her on his laps, peeking his lips?

Edmund, sitting on the couch with Natasha front of a roaring fireplace, felt as though someone was calling his name urgently. He felt someone was patting his shoulder, shaking him even. But nobody was spot around him. Just Natasha.

As Edmund looked closer, Natasha's face was twisting—she was not even beautiful—maybe Edmund was too tired—no she didn't look like Natasha—maybe it was too dark here—it felt like Natasha was calling his name. But Natasha was here, in his arms.

"Edmund Pevensie!"

It sounded like someone speaking to him with a muffled through a pillow.

His shoulders were shaken harder, feeling like someone was trying wake a dead man—a dead man—Edmund felt like a dead man.

Natasha's face looked ugly for a moment and the calling for him grew louder. Edmund wanted to ask her to shut up, but he didn't. Her voice felt like the only thing that was real.

Smack!

Someone slapped him right in the face. Edmund felt himself being squeezed into a small tube, his breathing was heavy and limbs were numb.

He was in a tent. Natasha was glaring at him, panting.

"What do you think you were doing, Pevensie?" She yelled. It was very noisy outside the tent. Shadows were dancing on the tents, reflected by the torches of fire. It was chaotic outsides. There were screaming and shrieking.

Edmund's head instantly jumping to the ruined, attacked Arrc.

"What happened?"

"You don't know?" Natasha was absolutely raged, "you came in here for a meeting with the Witch. The minotaurs were planning to kill me after you went it, but the trees. They are alive! It's not the legends! The trees are fighting against the dark creatures with us. I raced in when the trees were dealing with the army and found the witch raising a sword at you. You were like all blank, not knowing what was happening. I heard the roaring of a lion and the witch fled. I came to you, calling your name, shaking you. You didn't move until I slapped you, stupid."

"Bet you enjoyed that slap," Edmund muttered, feeling sense came back to his limbs and stood up,"we have to get out of here."  
Edmund ran out of the tent and found trees—not like those bland ones in the Narnian inhabitant, trees with green leaves and branches, were spanking the army. The Witch was nowhere to be seen.

"Retreat!" Edmund heard the mintaour shouted, "Retreat!"

Soon, the small battle was over with squirrels throwing nuts at the werewolves and mice throwing broken branches at them. The trees were dancing and roaring. Edmund had missed this. He couldn't help laughing along. He glanced at Natasha, she wasn't smiling.

"What did she say to you? Did you know anything about anyone I know?" She asked cautiously, "like people in Yena, and-"

"Natalie is prisoned," Edmund couldn't bear telling her that the witch wanted to kill her, that her life was belonged to the witch, "we'll save her."

She didn't speak, just walking back to Arrc.

It was then Edmund noticed the grass was green on the ground and flowers started blossoming. Edmund knew it wasn't time to run away, he knew he had to face the truth that it was him, the Just King, in the prophecy.


	27. Chapter 27

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty Seven

The news that the ancient Narnians were on their side spread in the two towns of Haza and Arrc like wild fire. People were gaining confidence and the news was soon reported back the Ancient Shield. Edmund knew it was time to go. He arranged everything with Goata, who was taking over the two towns as Edmund leaving. He, Beth and Natasha were at the edge of the Bay City when everyone were farewelling them.

The town people were cheering for him, eventually, the cheering faded as they headed to the wild woods. It looked so different back in the time when Edmund first arrived. There were flowers everywhere and the breeze, still chilly, was warmer.

Beth was enjoying their journey to the Flatteren Woods. A big smile was hanging on her face when they walked passed a meadow with endless pink flowers.

"Oh Edmund, I haven't seen anything like this for years!" Beth sighed as picking a flower, playing it in her hands, grinning.

Edmund took it from her and put it in her tidy blonde hair. She blushed as kissing Edmund's cheek. Edmund stole a glance at Natasha.

It had been a habit now. Whenever he was with Beth, he stole glance at Natasha, expecting her to see her jealous face. She did have a jealous face before he told her about Natalie. Now she was just all down and gloomy.  
Natasha on the other hand was—how should Edmund put it, not that she was unhappy, she was just lifeless. Edmund regretted telling her about Natalie, yet he couldn't see why he regretted it—after all, Edmund's greatest goal was to hurt Natasha in return. He wondered if everything about Natalie was a lie.

Edmund told Beth everything about their journey, only skipping out his history with Natasha, Beth just listened and was extremely patient. She fell asleep in Edmund's arms every night when Natasha was guarding. She didn't try to make conversation with him though Edmund had hoped that she would.

Three days of walking, they fed on breads given by the town people, and they arrived.

The Flatteren Woods were quiet, no one was guarding and the abnormal serene sickened Edmund's stomach. He inhaled deeply before going in, wishing for nothing but forgiveness.

"Natasha? Are you okay? You look pale," Beth asked, unaware of what happened here. A battle—a massacre that happened because of Edmund. Natasha shook her head, eyes were hollow as though she was looking at life after life being destroyed here.

"I'm not going in," Natasha said, "I'll wait for you here."

"Why?" Beth's innocence started to ignore Edmund.

"Go in with you," Edmund said, forcing her to face her guilt.

"NO," Natasha snarled, "I'm—I'll just wait here!"

Edmund ignored her and dragged her into the woods with him. Beth wasn't pleased about Edmund using force, but she didn't say anything. House were destroyed on the way to the center of the woods. There wasn't any people or centaurs.

"Stand there, strangers !" came a familiar howling voice. Edmund turned and found Claus' fangs were bared, glaring at him with his fellow wolves. Beth screamed, clutching Edmund's arm.

"Claus?"

Claus's expression softened, he looked at them, frowning.

"My lord?" His voice was shaken, he quickly bowed down, "Long live the King!"

"Rise, all of you," Edmund said quickly, "What's happening here?"

"There are only one thousand of us left and we all live in the centre of the woods now," Claus said, glancing at Natasha, "and it's all because of her!"

"She has her on reason," Edmund said, shaking his head as forbidding Claus from attacking her. Natasha didn't move, looking stern, "she's saving a town. Her sister is kidnapped."

"And she paid it with your trust and the lives of Narnians!"

"I'm sorry," Natasha said stonily, "I have to. I don't have a choice."

"Rubbish, you could always ask us for help," Claus spat.

"Jadis would know and she would kill my sister and everyone in my home town," Natasha said, Edmund didn't fail to hear the hopelessness in her voice, "I'm truly sorry. If you want to kill me, I will not protest or fight back. All I wish is my sister and people in Yena be saved."

"Lies," Claus said, "King Edmund, don't trust her."

"She saved me three times," Edmund assured Claus, "she's no eviller than me or you. Did the witch come back?"

"No," Claus replied, "the centaurs fought hard and are building everything. But we can not stay."

"Why?" Edmund frowned.

"A dwarf, Trumpkin is here," Claus said, "he said you would soon arrive, and he was to take you to the Aslan's howl. King Caspian and the High King have joined together, they are just waiting for your return."

"Peter and Caspian? Why would they wait for me? Oh no, not that theory again..." Edmund groaned, "take me to him."

When they walked in the centre of the woods, everyone was gazing at them. Everyone was glaring at Natasha and Jasire, the armed young centaur, wanted to charge at Natasha but stopped by his mother.

Edmund's people bowed at him, he didn't feel like he deserved it all.

"Rise, brave people of Narnia," Edmund said, facing them. Beth was amazed and Natasha looked gloom, "I'm so sorry for all those mistakes," he glanced at Natasha, "that I've made. I promise to be a better king. For the death ones. For the brave ones. It is not Natasha's fault," Edmund wondered if he really meant what he said about her, "her family is kidnapped, her town is threatened. She didn't have a choice."

"What about us!" Jasire shouted, "It's not fair. My father-"

Jarsire's mother covered his mouth, glaring at him.

Edmund sighed with regret, "Trumpkin?"

The dwarf with a familiar face came shouldering his way to the front. His honey coloured hair remained long and face was stern, he nodded at Edmund, who smiled as greeting an old friend.

"It's been a while,"Edmund said, "how are everyone? Lu, Sue, and Pete?"

"They are all right," Trumpkin said, "Queen Lucy has missed you."

"I've missed her too," Edmund said, missing Lucy's hilarious laughter, "why are you here?"

"I'm to bring you, and everyone in the Flatteren Woods, back to Aslan's how. The High King is waiting for your return, and they are going to strike the Witch. Everyone is ready, the spring is coming. Only a couple of days of walking "

"Why me?"

"You are the one in the prophecy," Trumpkin said, Edmund saw that coming.

Edmund looked at the crowd, they were giving them the look of expectation. Edmund knew they had to leave, he was just not ready to be "the one in the prophecy".

"Pack your belongings!" Edmund shouted, "we'll leave at dawn tomorrow."

People cheered, the cheering didn't stop until midnight fell and the woman centaurs came hurrying their sons and husbands to bed. The night was quiet, it remained Edmund how he and Natasha spent the night counting their stars above. That was before he knew Natasha was a traitor.

The Witch's voice was ringing in his head. Natasha's life belonged to hers. It scared Edmund at some point. He couldn't give Natasha back to the Witch, the witch had hurt her, forced her to be the person he hated, kidnapped her family. But then, the solid fact that Natasha wasn't his to care thrust him like a cold knife.

Beth was sleeping already, Edmund sat with his back on the tree trunk, remembering that morning when Natasha sat on his laps and told him she loved him. Edmund supposed part of her still did, whereas his …

"You're still doubting yourself, aren't you?" Edmund heard Natasha as she sat down next to him with two mugs of hot chocolate, handed one to him. Edmund's finger tips burnt hotter than the mug when her fingers brushed his.

"Wow, you actually care," Edmund said.

Weeks ago, they were so intimate that Edmund poured his heart out to her. So close that he was not slightly worrying about being hurt by her. Yet weeks later, it felt like the whole world changed around them. Darker. Worse.

Natasha shrugged, "Everyone trusts you."

"Do you?"

"Nope," her answer was sharp, so was her tone.

"Reasonable."

"I will not trust a king who doesn't trust himself," she said softly, "Give me your cape, I'm cold."

Edmund did. He saw her sipping the hot chocolate, wondering what was their relationship status. Friends? Enemy?

"I think," Edmund paused, staring into the dark night, "I think you shouldn't trust me. Of all people."

"In fact, trust shouldn't exist in our relationship, our," Natasha paused, "Partnership."

Her words were contrast to the hot chocolate he was holding now.

"Right," Edmund agreed.

"I think you're ready to be the King who will bring peace here again," Natasha winked at him.

"Maybe."

And the two of them sat here, watching the night until the first light came out. It was, somehow, more than peace to Edmund.


	28. Chapter 28

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty Eight

"I am King Edmund, the Just," Edmund drew his sword out at the safeguard in the edge of the Western Woods. The centaurs at his back bowed and drew their swords as well.

Trumpkin nodded to the faun who was guarding, he swiftly ran into the woods. Edmund nodded to Trumpkin and noticed Beth was shivering.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

"A bit nervous. I'm honestly going to meet the King and Queens of 1300 years ago," Beth whispered, gulping.

"You're already meeting one," Edmund chuckled, leaning in to kiss her.

"I'll try to calm down," Beth breathed, blushing. Edmund smiled at her.

"Edmund!"

He turned and was soon collapsed to the ground because someone with reddish hair was hugging him very hard. Before he could figure out her face, someone with raven hair shouted his name and was hugging him as well.

"It's wonderful to see you!" Lucy shouted and both Lucy and Susan kissed his cheek. Aslan knows how much he missed his siblings.

"I've missed you too," Edmund said, chuckling.

"What happened? Why couldn't you come through the mist? I heard the White Witch tried to kill you! Tell us everything!" Lucy urged.

"Let the man breathe," Edmund heard a mature voice and he saw Peter, kingly and brotherly, standing nearby and pulled him up from the ground. Instead of snow, his back was covered by leaves and debris.

Peter, more mature looking then their last met, pulled him in for a hug.

"We've been waiting," Caspian said, who hugged Edmund as well. He felt like home.

The centaurs and his fellow Narnians bowed at the old Kings and Queens, so did Beth. Natasha just stood there and looked at Edmund and his siblings sourly. Edmund wanted to hug her and tell her everything was just going to be okay, but he didn't.

"The Western Woods welcome you, my fellow Narnians, friends and family," Caspian said, "please treat here like your home before we claim ours."

The pack of Narnians, along with Lief and Claus , trooped into the woods with honour and pride. Edmund didn't feel the same though. Beth smiled at the Pevensie girls shyly.

"Everyone," Edmund said in the tent where the Pevensie siblings were sitting and talking with Caspian after settling everything, "this is Beth."

"Elizabeth, but call me Beth," Beth smiled weakly.

"Wow, Edmund, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" Lucy gasped as Edmund rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Lu."

"Beth you know what? You have to share a tent with Susan and me, you have to tell us everything," Lucy said, winking at Beth.

"I understand it if you wish to share the tent with Edmund," the Gentle Queen added helpfully and everyone laughed.

Beth was too nervous to react and sat there smiling.

"What about Natasha?" Peter asked, handing Edmund some water.

"She's fine," Edmund said shortly. He told them everything that happened since their depart, but again, he skipped the part about him and Natasha. Peter seemed to be eager to ask about Natasha.

Edmund didn't like it.

"Peter," Edmund said one last time, "Natasha is fine. She's just a bit upset."

"Why?" Peter frowned.

"Her sister is kidnapped by the White Witch, and also Professor Kirke," Edmund said, "I suppose a lot of Narnians are kidnapped by the White Witch as well."

"We have to fight," Susan said sternly, "now that you've back, you have to fulfil the prophecy, Ed. You alone can do it."

"Don't be silly, I am not that person," Edmund shook his head tiresomely.

"We've been waiting for you for three years," Caspian said, "Please, Edmund, you are our only hope at the moment."

"I don't know," Edmund said, "But before anything,we have to rescue Professor Kirke and Natalie, Natasha's sister, and then we'll know their number, and ours."

"I'll do it," Caspian volunteered, "I'll plan the rescue soon. Tell me more about that Professor though."

Peter explained their history in the Professor's house and everyone listened.

"The housekeeper isn't going be pleased about the windows," Lucy whispered to Edmund, who fought back a smile.

Their talk was over when roast mushroom was smelt in the woods. Everyone was out for supper and Edmund just felt better with his siblings around. It would be way better with one more person around, but she was sitting in the corner when everyone was sitting around the fire.

Beth was getting along very well with the Gentle Queen and the youngest Pevensie, Edmund was glad. He made sure she had dinner and sat on the lawns, watching the girls giggling. Edmund glanced at Natasha again, she wasn't eating. Just sitting, staring at the fire.

Edmund lost his appetite as looking at her. If she didn't eat, Edmund doubted if he could eat any. He stared at his soup, wondering how much he had missed. Not only about his family. Not only about Narnia.

Deciding to get Natasha something to eat, force something into her stomach even, Edmund got up, heading to the pump woman who was giving out soup.

"Can I have one more soup please?" It wasn't Edmund who asked.

Peter nodded to the woman as a thanking gesture, grinning at Edmund, putting his empty bowl into the pot of dirty plate and Edmund watched him walking to Natasha.

They talked. Nat smiled at him. Peter laughed. He handed her the soup. She started eating. And she smiled at him. And he smiled back. Flawlessly. Effortlessly.

"Just King?" The pump woman asked politely, "do you want some more soup?"

"I'm stuffed, thank you," Edmund said, handing his soup to the pump woman and sat back on the lawn. He didn't look at anyone but polishing Yule.

Caspian was arranging night guard schedule and Natasha volunteered to take the third watch of the night. Edmund found her a tent. Alone. Next to his. He was glad Lucy dragged Beth away for the night. He wanted to guard too, but everyone insisted he needed rest.

It was hard to have his daily kiss goodnight to Beth with Lucy and Susan staring. Edmund just couldn't bear their smirks.

"Lucy turn around!" Edmund shouted at last, "and Susan, cover your eyes!"

Edmund blushed and kissed Beth, muttering a quiet good night to her before racing out of the tents with Lucy and Susan wolf whistle behind. He was sitting on his bed.

It was one of the very few nights that Edmund didn't have to be alarmed, he knew it was safe in the Woods with some many people, Telmarines and Narnians, guarding, yet, it was one of the very few nights he couldn't sleep. He couldn't even close his eyes without seeing Peter's empty bowl and Natasha's shy smile at Peter. For a moment, he wished he was Peter.

Edmund waited, and finally the third watch came. He peaked outside his tent and found the second watch's dwarf came resting and a petite figure, throwing a cloak around her, headed to the edge of the woods.

Edmund carefully tip-toed behind her. There wasn't anyone nearby, but every guard was given a horn and Natasha was no exception. She sat down near the distanced tree, staring at the woods. Edmund sat down, yards behind, leaning his back on the tree, and just watched her.

He watched her as she stretched her body, as she stood up, as she paced back and fro, and watched her eventually sitting down. She sneezed, it ached Edmund at some point.

Edmund saw a dark figure striding towards her, his hand flew to his sword hilt. He moved forward, sitting behind the brushes right behind Natasha and the blonde hair man, who highly resembled to Peter.

"I thought you may need this," Edmund heard Peter, Peter only used this tone to speak to Lucy. He saw him put a blanket over Natasha's body.

"Thanks," Natasha said, Edmund wished he could see her face, "Cuddle with me?"

"Sure," the two of them were cuddling in a blanket. In one blanket.

"It's lovely to see you again, Natasha," Peter said, he sounded pleased, delighted even, "I've missed you."

"Really? I thought you didn't like me," Natasha said, "back in your house, you seemed to be-"

"Arrogant?" Peter chuckled, "I was freaked out. Never thought any Narnians, or Telmarines, would come to England. I've never thought Narnia will be under the Witch's rule again."

"Right," Natasha said, "Thank you for planning to rescue my sister."

"Don't mention it," Peter said, "it's kings' duty, to protect everyone in the country."

"I've made an awful mistake," Natasha said slowly, "Everyone is going to hate me when they find out."

"What is it?" Edmund saw Peter put his hand on Natasha's arm, "you can tell me, I won't tell anyone."

"I've never told anyone about this, but the Witch used my flood to come back to life. I was wondering in Aslan's How alone. I thought I could catch up with some history, and someone, something, knocked me out. When I woke again, my palm was cut and the White Witch was standing in front of me. I escaped. I went back to Yena, my home town, and soon the White Witch took over Narnia. This guilt of bringing her back to life is haunting me more than anything. And she kidnapped my sister, forced me to gain Edmund's trust and betrayed him—hurt him. I hate who I am."

"Shh—don't feel that," Peter hushed her, putting his arms around her shoulders, "it's not your fault. I would have do the same for my family. Ed's fine. He's happy with Beth now."

"I know, but it's still my fault. If I wasn't so careless and if I didn't wander alone-"

"Don't blame yourself for this, you're acting like Ed now," Edmund heard Peter.

"I am a horrible person," Edmund heard her whimpered and his heart sunk.

"You're not, you admit you past and you're brave," Edmund should be the one saying this, "and you're beautiful, you're a good sister, you try to make things right. It's all count. Narnia is in your debt."

"I don't know," Edmund heard her.

"Get some sleep, I'll guard for you," Peter said.

Peter held her as she fell asleep. Edmund saw the forth guard came and Peter carried her petite body in his arms, carried her back to her tent. He stayed there for a while before leaving. Edmund waited until Peter was gone before hopping into the room.

Natasha was sleeping peacefully. Guiltlessly. He didn't fail to see the tear lines on her cheeks.

"All those time you should have told me, and you chose not to," Edmund whispered, hoping she could hear him in her dreams, "and..."

Edmund kissed her forehead and stayed until the sun came out. He sneaked back to his tent, waiting for nothing.

_**Please Please Please Review**_


	29. Chapter 29

Guilt in Life

Chapter Twenty Nine

Caspian and a troop of centaurs and Telmarines rode from the Western Woods handing to the Witch's castle by twilight in the third day of Edmund's arrival. They were expected to return by dawn. Susan was worried, but she had a strong faith on Caspian.

It was a night when many could not sleep. Edmund still saw people, women and children, pacing back and fro in the woods when midnight came. Eventually, Susan urged everyone to get some sleep. Peter was comforting a child whose father was riding with Caspian.

"It's going to be fine," Edmund saw the girl sitting on Peter's lap, Peter was a good brother, always was, "your father will come back."

Edmund sat with Lief, gazing into the woods. Claus went to the castle too, hoping he could help. Leif was still injured, he couldn't move much and he insisted not to waste Lucy's cordial.

"It's really going to happen, isn't it?" Edmund mused.

"What is it?"

"The final battle of the Witch and me," Edmund said, "I've always known I should be the one finish her, but it's hard. I'm all alone on this."

"You're not," Leif said, "everyone here is with you."

"But I'm so weak," Edmund said, "almost useless."

"You are not," Leif said, "You're just not getting over some guilt, and someone."

"I'm over Natasha," Edmund sighed, "really. She's just a friend."

"Then why did you glare at the High King when he held her hand today?" Leif asked knowingly.

"I wasn't glaring at him," Edmund denied, "I was just looking."

"Uncomfortably," Leif added helpfully.

Edmund hated to say that Natasha and Peter grew very close in these few days. They did almost everything together. She was happy, Peter was happy. Beth was happy, and Edmund was supposed to be happy too. His heart sunk when he saw Peter laughed along with Natasha, and the way they talk, the smile they had in their eyes.

"Maybe," Edmund shrugged, "she is just a friend."

"Beth is coming, you should spend some time with her," Leif said, glancing at his back, "just remember that she's innocent in this relationship."

Was Edmund hurting her indirectly? The way he felt about Natasha was nothing like the way he felt about Beth, he tried to remember this.

"Hey," came Beth's voice and she sat down next to him. Her blonde hair was glowing in the dark, "finally urged Lucy to sleep."

"Sorry," Edmund said, putting his arm about her, "my sisters must be giving hard nights."

Beth giggled, "They are lovely. It's wonderful to feel like I have sisters—I'm the only child."

"They like you too," Edmund lay his chin on the top of her hair, "Are you sure you're used to life here? We can go back if you want. The Ancient Shield may need some help."

"I'd like to stay if I can, I love it here," Beth said.

They talked about random things and Edmund knew Beth was helping in the kitchen all day and washed the dishes, she would be a wonderful wife, a great life partner. Yet, Edmund wondered if she was really meant for him.

"I'm so happy for the High King and Natasha, they are so happy together," Beth sighed, grinning.

"Yeah," Edmund said. Soon Beth fell asleep and Edmund carried her to her tent, found Susan was still sitting on her bed, looking worried.

"He'll be fine," Edmund assured her as pulling the blanket on Beth's body.

"I know," Susan whispered, "I'm just worried."

"Where's Peter?" Edmund asked, trying to sound normal.

"He's sitting by the lake with Natasha," Susan replied, "he said she's worried. About her sister I suppose."

"Right."

Edmund swiftly left the tent. He was going back to his tent, but his feet led him to the lake in the centre of the woods. He saw Natasha, sitting against Peter, who had his arm around her. Edmund waited, and sat behind the brushes like before. It had been his habit of stalking Natasha at night. Sometimes she sat alone. Sometimes she was with Peter. Sometimes she slept, but muttering Natalie's name.

"Don't lie to me Natasha," he heard Peter's impatient voice, "You're upset. Tell me what's happened."

"No I'm fine," Natasha's voice was cracking, "I just...You know High King-"

"I've told you more than ten times to call me Peter," Peter urged gently.

"Peter, I'm trained not to cry, not to show emotion to anyone," Natasha's voice was tired, "but when I am with you, I feel like I can really feel something, to..." Edmund knew the word was love, he was glad she didn't say it out loud, or his heart was going to burn.

"It's all right," Peter said, Edmund saw Natasha's head leaning on his shoulder, "You can tell me anything. I don't mind your past."

"I'm..."Natasha broke down completely, her sobbing was heard echoing in the woods, Edmund's breathing was speedy, his hands were clutched to fists. He saw Peter kissed her forehead, held her as she cried. Edmund glared, forgetting the fact that he had no right to intervene anything about Natasha.

"I'm—I'm w-w-worry s-s-sick about-t-t Natalie-ie-ie," Natasha's voice was so loud as though she was sobbing in Edmund's ear, "I'm sc-scared if I will-ll los-se her-er. I'm an or-or-orphan. I've b-been living wi-wi-with her f-f-for my en-entire l-life."

"Shh—," Peter said, "Caspian is going to save her, don't worry."

"I lo-lo-love h-her," Natasha sobbed, Edmund leaned closer to the brushes, shutting his eyes with angst and anger.

Again, all those time during their journey to the Western Woods, she should have told him, she should her let out her feelings, and he should have held her like what Peter was doing now, and she chose not to.

Edmund hated himself for letting this to happen, for him being so idiotically stubborn for not understanding her intimately. The memory of that night when they made their way out of Haza came back to him, about him hurting her. This scattered Edmund's soul.

"It's okay," Peter comforted, stroking her hair, "you can cry."

Natasha cried, in Peter's arms. Peter comforted, Natasha cried, Edmund pained. After what felt like decades, Natasha's sobbing voice was quiet. Edmund shot up from the floor, he couldn't hold back, he strode to Peter, "Peter, I saw something from the edge of the woods, you'd better go and see."

"What's it?" Peter frowned, "Susan told you where I am? Never mind, I'll just go and see. Nat?"

"Just-t-t g-g-go," she whimpered, staring at the lawn so Edmund wouldn't see her face.

"Stay with her," Peter said, trust was gleaming in his eyes, he turned to Natasha, "I'll be back soon."

She just nodded. Peter hopped up from the floor and raced to the woods. The woods was quiet, Natasha stared at her toes, Edmund sat down next to her. He wished he could crush her to his chest, let her eyes rest and let his soul rest.

"Why did you lie to Peter?" Natasha said composedly, it was dark here but Edmund could see her reddened eyes and nose.

Edmund looked at her, awed.

Natasha replied with a smile, "Told you before, I always know when you're lying."

"Don't tell Peter that," Edmund said, eyeing at her, "I just...I don't want you to be with him."

Natasha raised her eyes at him, "you have no right-"

"Don't tell me what right do I have," Edmund's eyes burnt into hers, "I don't want to see you with him. It kills me."

"You're with Beth," Natasha pointed out, "hours ago, Beth was sitting in your laps, you were talking delightedly. Why can't I be with the High King may I ask?"

Edmund grabbed her hand, "you can come to me, like when you cried just now. You should have come to me instead."

"No Edmund," Natasha pulled her hand away, but Edmund didn't let her go, "you belong with Beth, she is the only one who can make you happy. You. Me. All left is hurt and scars from the past."

"Don't be with Peter," Edmund leaned closer, he could see every one of her eyelashes, long and elegant, "I will take down the White Witch, and you don't have to worry a thing ever again."

"What about Beth? And the High King? They are innocent in our relationships."

"So stop dragging Peter into this!" Edmund almost shouted.

"And you don't let Beth go," Natasha said, her eyes were burning into his.

Edmund leaned in, he didn't want to care about a thing but kissing her, feeling her petite body in his arms. But Natasha pulled back, Edmund dropped her hand.

"Don't Ed," she whispered, "don't you dare to think a kiss will solve all the problems. I'm not good enough for you. I'm the main reason of the Witch coming back to life. It's all because of me. Nothing will change that."

"Peter can bear that, and so can I," Edmund promised firmly.

"You'll hurt Beth," she stated.

"I don't care."

"I do," Natasha said, "she is a wonderful person who doesn't deserve any hurt. Don't be selfish, Just King, and I think we should keep a distance between us. For both of our sakes."

Natasha stared at the lake in front of them. It was clear and calm, the exact oppose of what Edmund was raging inside. He was selfish, he was shameless as a king, he was awful as a brother, he was a wreck.

"Ed!" Edmund jumped as hearing Peter's voice, "there isn't anything."

"I was probably too tired," Edmund lied.

"Go and get some sleep," Peter flashed a smile at him, "you're tired after today's sword practice."

Edmund nodded to Peter, and glanced at Natasha before retreating back to behind the brushes.

"Are you feeling better?" He heard Peter's tender voice, he fought the urge to raise a fist at him.

"Way better."

"I've," Peter paused, "always wanted to ask you something."

Edmund knew it was about their past, and their complicated relationship, and he didn't want to hear the answer, but he chose to stay.

"Shoot."

"Can I kiss you?"

Edmund's breath stuck in his throat. Say no Natasha, a voice urging in his brain, just say no, slap him, or walk away. Say no.

Edmund was glad Natasha didn't say anything, he wished the silence would stay.

"I know there was history between you and Ed, and I'm not going to care about that, because everything about you get me hooked. I don't know why, but I just really like you, and Edmund is with Beth now. Happily I shall add. But of course, I understand if you do not wish-"

Edmund thanked the night for being so dark. He saw Natasha leaned in and kissed Peter, Peter's hands were on her waist, while Edmund's were grasping the grass. With, for the first time, hatred towards Peter.

But then, his hands relaxed. He felt hopeless.

"You're right," Natasha pulled back, Peter was grinning like an idiot. Yeah, the name idiot suited Peter, "Edmund is with Beth. I guess I've been trying to tell myself that. Thank you, Peter, for making me strong."

"Anytime."

"Can we stay here tonight?" she asked.

"I've got guard duty two hours later, you go ahead and sleep, I'll carry you to the bed," Peter leaned in and kissed her again. Edmund turned away.

They talked about Natalie, about things Edmund didn't even know, like her favourite food, her favourite place in Narnia. Edmund saw Peter carried Nat back to her tent hours later. Edmund, like before, followed him and sat on Natasha's bed edge when no one was around.

"I wish you know that I love you," he said, and he left.

Yes, he was with Beth, and Nat was with Peter.

* * *

**Hey guys, my mother tongue is not English, so I seriously need your review on my writing style and language use. Please tell me what you think of the story plot so far. :D **


	30. Chapter 30

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty

Edmund heard the horn before seeing a bunch of people, cheering as making their way to the centre of the woods, Peter came out from Natasha's tent, but Nat wasn't with him.

Edmund stormed to Peter for some reason, Peter grinned at him. Edmund didn't speak for a moment, and he tried not to snap at the High King.

"Where is Natasha?" Edmund asked.

"She's still sleeping," Peter replied normally, "She cried for her sister last night. Was really upset. I thought I heard you two talking last night."

"We did," Edmund looked away, "silly stuff, about the White Witch."

"She's really injured, not physically, by that woman, and she'll pay for what she's done to her."

"The Witch is in my revenge list, not yours," Edmund said harshly as Peter startled at him for a moment, "Never mind."

Caspian came back with a blackened right eyes, Edmund saw Natasha hugged him tightly and he wondered if Natasha was ever going to hug him like that. He was standing outside Natasha's tent, looking around nervously. He wanted her to wake up, to see her joyful face was seeing Natalie again, but on the other hand, he wished she would stay sleeping. So Edmund didn't have to see Peter hugging her, and perhaps Natalie too—like a happy family.

"Have anyone seen Natasha?" Edmund heard a voice and spot that young girl, even younger than Lucy, with honey coloured hair, and he remembered what the White Witch offered. It was haunting him right after that night. Every time he slept, or just closed his eyes for a moment, he could hear the Witch's voice of offering him a bright future. The more he said no, the more he wanted it. A future with Natasha. Just him, and her.

Peter was busy helping the other wounded centaurs and almost no one noticed her, Edmund wanted to ignore her for some reason, but he walked to her.

"Natalie?"

"Sire have you seen my—oh Aslan, you're the Just King," Natalie bowed quickly, her nose almost touched her belly.

"Come on," Edmund put a hand on her back and guided her to Natasha's tent. They went into the tent quietly, Natalie's eyes were gleaming with tears as sitting on the bed edge, touching Natasha's hand.

"She's only sleeping, don't worry," Edmund said.

"I know, sire, but I missed her. It's was horrible that in that cell, the Witch came to threaten me like every day. I remembered Natasha's look when she was told to betray you. She's always said you're the best swordsman in Narnia."

"Did she?" Edmund looked at Natasha's face, he wondered how nice it would be if he rescue Natalie sooner.

"You're her hero," Natalie replied.

"Were," Edmund muttered, "are you hungry? Your arm's cut, I'll take you to the healer," Edmund said, helped her to get up and noticed how much the sisters looked alike with each other.

"And may I have some food? I've been starving for days," Edmund chuckled.

"You can have anything you want here," Edmund smiled at her.

The siblings were sitting in the columns that were rebuilt after Peter fighting Miraz, eating lunch. Edmund relocated Caspian's arm and everyone was delighted to know that Professor Krike was rescued.

"So what happened?" Lucy asked.

"There're a lot to be told," Edmund said, "How did you get kidnapped, Professor?"

"Tell me about your adventures here first laddies and lassies," Professor said kindly, his face was wearily and exhausted, "I heard you are Kings and Queens here."

The Pevensie children retold their journey here when Susan mended Caspian's wounds. Edmund was the last to finish the story.

"...Professor, I'm really, really, really sorry for breaking the windows."

"Don't mention it," the Professor said, "I was kidnapped when I was preparing my speech for the Oxford University. The dwarves and creatures that I had never thought I would see again came trooping into my house through the wardrobe, Jadis kidnapped me. I heard a prophecy, the one you mentioned it just now Edmund, and the Witch wanted to know more about the Old Magic here. She is plotting to do something to do by using a girl, and you," he paused, "guilt."

"She did use her," Edmund said gloomily.

"Did Natalie find Natasha by the way?" Peter asked.

"She did, Beth is looking after her now," Edmund didn't want to answer any of Peter's question, "What did the Witch want to do? With me?"

"I don't know," Professor Krike said, but his flashed a glanced at Edmund that told him otherwise. There must be something.

"What about you, Cas?" Lucy asked, biting a toast, "tell us what happened after you arrived."

"It was surprisingly easy, her castle is melting and it's so small. We attacked and rode in within fifteen minutes. The trees helped us, their roots crawled into the ice castle and cracked everything. It was a sudden attack so it took her off guard. She's weaker than we thought."

"It's all because we almost come to victory, the prophecy children, remember the prophecy," Professor Krike said, eyeing on Edmund.

The unwanted weight came climbing onto Edmund's shoulder, he wanted to deny it, he wanted to tell everyone to stop looking at him like that with a joking tone. Edmund stared at the empty plates.

"Edmund," came Susan's caring voice.

"You're going to finish her for all of us," Lucy placed a hand on his. Edmund smiled weakly at them,

"I don't know."

They sat here for a while until Caspian and Peter had to go and check the guard at the edge of the forest and Lucy and Susan had to help in the healing tents.

"Walk me back to my tent son?" Professor Krike looked at Edmund.

Edmund hadn't been called like this for a long time, or had been like this. Like a father and a son.

He nodded, found himself unable to speak.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Professor's eyes were sharp, "I mean, what really happened between you and that girl, Natasha, isn't it?"

Edmund, looked at the white haired man uncertainly. Well he needed something, older and wiser, to judge for him. Edmund started the story, and he wasn't able to stop.

"...and so, she's with Peter and I'm with Beth. I don't know how is her stupid mind working, she shouldn't have gone to Peter's, she could come to me and we could talk-"

"Like old times, right?"

These words made Edmund flinch somehow.

"Maybe."

"And do you love her?" Edmund heard a sad tone in the old man's voice.

"I don't know, I mean, I know I can't love her again, and it's not right to love her again 'cause I'm with Beth and she's with Peter, and Peter's not going to be happy about it-"

"Son, you are not answering my question," There was a fire sparking in Professor's eyes, "do you love her?"

"I think," Edmund licked his lips, they were pacing here and there in the centre of the woods, he saw Natasha came out from the tent with bed hair and a sleepy look, Natalie yelled her name and the two sisters hugged. He saw Natasha was crying.

"Edmund?"

"I think I do."

Edmund expected the Professor to tell him how wrong it was to love her, but he didn't. He just looked.

"Aslan would know what to do," Edmund muttered, "he always knows, and he would always help."

"Would?" Professor Krike stroked his beard, "he will and that's what he does. I remember him helping my mother when I was a boy, great but untame lion he is."

"Yeah," Edmund saw Natasha and Natalie were sitting on the floor, beaming and laughing. Natalie came to sit in front of Natasha and Natasha braided her hair.

"As much as I'm arguing with myself about it, I just, can't," Edmund panted, "I thought I hated her, but it turned out I need her more than I want her. She's like..."he trailed off.

"She's like part of you and you want, or at least wanted, a future with her, like the one the White Witch offered," Professor Krike mused, "the Witch said too loud the other day, I heard her from the cell."

"I shouldn't be hoping for that, I will not be a traitor again."

"But you've met your ultimate failure as the prophecy predicted," the old man sighed, "but I'm afraid that's not the end of the matter."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you ready for the terrible truth?" The Professor wasn't looking at him.

"What is it?"

"The Witch Witch decided to kill her," the Professor said sadly, "she asked me about the Deep Magic of her right of executing the traitors."

"It's different!" Edmund's eyes widened, "she is forced to be the traitor! It's not what she wanted."

"I was there when the rules were made," Professor looked into the woods, "Natasha's life belonged to her."

"No way," Edmund whispered.

"She has her, living or dead, and she is going to claim her life," Professor Krike explained, "it's the only weapon the Witch has against you. Her."

Swiftly, the Professor walked away from Edmund leaving him stood there, watching Natasha playing with Natalie's hair in a distance. Beth was standing in the opposite tent, healing with the dinner.


	31. Chapter 31

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty One

Edmund had two choice, he could go to Beth, forget everything Professor Krike said and kept hating Natasha for no reason, letting Peter, her great lover, deal with all the problems. Edmund knew he didn't have to right to hover her, but...

The other choice, he let his passion take over his sense, Edmund saw Beth's blonde hair, coming straight down like a waterfall, Natasha's was in a loose bun. Edmund picked his choice.

He was not going to tell Natasha about the witch, maybe the Professor heard the wrong thing...

"Natasha?" Edmund found himself standing in front of the sisters. Speechlessly.

"Yeah?" Edmund hadn't seen that smile for weeks. All her features were lit up because of that smile on her face, "Edmund, why are you staring?"

"Me what? Oh no, I mean, um," Edmund glanced at the woods, "do you want to go for a walk?"

"I'd love that."

Natalie went to help in the kitchen while Edmund was walking in the quiet woods with Natasha. Afternoon light gleamed, spring came—it reminded Edmund of them walking in the cold, frozen winter forest. There were flowers everywhere on their way, Edmund picked some forget me not on the way, giving them to Natasha, who smiled.

"Thank you Edmund," Natasha said, Edmund found himself smiling.

"Don't mention it, do you like lavenders too?"

"I didn't only mean the flowers," Natasha said, "thank you for everything. If you didn't tell King Caspian to rescue my sister—I'm forever in your debt."

Edmund didn't want her to be in his debt, he wanted her to...

"I love you."

...to be his.

"What did you say?"

"I love you, Nat," Edmund grabbed her hands, along with the forget me not, like her eyes.

"Edmund..."

"No no no," Edmund whispered, he pulled her close and circled her with his hands, "just listen to me."

Natasha just stared at him, her eyes were like the marine, and were like the winter sky in London, and were like the stars that were gleaming, and were like the pale moon.

"I've been trying to tell myself that we are over, that I hate you and I use Beth to be the diversion, to keep myself from you. The more I tried the less was working. I even permitted myself to let you be with Peter. But no, things shouldn't be like this."

"No, Ed."

"You and I both knew it, we belong together," Edmund put her hand on his chest, feeling the warmth of her skin, "I love you. This will not change even though you hurt me. For the two of us, we hurt each other and we will find a way to mend, to just go back to each other—this is how our love is. It's strong, it's fresh, it's eternal. We fight, we argue, and we learn from our mistake. I was making a huge one for letting you go, for even hating you, but now, I'm going to make a change."

Edmund stroked her cheek, she looked uncertainly.

"Come on Nat," Edmund whispered, "you want me too."

"What about Peter and Beth?" she muttered, "this is not right."

"We'll talk to them later. I love you and this is the only right thing," Edmund said, "for weeks, I thought I would never say I love to anyone ever again because of you, but because of you, I learn better about love. Love is never giving up, you pretend to be happy with Peter and I pretend to be happy with Beth, I'm sick of it!"

Her breath was shaky, "I don't know."

Edmund leaned closer, resting his forehead against hers, "you'll know, soon."

Edmund leaned in and kissed her. A light, feather touch with their lips and Edmund found, remembered what love was about. It was about her, only Natasha, that silly, stupid Natasha who stayed strong while she didn't have to, that arrogant Natasha who was stronger than anyone he knew, that petite Natasha who had loved him, who would still love him.

Edmund kissed her cheek, her nose and her neck, his lips brushed against hers gently, as if each one of the action would hurt. His heart was beating loudly and he was afraid if Natasha would hear how nervous, and happy, he was.

His hands found her waist and he felt her smiled as kissing him.

Edmund was waiting Natasha to say I love you back to him, but before he could hear that, a sharp sound of horn came cutting in the air.

Both of them groaned.

Edmund touched Natasha's lips, they were sullen, and he made that, and he smiled.

He was leaning in for another kiss when the horn was blown again urgently.

"Can't they wait for what like one more minute?" Edmund murmured.

Natasha chuckled lightly, it sounded like lullaby.

"Come on," Natasha said, "let's keep this low for a moment. I'll have to figure out what to say to Peter."

"The truth?"

"Right, how should I put the truth?"

"We'll figure that out later," Edmund kissed her again and they made their way back to the centre of the woods, hands weren't holding but whenever Nat's arm brushed his, Edmund grinned like an idiot.

People were gathering for no reason and they looked scared.

"Ed."

Edmund found Beth came hugging him, she was startled. Edmund shouldered his way into the crowd and found the White Witch, unnaturally pale, goggling around. Her eyes were filled were hatred.

"What do you want?" Edmund heard Peter, standing not far away with his sword drawn.

The werewolves and the bird-like women were roaring, waving their weapons.

"Silent!" the White shouted, "no point pulling that sword out, young king. I'm here to claim my traitor, just like last time."

The Witch's eyes glanced at Natasha, surprisingly, Leif and Claus came stepping in front of her, barking at her.

"Quiet," Edmund muttered to them. Professor Krike looked at Edmund mournfully, and retreated to the back of the crowd.

"What do you want?" Peter repeated.

"I want a meeting with the Just," the Witch's eyes daggered into Edmund's.

"But-"

"I got it Pete," Edmund said, "this way."

Edmund led the Witch to the royal tent where they had their meeting. Everyone was eyeing them, Beth was worried, Susan mouthing no to him, Peter frowned.

Natasha mouthed I love you to him and that was good enough for him.

"Weapon free," A centaur stopped them front of the tent.

Edmund gladly handed Yule and the Witch handed her staff to a werewolf.

"You've done enough," the Witch said inside the tent.

"I will not stop until you and your fellow creatures are destroyed," Edmund said coldly.

"Keep going, you won't win this battle, you and I both knew it," The White Witch said, "Whatever. I'm just taking my criminal and I will be out of the place in no time. Hand me Natasha."

"And if I say no."

The White Witch's high pitched laughter chilled Edmund, "Say no? Her life belongs to me. I offered you once and your chance is gone. I'm taking her."

Edmund didn't speak.

"But, I'm offering you another choice," the Witch said, "if I am the one to do it, I'll make it slow and make sure she feels every stab and every cut. Or, if you do it, you can make her feel no pain at all. It's either you or me."

Edmund stared at her, that was rubbish.

"Me kill her or you?"

Edmund didn't say anything, nor he had to, "you'll be defeated and no one has to die."

"You can't change the rules of the Deep Magic, she is s traitor and she is mine. You are the Just and you just fairly. How many life did you lost because of her, Edmund?"

"Because of you more like it!"

"Be angry and it won't change a thing," Edmund heard her, "either you or me. She must be dead before the sunsets of tomorrow. Make the decision now. You have until today sunset to tell me the answer. I'll be here patiently waiting."

The White Witch sat down in Peter's seat, crossing her arms.

It was obvious what she was doing now, she wanted him to kill the woman he loved. Brilliant. Edmund had no idea what to do. It was the Deep Magic, after being king for so long, if there was one thing, one basic rule that all Narnian had to follow, that was the rule of the Deep Magic.


	32. Chapter 32

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty Two

Edmund stormed out of the tent, he saw everyone was staring. Peter opened his mouth to ask, but Edmund shook his head. He found Natasha and in the silent crowd, Edmund strode to her and grabbed her hand. He noticed Beth and Peter's expression, but he didn't care, he just held her hand and started running towards the mountain top.

The wind blew the Edmund found something stung his face and eyes. The liquid on his face tasted salty, and Edmund realised—the Just was crying.

It had always been his duty to measure punishment in the past, for Natasha, he couldn't decide anything, nor he would. He felt Natasha was squeezing his hand.

Oh Natasha, Edmund looked at her face at the mountain top, he couldn't hold back. The gentle sunset light gleamed on her face, her hair was red. She frowned. She was so freaking beautiful. Her eyes. Her cheeks. Her petite body. Her hair. Her soft hands. These all couldn't be faded. They _couldn't. _

Edmund cried. Harder than he ever had.

"What's happened, Ed?" Nat was cupping his face, "hey, it's fine, everything will be okay."

Edmund groaned, cried harder as he locked her into his arms, she kept whispering "shh, it's okay," in his ear.

This was not okay, and nothing was, and would be, fine.

This sucked, this fucking sucked.

He had just got her back, and...he had_ just _got her back!

"I'm...I l-l-lov-v-ve you-u-u," were the only words he could make out.

"What's wrong? Tell me, won't you! I'm scared."

Edmund was scared too, he was awfully horror-struck. His hugged her tighter, feeling her presence, she had to stay in his arms. She would stay until time ended, she had to stay until the end. Forever.

"Natasha, you know what?" Edmund panted, cupping her face in his large hands, his fingers traced her lips, he had just kissed her, now and he lost her, "I really, really do love you."

"You know I love you too, right?" Nat smiled. Oh that smile...She pecked his lips.

"The witch—that horrible woman said," Edmund sobbed, "she said it's either me kill you or she would do it—it has something to do with the Deep Magic—you remember Aslan died for me before—I want to so it again—I want to replace you—but I can't—because I am the Just and I'm to set the punishment for traitors—and I love you so much that I don't know what to do—I am really really scared—I can't—never—lose you—"

Natasha's face fell, but she didn't cry like he did. Edmund remembered, she was stronger, tougher than that.

"Okay."

"Okay? That's all? You're going to die!"

"I know," Natasha said calmly, "I've always known. I read, remember? When I was young, I always wondered about your story, about the whole betrayal thing. When I first agreed to betray you, I expected that—I thought the Deep Magic didn't work now, but no, the rule still applies to me now, and, I think..." she trailed off.

"You're not going to die," Edmund said firmly, hatred was welling in him, what was more, hopelessness was burning his very soul. He wished the fire of hatred in him would burn the Witch alive."

"It's not much to take in, just death-"

"Just death! What about me? And everything we had? I've just got you back, silly!" Edmund almost shouted, "I've just got you ! Our future and..."

There was no future ahead of them.

"It's fine, Ed," She whispered, Edmund doubted if she believed what she was talking about.

"It's not," Edmund moaned, resting his forehead on hers, pulling her in.

There was nothing but the soft sunset light between the Just king and the so call traitor. Just sunlight, a lot of wafture goodbyes.

"If I'm to die," Natasha mumbled, they had been standing here with the sky changing colour above them, didn't really matter though, "I want it to be you."

"Me d-d-do it-t-t?" Edmund trembled, she was joking.

"The Witch is going to torture me before killing me," Natasha explained, "I suppose it's less painful to die in your arms."

"You are not even going to fight it?" Edmund was awed, "you're just going to let-"

"We can't control fate," Natasha mused, "never could, never can."

"I don't want to lose you, and what about Natalie?" Edmund tried to find as many excuse to keep her alive as possible. She needed to see reason, "I don't want you to be that selfish heroine, sacrificing yourself and all that, I want you."

Natasha shook her head grimly, "stay strong. Narnian needed a strong king as yourself. Maybe, King Caspian can take care of Natalie...and she's strong too, she will understand. You have to understand too."

"I don't want to understand anything!" Edmund moved away from her and yelled from the mountain top, screaming with his lungs in the top of his voice with a slight hope that his anger, his hopelessness would run away from his scream. His knees hit the lawn heavily after he kicked every visible thing, stones, rocks, grasses, flowers.

"I can't do it!" he managed to shout, covering his face with his hands, "I'm not killing you."

"You have to do it," Natasha crouched down in front of him, stroking his face. How could she still smile like that?

"Will you do it for me?" She smiled, kissed his forehead, his eyes, his nose, and finally his lips, "I'm going to miss this," Edmund heard her.

"You really want-"

"Yes, darling," Natasha's blue eyes pierced into his, "Yes, yes yes. I want you to do it. It's not going to hurt."

Yeah, only it would kill me—Edmund thought darkly.

He barely noticed anything when Natasha pulled him and dragged him down the slope from the mountain. Edmund picked a flower on the way, forget me not, and he remembered today earlier, and he remembered the taste of Nat's lips.

Edmund put the flower in her hair, it felt like they were just going for a picnic.

One day...and she would be gone.

One day...everything would end.

One day...

"You're beautiful," Edmund muttered as they saw the crowd. Narnians and Telmarines split for Natasha and Edmund. Edmund's fingers tangled with Nat's, they made they way to the centre of the woods. Peter's expression was hardened—the least of Edmund's care.

The Witch was sitting in the centre of the woods with everyone staring. She didn't stand up.

"You're made up your mind," she sneered, "are you going to hand me the girl?"

"No," Edmund said, "she's with me."

"So you're going to do it," Natasha squeezed his hand.

"Yes," Edmund answered, "leave now."

"How can I miss that scene?"

"Leave now!"

"Fine," the pointed face smiled, "I will see her body tomorrow sunset. Her life, and body, belongs to me after all."

The Witch rose and left. Edmund didn't want to explain to anyone about what happened, he just wanted to be with Natasha.

"You did it right," Natasha whispered to him before telling everyone what happened, "people make mistake and they should face the consequence."

But that was not even her mistake.

**I'm still deciding for the ending, tell me what you think for Natasha's ending...**


	33. Chapter 33

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty Three

"You need to talk to Beth," Edmund barely heard Natasha's voice.

"I want to stay with you," Edmund mumbled, tightening his arm around her. She was so fragile, so breakable and she pretended everything was fine, she pretended to be optimistic and that stupid heroine. Edmund hated her for that.

"She deserves an explanation," Natasha slightly pushing him away, Edmund shook his head though.

"I'm not going anywhere," Edmund insisted.

The night came swifter than usual, the Witch left and Natasha explained everything to everyone. Peter didn't speak and Beth was sitting alone, Edmund knew she was watching them. Everyone hugged Natasha, Claus and Leif finally understood her and stayed for her for a while. Too much goodbye, too much unprepared goodbyes.

Edmund sat back most of the time, and when she was finally done and everyone finally left her alone, Edmund grabbed her and dragged her to sit with him, waiting for the dinner. Edmund didn't know what to think, in fact, he was barely thinking, he just looked at the girl next to him, wondering what gave her courage to face her own death so selflessly.

"Come on, Ed," Natasha urged in a whisper, "I need to talk to Peter anyway. He hasn't said anything to me."

"But-"

"Please," Natasha kissed his forehead, "if you love me, just do it for me."

How come a nice person as herself needed to die while that horrible woman could destroy Narnia as will? Edmund sighed, "you have fifteen minutes to say goodbye to Peter and then you're coming straight back to me, do you hear me?"

"Are you going to boss me around in the last day of my existence?" Natasha said in a joking tone.

"Shut up and go," Edmund was tired, but he smiled at her.

"I love you," Edmund heard her, and whenever he heard her saying these three words, it set a flame in Edmund's chest, it felt like the last time he heard her.

Edmund couldn't bring himself say it back, he kissed her before letting her go and made his way to Beth. Beth was helping in the kitchen after musing alone in the corner.

"Beth... I need to talk to you."

"Go away Edmund," Edmund heard her as she was separating the soup, she wiped her forehead, and her eyes, with her hand, not looking at him.

"Beth...I'm sorry."

"I know, you know what? You should go and stay with her, it's after all her," she gulped, "last day. We can talk about other things later."

"No," Edmund said, "I-"

"Edmund I need to work, let's talk later-"

"Beth, look at me," she still didn't, "Beth."

Beth sighed, throwing the spoon in the empty pot with a loud 'clink', her eyes were sad. Hurt.

"Beth I'm sorry..."

"I suppose I always knew there is something between you and her, the way you two look at each other, and I pretended I didn't see that, I was so wrong Edmund. I've always known you belong with her, not me, and I tried to deny that, I tried to keep you here with me even when you hugged me, you kissed me, you were just thinking about her. For some reason you hated her, and I felt like a tool."

Guilt was flashing Edmund, he stared at her, wishing she would just punch, hit him. He hadn't realised how much damage he did to her until now.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I know, Ed," Beth licked her lips, mopping her eyes with the back of her hand, "I love you and I will do anything for you, anything at all, but I know you don't feel the same, and that's okay."

"I really did like you..."Edmund trailed off, "I wasn't using you just as the tool, I admitted my intention for kissing that night was to hurt Nat, but later I really felt something and-"

"The truth is too much for me to bear," Beth said, "Edmund, stay with her. I'm happy when you're happy, and you're happy when you're with her."

"I'm a jerk."

"Don't be a jerk to Natasha," Beth mused, "I mean, I've read something about the traitor thing—there must some be some way to undo it. I just don't remember."

"What way?" Edmund's eyes were sharp.

"I don't remember, I've asked the Professor, but he said none can help. If only I had that book my grandfather gave me, it said something about the Old Narnia magic."

"Is there way to reverse the betrayal?" Edmund asked nervously.

"I'm afraid I really don't remember," Beth said, glancing at Natasha, "I'll try to remember the content of the book...and don't feel guilty, Ed. I want you to be happy, and I don't hate you or Natasha. I should have let you go at the beginning, but I was so selfish and I didn't want to. Now I will, just stay happy with her for the last day. For hers and your sakes."

"Is there anything I can do to make it up for you?" Edmund asked.

"Can I have a hug?"

Edmund hugged her, stroking her golden hair in his palms, he pulled back, it was so much to take in to look at her face. Scarred by him.

"I'm really sorry," Edmund mumbled for the last time.

"Go back to her," Beth managed to smile tearfully, patting his arm, "I wish you the best."

"Thanks," Edmund replied, and he made his way to Natasha. She was still talking to Peter, Edmund sat down in the a distance, still hearing their voice.

"You've always loved him, right?" Peter wasn't raged, he was calm.

"I'm sorry Peter," Natasha mumbled, "It's him, always him. If us met earlier, maybe—"

"Shh," Peter said gently, "I'm not blaming you, I understand about love and responsibility and betrayal. I'm glad I was here when you needed someone, and I'm happy now that you've found the one you really love."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Natasha whimpered. Edmund wanted to rush to her and take her in his arms, but he knew it was something Natasha had to face herself.

"It's okay, are you scared?" Peter touched her arm, " I don't know what to feel, about losing you...It's only been days, but it felt like I've know you forever."

"Peter..." she sobbed, "I feel so bad for lying to you , for kissing you..."

"Hey," Peter hushed her, Edmund fought the urge to go to her, it was hers and Peter's time, the last moments, Edmund shouldn't be there, "don't cry, you've got," Peter paused, "Edmund. Yeah, Ed is going to take good care of you and..."

"He's going to be the one to do it, because he's the Just,"Natasha said, "I'm not scared, or at least I suppose I'm not scared."

"It," Peter paused, "It will be over soon. If we can kill the White Witch-"

"No Peter, doesn't anyone understand?" Natasha actually shouted, "it's not only about the Witch, she's living or not, I did it. I betrayed Edmund and the rest of the Narnians, and the Just has to do it. Even if she's died, it's still my fate. Remember you told me about Aslan's fate is being controlled by the Deep Magic too, mine, Edmund's, yours as well. I'm going to run from it."

Edmund heard her voice louder than necessary, her words were echoing in his brain for some reason. She was so...courageous, so brave and...Edmund wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

"Peter," Natasha said slowly, "I need to go back to Ed's."

"I'll miss you and whenever I think you, all I remember will be how lucky I am that I have been with the bravest girl in Narnia." Peter hugged her tightly, Natasha kissed his cheek before coming back to Edmund's.

"How was the goodbye?" Edmund pretended he didn't hear anything as sweeping her into his arms.

"Don't pretend you didn't hear anything," Natasha said, "they are giving out dinner. Come on, eat with me. My last dinner."

Edmund's soul was damaged as hearing the word 'last', and he wondered how much would it take to heal this wound. s


	34. Chapter 34

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty Four

The night came too quickly, and the first star was sparking in the sky. Unlike other nights, tonight was chilly, Edmund's heart was frozen somehow.

People were heading to bed, Natasha shared a few tearful moments with Leif and Susan, Lucy was sobbing like mad, and Natasha had to be the one to comfort her. Beth glanced at them sometime. Once Edmund glanced at her and she raised her eyebrow, hurriedly heading into Aslan's How.

The White Witch sent a dwarf to send a dagger to Edmund. The very same one she killed Aslan centuries ago with well sharpened blade. Edmund put the dagger his bed, how honestly could he do it? How could he stab the blade to the body of the woman he loved?

Natasha sat on the lawn with him, watching people came and went. She liked it, her head was dropping on Edmund's shoulder, he wished the warmth of her skin would stay with him. Till the end.

"I really love you," Edmund mumbled as people nodded to Natasha with respect. Some children came and handed her some flowers. Natasha had spent some time with Natalie earlier during dinner. They cried. Natalie kept saying it was her fault and she eventually fell asleep as weeping.

"I know, and I want you to do it at dawn," Natasha smiled, her fingers were tangled with his.

"Why? We still have till sun set," Edmund frowned at her.

"I can't look at those people again,"Beth replied, "I really can't, Ed. Beth and Peter are so nice and Lucy and Natalie. I can't say goodbye to them again and I can't bear you killing me with everyone knowing. At dawn, just quiet and just us."

"You know I can't do it," Edmund mumbled, "you remember you first saw me? I thought your hair was a mess."

Natasha chuckled, "my hair is still messy, I can't help it."

"But you're beautiful," Edmund said sincerely, "and charming, and wonderful."

"And a bit annoying and irritating," Natasha laughed, "Smile Ed, I hate it when you look so grim."

Edmund stared at her face, he couldn't manage a smile, not ever again.

"Come on," Natasha sat on his laps, hands were stroking his face, "Edmund Pevensie, can you please flash a smile to me?"

"If only you stay alive."

"I thought we were over this," Natasha looked away, "Edmund, I've not regretted doing that, because I undid all these, I would never have met you. I wish the pain would go away, but somehow, I think if the pain are gone, so will the happiness and joy. Pain is scary, losing you is horrible."

"Don't leave me then," Edmund croaked.

"You will get over it, because you are the Just King, the Brave Just King who I'd never thought I would fall in love with."

"Excuse me," Edmund looked up, found Caspian looking at them, he glanced at the lawn, "may I?"

"Sure my lord," Natasha bowed.

Caspian sat down, "I wish to apologize."

"What for?"

"I'm sorry for my and my father's decision for making you a spy," Caspian said sincerely, "I'm truly sorry. If you are not trained to be a spy, a very good one indeed, the White Witch would not threaten you with your family."

"It's okay," Natasha patted his hand, "I'm not sorry."

"But I'm the cause of it," Caspian mumbled, "I'm-"

"Don't feel that," Edmund added. In fact, Edmund blamed Caspian for everything, but if Natasha said it wasn't Cas's fault, it wasn't his fault then.

"Everyone is still looking up to you," Natasha encouraged, "stay strong."

"I'd like to ask for you permission for something," Caspian said, "I...after we claim back Narnia and when everything is under control again, I want to crown Natalie princess. I promise I'm going to take really good care of her, I will treat her like my own sister—this is the least I can do for you."

Natasha didn't speak for a moment, and she hugged him.

"Thank you," Natasha said, "for everything."

Caspian smiled at her before leaving Edmund and Natasha alone.

"So?"

"What?"

"These're all your goodbyes?"

"I suppose," there was not hesitation in her voice.

"What about me? You're just going to leave me killing you and bear this guilt and pain for the rest of my life without saying any goodbye?" Edmund looked at her, feeling her weight on his laps.

"I thought I could this," Natasha said gloomily, "cause I don't know, and I'm not ready, to say goodbye to you."

Edmund twisted a strand of her hair and put it behind her ear, wondering how could he manage his life without this girl.

"I love you, isn't that enough for you to stay?" Edmund muttered, "but don't worry, I get it. Fate. Destiny. None can change that."

"So don't be grumpy," Natasha kissed his cheek.

"I'm not," Edmund looked at her flawless face, "I'm just hopeless, and desperate. I'm running out of time."

"If you want an epic goodbye, well," Natasha cuddled to him, "I'm never going to leave you, never would. Whenever you think of me, or your stupid guilt comes haunting, remember this," She pressed her lips to his, Edmund's world shook, and became chaotic as she stroked his cheek, kissing him like she had never kissed him before. When she pulled back, they were both panting, "and you will know."

"Know what?"

"That I'm with you."

The night was too quiet for Edmund to sleep. Natasha was lying next to him on the bed, her hand was on his chest, head on his shoulder. She kept mumbling I love you to him until she felt asleep. For the last time.

"You know that I will always love you, right?"Edmund spoke her to sleeping self, "living or dead, from spring to winter, I'm not ever going to stop loving you."

Soon, Edmund fell asleep too. He remembered dreaming about their future, they had a daughter, with Natasha's hair and her eyes. Great, his angel didn't inherited any ugly feature from his father...and he woke because someone was sobbing. Edmund opened his eyes a bit, found Natasha sitting on the bed and weeping like an old woman.

She left the bed before he could reach out for her. Her body was small in the dark, Edmund didn't speak, he just followed her. He wanted to know what else was hiding from him. Her panic? Her fear?

She stopped in front of the lake and started crying. Very hard in fact. Edmund hugged her from the back, wiping her tears.

"W-W-What are y-y-you d-d-doing here ?" she sobbed. Edmund hated to see her cry.

"What's wrong?" Edmund frowned, kissing her tears away.

"N-N-Nothing-g-g," her voice was cracking. Edmund held her tighter in his arms, dawn was coming soon and he couldn't bear it. The woman in his arms would be killed with his hands soon.

Natasha was crying even harder, her voice made Edmund's eyes wet with tears.

"I'm scared—Ed—i don't know what to do, or think—I'm scared to death—and I don't want anyone to worry about me—and I thought it would be fine—I don't want to die—"

"Shh, d-don't cry," Edmund shook his head, "d-don't, I don't know what to do either."

"I love you so much—Ed—I love you—I am afraid I will never see you again—I don't want that—I thought I was strong enough to handle it—but I'm pathetic—I didn't want you to worry—how would it feel, Ed tell me? How would it feel when I'm about to die? Is it going to hurt? I don't want to feel the pain..."

Her voice made Edmund cry even harder than her. For the first time, he felt his guilt drifting away, but replaced by pain and hopelessness.

"It..." It wouldn't be fine, or okay.

"Death is..."the Just was usually very good with words and was sharp with his pen, but he couldn't search any words to describe something he couldn't understand, "death is..."

Near. Close. Painful. Sorrowful.

Edmund couldn't bring himself to say these words to her, he gulped, kissing the top of her head and let her cry.

And Natasha stopped shakily.

"When I die, I want you to hold me close," Edmund heard her, "don't ever let me go."

"I promise."

"Promise me one more thing," Natasha urged, "you will get over my death very quickly and lead the Narnians to a victory which they deserve."

Edmund nodded.

Slowly, as though each step would hurt, they made their way back to their tent in silence, Edmund held the dagger. It was weightlessly, and it was heavy. It was small, but it was...stabbing the dagger into Natasha's body would be stabbing the dagger to Edmund's heart.

The first light of the morning came gleaming into the woods. Natasha led Edmund to the How where fire glowed. She sat on the broken stone table.

"How come there is blood here?" Natasha frowned.

A swamp of blood was stained to the corner of the stone table. Natasha sat as far away from the table as possible. She looked at Edmund, who couldn't raise his dagger.

"I'm ready."

"Are you scared? I am."

"Not anymore, I love you." Natasha pressed her lips to Edmund's for one last time.

Edmund closed his eyes, feeling the kiss and everything about her. She pulled back, looking at him with her blue eyes, Edmund lay his head on her neck, kissing her hair, her messy brown hair...

"I love you..." He muttered. Tears were flooding down from his face, wetting Natasha's clothes...

And he thrust the dagger in.

Edmund expected screaming, but she only groaned, and life faded from her groan. Edmund held her body tight, kissed her lips, feeling her weak response.

"Don't..." Edmund it was over...but it stirred something in him.

Pain.

Edmund remembered her smile, her musical laughter. The way she pinched him, the way she kissed him. She hurt him. She loved him. She promised to love him forever. She promised to be here with him. All her promises were fading away.

Natasha dropped her head on his shoulder one last time."

"NOOOOOOO!" A hoarse voice shouted from the mouth of the How. Edmund saw Professor Kirke came running in, but he didn't care. All he knew was clear.

Natasha was gone.

**Please Please Please Review **


	35. Chapter 35

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty Five

Edmund wished he could spend more time with the worry-free Natasha. He remembered her smile when Natalie was saved, and he hoped she would smile at him like that—at their wedding. She would be beautiful, and Edmund would kiss her front of everyone...they would have a happy fairy tale ending...and they would have children, lots of them, running around the house...

Edmund lay Natasha's motionless body on the uneven stone table. He noticed the blood there vanished somehow, but it didn't matter. Nat looked peace, pleased with the fact that she was dead even. Edmund pulled her hair back, kissed her lips, waiting for her response. His tears were staining on her face.

She still looked gorgeous, like how she always was.

"No," Edmund heard the professor, but he didn't respond. The professor said something, but he was temporary deaf, only Nat's voice was echoing in his head.

_I'm forever in your debt—_

"You're not, silly," Edmund mumbled, kissed her forehead.

_How would it feel when I'm about to die? _

"I still don't know," Edmund said, "but you know now. I wish I'm there with you."

_When I die, I want you to hold me close— _

"I'm holding you close, I'll never leave you," Edmund sat on the stone table, kissing her hair.

The professor was shouting at him seriously, but he couldn't hear him. Edmund tried, but it was like someone covered a dusty radio with a thick cloth. He wished Professor Krike would shut up and leave them alone. Like what everyone did.

_I'm with you— _

"I know, I really do know," Edmund whispered in Natasha's ear, "how're things in your world? I wish you could tell me."

"Edmund!"

Edmund didn't even care to look up to the professor, he just sat here, holding the girl he loved, who was dead.

Gone.

"Edmund!" Edmund looked up at the professor tiresomely, he was tired, the dagger was dropped to the floor.

"She is not going to die!" The professor shouted, his body was shivering.

"Stop joking, this is not funny," Edmund said.

"No! Beth is dying! Beth sacrificed herself , couldn't you see those blood on the stone. _Blood on Aslan's table and the traitor is clean as snow. _Don't you know this? She asked me how to reverse, I didn't want to give her the information because I knew she would do that for the two of you, and she did it. That silly girl is going to die!"

Edmund stared at the professor, Beth—Beth wasn't doing that. Edmund wasn't going to believe-

Natasha grasped for air, eyes were wide. She inhaled, her chest expend and she was panting. She, Edmund stared at her in awe ,she came back to life from death. She actually...

"Nat?"

"Edmund?" She breathed, and the next thing he knew, he was swept into her arms. She cried on his shoulder, mumbled something. Edmund didn't really know what was going on here.

"Nat?"

"Edmund, I love you," Natasha cupped his face, "I thought I would never see you again."

Edmund crushed his lips to hers, tasting the salty tears. Hers, and his.

"Young people!" They broke apart. Edmund rose from the stone table, he grabbed Natasha's hand and raced out of the How.

"Ed?"

"Natasha is dying for you so you don't have to die!" Edmund replied.

The morning light was soft and pale, gleaming on the tents. Edmund found Beth's tent and crushed in.

"Oh no."

Beth was lying on the bed, lips were pale. There was blood coming out from her stomach. Her eyes were barely opened.

Edmund flew to the bed edge, touching her cold hands.

"Why did you do that?" Natasha sobbed.

"I'm glad I did," Beth whispered. Edmund kissed the top of her head, her green eyes were fading for some reason. She had always been here for Edmund, and he only used her like a tool. She never hurt him, he did. She just loved him, he didn't.

"Be happy together," Beth whispered in his ear, Edmund nodded.

"Do you have any last wishes?" Natasha asked.

"Save Narnia," Beth said directly to Edmund.

For the first, Edmund finally felt it was something he had to do. Whether he could do it or it, he had to.

"I swear."

And with tears streaming in her eyes, Beth was gone, like Natasha had.

Edmund lay his forehead on hers. He stayed here for a long time. People came, he heard Lucy shrieked and Peter's surprised tone to see Natasha. Natasha kissed Edmund and led the people out of the room.

Life, Edmund wondered, was tragic. People say you don't learn until you lose it. Edmund thought he had learnt his lesson from his father and all those time ruling Narnia—he had even though that he was wise.

He was nothing compare to fate, he couldn't control. Edmund couldn't control his, or Nat's or, in his arms, Beth's. So many people died because of him. Salina the griffin, all those Narnians back in the Flatteren Woods...Beth.

It was then the Just realised how much he needed to win, to gain victory back to those who lived, to whose who weren't. It was not about dignity, proud. It was destiny.

The prophecy was no longer weighting. Edmund was going to fulfil it.

He wanted to bury her body, but Lucy and Susan came, insisted doing it for him. Edmund meandered, people gasped at him. He didn't know where to go. All crying was done just now. He wanted to win.

Peter said something to him, but he could barely hear him. He nodded and said things like "yeah" and "I'm fine". Peter and the professor let him go at last, Natasha was done hugging Caspian and Natalie. She didn't speak as holding his head, dragging him to somewhere.

They were at the mountain top, Natasha didn't speak. Edmund wondered how come this girl knew him so well, it was like she was part of him.

"Are you going to ask me if I'm okay?" Edmund mumbled.

"Do you want me to?" Natasha held his hand and kissed it.

Edmund shrugged, "I just don't want to lose anyone again."

"You won't."

"I will, after all these," Edmund said, "I get it. I came in and fulfil the prophecy, I will eventually have to go back. Aslan will show up at the end, and I'll be ready."

Natasha hugged him, "I thought you could stay. I don't get it, why do you have to go?"

"It's about timing. If only I met you earlier, or in another life," Edmund said, smiling at her, "It's okay, I never really left here, nor I will. Narnia is, after all, my home."

"When I died, I felt peace. I saw face, and I wasn't afraid," Natasha said, "I felt you."

Edmund pulled her to his laps, treasuring this moment, "I will never leave you, not spiritually, you are the messiest person I've met after all."

Natasha chuckled.

"We'll make our move soon, soon than she expected, and she would be dead," Edmund said sternly, "but you will have to let go when I'm about to go back."

"You're talking like I have a choice," she muttered, "you're saying goodbye to me, Ed, I don't like it, but guess I'll have to live with it."

Edmund kissed her, "you're stronger than you than."

They sat here and Natasha told him about Peter being pleased to see her, about how she was going to manage her life here again.

"It's not going to be easy though," Natasha said, "but I'll survive."

"Of course," Edmund said, "and I'm gone, remember that I love you, and that'd be enough."


	36. Chapter 36

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty Six

The White Witch retreated back to her castle without asking for Natasha's body. It was obvious that she was scared. Edmund planned the final attack with Peter and Caspian the other day, and was going to ride back to the Bay City to meet up people of the Ancient Shield. Caspian was grateful of his people, yet, he had to stay with the main troop.

"The fifth day at dawn," Edmund said to Peter one last time, "and we ride the castle."

Peter nodded, "don't be late, and," he paused, glancing at Natasha who was saying goodbye to Leif and Claus, "take care of her."

"I will," Edmund said, Peter hugged him.

"Be a good boy," Peter said fatherly before releasing him.

Beth's body was buried in the How so everyone could go and mourn for her. Edmund spend the next day planning for the attack and sitting next to her grave, Nat was with him. Quietly.

"Take care of Lu and Sue," Edmund said, Natasha made her way to them and Peter hugged her. They got on the horse and within minutes, spring breezes flooded their face freshly.

They stopped at night when the moon was out. Edmund folded his spare cloak on the floor. Natasha finished eating her bread.

"Making the bed, huh?" came Natasha's vivid voice. Never once that it failed to make Edmund smile.

"A simple bed," Edmund said. They lay down and watched the sky above, Edmund noticed she fell asleep. He sat up, stroking her face. She could manage perfectly well without him, but could he?

He sighed, taking off his cloak and put it on her shoulders. His back was leaning against the tree trunk. He missed Beth.

"She is fine, in my country."

Edmund's head snapped sideways, found a lion with golden mane came walking to him. He shot up and bowed at the lion.

"Come Edmund, a walk with me?"

Edmund nodded and hurried to Aslan. It felt all right, it felt fine and peace even.

"You've grown," Aslan said.

"Why didn't you stop those things from happening?" Edmund asked.

"I thought you understand," Aslan said quietly, "all those time you were with Natasha, all the good qualities you saw in Beth. Do they count as my help?"

"Absolutely, and," Edmund paused, "the reason why we came back..."

"All of you were not supposed to come back, but that guilt you bore was eating Edmund," Aslan said slowly, "the only to get rid of them is to get healing from Narnia. From Natasha. Love can heal all wounds, it takes time though."

"I'm going back, right?"

"You know the answer," Edmund heard Aslan, who chuckled, "I'm glad you've grown to the King you are now. The true Just King without any guilt."

"I will finish her," Edmund promised, "For everyone, for Beth."

"I trust that," Aslan said, "Natasha will manage fine. She has my blessing. But even though the two of you are not living in the same world, love has no boundary. She's always with you and you're always with her."

"I know," Edmund whispered, "I'll be ready when we say goodbye. But stay with me, won't you?"

"Till the end," Aslan promised.

Edmund stopped walking, he stroked Aslan and buried his head into his mane. He inhaled in and an unknown strength came filling his body. The strength to fight. The strength to leave. And the strength to say goodbye.

When he opened his eyes again, Aslan was gone and Edmund made his way back to Natasha. He kissed her forehead before lying down next to her, holding her close and drowsed off to sleep.

They arrived the Bay City soon. Edmund brought them the tragic news about Beth's passing. The City was in a grim mood, but because of that, they wanted to fight even more.

Goata welcomed them to his house and they stayed there for three days. Every night, Edmund watched Natasha sleep before him sleeping. Every morning, Edmund was kissed and the first thing he saw was Natasha grinning at him.

"Morning," he said huskily, smiling.

"Our last day before the attack, make the best of it," Natasha kissed his nose. Edmund chuckled.

"Let's cuddle," Edmund pulled her close.

They spent the night travelling the City like tourists. Edmund saw Holly and a few other old friends. They had a brilliant lunch and everyone was ready for the strike tomorrow. By twilight, Edmund and Natasha walked along the coastal, watching the sun sink into the sea. Edmund's fingers were tangled with Natasha's. The sunlight made her face glamorous. He couldn't stop staring.

At night, Natasha made Edmund dinner. It was a bit too salty, but Edmund loved it as well. Natasha kept feeding him carrots, and he knew, as much as he hated carrots, they would remind him of this girl when he was back in Britain.

"I love you and goodnight," Edmund heard her voice and she closed her eyes.

Edmund kissed her before closing his. A few hours later, they would ride to the Witch's and they would win.

By three o'clock, Edmund woke and had everything ready. The army volunteered by the five town's people were gathered in Yena. Natasha woke a few more hours before their attack. Edmund met her childhood friends. They were all nice and were eager to help.

With Yule out, Edmund sat on the horse, waiting for the first light to come. Natasha sat on the other horse, smiled at him.

He knew she was ready. For the final battle. For the final goodbye.

The golden sunlight came welcoming them and the sun rose from the east.

"Narnians," Edmund shouted, "It's time to claim back what's ours!"

People roared and they made their way to the ice castle. Soon, they arrived and Edmund saw Peter, waiting. The castle was barely recognizable, the ice was melting and it was more like a lake. There were different dark creatures around, but there were only a few hundred of them but a thousand of Edmund's.

A centaur blew the horn and Edmund felt the war began. People, Narnians and Telmarines, raced forward with their weapons out, charging at them. Edmund expected those creatures to fight, but instead, he saw a minotaur dropped his axe, and he raced into the woods. Soon, the dwarves followed him. The giants threw away their clubs and raised their hands, surrounding without a fight.

"Peter, deal with the giants," Edmund shouted to Peter in the war field as Natasha was fighting a harpy.

"Love to!" Peter shouted. Edmund saw Susan shooting with her bow and Caspian was fighting with the sword. Edmund swung his sword at a black dwarf fighting Lucy and she shot him a grateful glance.

Trumpkin soon roped all the dwarves together. Edmund found Natasha, he made his way to her and kissed her.

"You know what to do," Natasha smiled at him, glancing at the castle.

"Either dying or bring peace to Narnia," Edmund nodded to Natasha, "I'll make it out alive."

"I know," Natasha said, "you'll have it sorted."

Edmund left her after kissing her temple. There were the wounded and the broken, but victory was coming and Edmund heard people roared.

The ice castle was quiet, Edmund tightened his grip on Yule. It was almost empty with no sight of the Witch. Edmund walked into the main hall where he had been before. No one was here.

He glanced around, stern-faced and then-

Edmund felt a sword from his back and he blocked it with his. The Witch's face was fierce, she charged at him with all her might. She was fighting with a staff and a sword. It had happened before. The Witch had her old moves and she tried to stab his stomach, but Edmund was faster. He ducked, he kicked, he thrust his sword.

"You think you really are the one?" the Whit Witch sneered. Her hair was sticking out from her high knot.

"I am."

Edmund swung his sword at her again. This time, he had his aim.

"For Beth," Edmund mumbled and thrust his sword at the Witch. Her shriek echoed in the castle. Edmund pulled the sword out and her body was shattered as dust. Edmund won it. He heard cheering outside, Peter led them to victory too.

For some reason, he felt Aslan's and Beth's smile upon him.


	37. Chapter 37

Guilt in Life

Chapter Thirty Seven

Aslan came, showed himself front of everyone. He and Edmund made their ways out of the castle. Behind him, Edmund heard the ice was cracking and soon fell as the lake. Edmund glanced at Aslan, who smiled.

"Aslan!" Lucy hopped to him and hugged him hard, "I've missed you!"

Not many people noticed Aslan somehow, Aslan's trick, Edmund supposed. He glanced at Leif and Claus, who smiled broadly at him. People were busy helping the wounded and searching for the dark creatures in the woods. Edmund knew it was time.

Victory, could you feel that too, Beth?

The Kings and Queens of Narnia bowed at Aslan.

"Rise, kings and queens, and Natasha."

They all rose and stared at him. Natasha came hugging Edmund, "I know you can do it."

Edmund grinned at her, he didn't fail her.

"Welcome home, children," Aslan said, "you've saved Narnia again."

"We're going back to Britain, isn't it?" Lucy whispered.

"Yes, I'm afraid you've grown," Aslan mused, "but Lucy, Narnia may need your help once more."

"By then, I'll be eager to help," Lucy smiled.

"This is really our last time, right?" Peter said in a sad tone, he looked around uneasily.

"I shall not say so," Aslan said, "after all, once kings and queens of Narnia, always a king and queen of Narnia."

"But our time ends here," Susan smiled weakly at Caspian, who mouthed, "I know" at her.

"Children," Aslan breathed and mist came filling the space in front of them, "Home is in the other side. The time is fixed again, you're only gone from home for one day."

Peter nodded, he was always the courageous one, he hugged Natasha and Caspian, first stepped into the mist. There were so many goodbyes of Lucy and Susan, but Edmund only stared at Natasha.

"You know that I'll miss you, right?" Natasha said, "not a day goes by that I will not think of you."

"Be strong," Edmund cupped her face, "I'm not physically with you, but my love stays. Always. When you're tired, or you want to cry, think of someone in the other world wants you to smile."

Natasha smiled. Her face. Her eyes. Edmund would never forget this face.

"You've grown so much," Natasha stroked his hair, "you used to be that annoying, arrogant bastard."

Edmund chuckled, "I love you."

"I love you too, always have, always will."

Edmund noticed both Susan and Lucy went into the mists. Edmund stared at Natasha's face. He hugged her, feeling her petite body in his arms one last time.

He was glad it wasn't a tearful goodbye. He would always see her. In his mind. In his memories.

Edmund hugged Aslan and stood near the mists. He looked at Natasha and remembered meeting her for the first time.

"Goodbye Edmund."

"Goodbye Natasha."

Edmund turned and walked into the mists, he didn't look back. He felt the hard floor. He was in Professor Krike's wardrobe room. It was quiet and-

"It's you!"

The housekeeper came storming in, glaring at him.

"Thief! Professor Krike was nice to you, took you in during the war and you repaid him by breaking in. You little brat-"

"It's a king you're looking at," came a gentle voice. Edmund saw the professor made his way to the room in his sleeping robe. He winked at Edmund, "let's get you home, your mother is worried."

Mrs Pevensie was glad that all of her children were home. Edmund felt her eyeing him during dinner. The children told her everything in Narnia. At night, everyone went to bed and Edmund was sitting in the window sill, looking up to the stars in London, they reminded Edmund of those nights he sat in the woods with Natasha before her betrayal, gazing up to the sky.

Mrs Pevensie came in with two mugs of hot tea, she sat down next to him.

"You've grown, son."

Edmund smiled at her, "a bit."

"A lot in fact, what happened? And that Natasha girl?"

"I fell in love with her," Edmund said honestly, "you heard the adventure. I love her and I'm letting her go."

"Love never let go, Ed," Mrs Pevensie stroked his hair, "Love waits."

"How do you manage when you miss dad?"

"When I miss him, I think of the first time we met and how he changed me. I used to be one of those kids straying in the street. He found me, bought me home and gave me food and something to eat. He made me want to be a better person and I think of everything we been. Living like he's with me."

Edmund stared at his mum, he had always knew she was a strong woman, like Nat, and right now, as his mother hugged her, he could see Natasha in him.

Because, right now, somewhere, she must be missing him too.

It was the last day of their summer holiday, Peter would be making his way to Professor Krike's tomorrow and Susan would sail to America with their mother. Edmund and Lucy would go to Aunt Alberta's. They spent the summer talking about nothing but Narnia. It felt like Nat was listening.

Everyone suggested to clean the house one last time since it would be sold to their neighbour. Edmund heard his sibling's laughter in the house, he was sitting on the lawn after cleaning it.

Edmund stared at the end of the street, for a moment, he had hoped he would see a hooded woman came walking to him. Edmund smiled, he remembered her smile and their kisses.

It was a common knowledge among the Pevensie children that Edmund Pevensie had born a guilt and had fallen in love with a girl in Narnia, and as the Just king closed his eyes, he saw Natasha's face and he felt everything he had felt again as the memories flashed him.

Edmund Pevenise bore many guilt in life, but as he saw Natasha collapsed in his arms right here on the lawn and how they met for the first time in his mind, Edmund went through all the love and pains and cures and wounds again, and for the first time, Edmund Pevensie was guilt-free.

* * *

**It's the end of Guilt in Life. Thank you for reading.**

**Please leave a comment or review-I need your opinions and suggestions to improve my next story. Tell me what you think of the way I write, I need some feedback, after all, English is not my first language. **

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**Let me know what sort of story you want me to write next, I'm making some writing plan for the summer lately :D **


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